Gentleman Sinner

‘Talk,’ he demands harshly, pointing to the couch in order for me to sit.

‘I’m not telling you a thing,’ I retort, turning my back on a shocked face and walking away. Call me sly, call me bang out of line, I don’t care. I’m not telling him, not only because I fear the repercussions when he hunts down the man who nearly destroyed me, but because I never want to think about it ever again. And I don’t want Theo to know about my horrid past.

‘Izzy!’ Theo’s booming voice causes me to flinch as I enter his bedroom, making me swing the door with more force than I intended to. It slams, making the walls shake as I run across to the bathroom, knowing he’ll be coming after me. As I turn to shut the door, I just catch sight of his raging face. He looks every bit as frightening as most perceive him to be.

I flip the lock and stand back, waiting for the inevitable banging as I try to catch a breath. But there’s no bang. Theo walks right on in, the force of his shoulder making the lock ping off in surrender, with no scream of protest. His heaving frame fills the doorway as I move back. I’m not scared. Not of him and his threatening, hulking presence. I’m scared that I’m going to be forced into sharing something I don’t want to share. And I’m scared that he’ll drop me like filth if he knows.

‘You said you would tell me.’ He grinds the words out, pointing an accusing finger at me.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Izzy, just tell me.’ His entire torso expands with his deep breath of patience. ‘Otherwise, I’m left imagining all kinds of shit, and I don’t like any of it.’

And that’s just one more reason to keep my mouth shut. So I shake my head.

‘Damn it, Izzy!’ He marches towards me and seizes my arms, and I cower, my chin dropping to my chest, hiding my building tears. ‘Tell me what the fuck happened to you before I lose my fucking mind.’ He gives me a small shake, further emphasizing his frustration.

I can’t help it – tears fall from my eyes, landing in big splashes on the bathroom floor. I’m angry I’m crying. Angry I’m giving my emotions to that scumbag. I’m angry he’s affecting me like this.

Theo moves his hands to my neck and tilts my head back, forcing me to face him. His angry cobalt eyes take me in, softening by the second. ‘Shit,’ he curses, yanking me into him and giving me a bone-crushing cuddle. The sanctuary and comfort of his big chest overwhelms me, and all I can do is cling to him. Hold him. Remind myself that I have him. My feet leave the floor and my legs curl around his waist, searching for more security. I feel untouchable in his embrace. I fear nothing, except for how deeply Theo is penetrating my heart, working his way soul-deep into me.

But most of all, I fear how much I like him there. And how much I need him.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmurs into the soft, sensitive space beneath my earlobe. I cling tighter in response, constricting the muscles in my arms and legs. He drops to his knees, holding me in place, and starts to pull his face from the crook of my neck, kissing his way over my ear and on to my cheek. ‘I won’t force you.’ Finding my lips, he kisses me reverently, fisting my hair possessively but gently. His shoulders are locked in my arms, keeping him as close as possible to me as I meet his tongue.

And we stay there, on the bathroom floor, lost in each other for several minutes, kissing, holding and calming each other. It’s peaceful, all stress and anxiety being gradually chased away.

‘Look at me,’ he orders, moving a fingertip to my chin and breaking our kiss. When he has my eyes, he smiles sadly. It’s a smile of defeat. It’s a sad smile of realization, because he knows I’m never going to share my burden with him. ‘I care too much about you,’ he affirms, leaning in and kissing my cheek. ‘I just want to keep you safe. And it kills me when you’re upset. But I won’t push you if you don’t want me to. I can forget my needs if it’s what you need. Anything for you, Izzy. Am I making myself clear? You come first.’

I nod, grateful and relieved, so needing to hear him say that. He’s got a hold of his rage. He’s realized what’s important, and my past is not.

Theo stands, lifting me with him, and carries us to his bed. I only release him when he collects my arms from behind his neck, and I do it begrudgingly. I sit against the headboard as he settles on his knees before me. ‘Let me show you something,’ he says, pulling his T-shirt up over his head. The large piece of protective gauze virtually covers his entire pec, and it is one big pec.