Leave Me Breathless

And then I think. Hard. When do I tell Alex about Hannah? What will she say? How will she react? I look out the window, falling into deeper thought. When Hannah and I are going steady? Is that what you call it these days? Shit, I’m so out of touch with the protocols of relationships. Have I ever been in touch? Am I in a relationship? I frown to myself. Surely I must be . . . right? I quickly replay every detail from last night, from the moment I stepped into the ladies’ room at the pub. I work my way through every word we said to each other and every kiss, every moan, every smile. Fuck, yes, I think I am in a relationship. Should I clarify that with Hannah?

Hannah.

‘Fucking hell,’ I curse, running outside to my truck to check on her. But I come to a screaming stop when I find no Hannah. The keys, however, are on the hood. She didn’t want to wait?

I return to the cabin and grab my phone to call her and make sure she got home okay. And maybe ask my dumb question. Yeah, I should do that. Hi, Hannah, it’s the guy who took you to bed last night. Should I call you my girlfriend? I drop my phone and take my hands to my face, dragging them down slowly. I’m all nervous. Nerves never get me. Ever. I don’t know how to tell Alex, I don’t know how to clarify with Hannah exactly what we are, and, come to think of it, I have not the faintest idea how to be a . . . boyfriend? I laugh. I’m thirty-nine years old. A boyfriend? A girlfriend? ‘No,’ I say to myself. Partner? No, Jake’s my partner. Lover? I nod to myself. Then frown. No, she’s more than that. ‘Oh fuck.’

Bracing my hands against the edge of the counter, I breathe through my growing panic and wait until I’ve gathered myself before I retrieve my mobile again to make the call. Maybe I won’t ask Hannah over the phone what my relationship status is, but I do need to check she got home okay. ‘Shit.’ I don’t have her number. How can I be in a relationship with a woman and not even have her number?

I need to rectify that pronto. So I might not have Hannah’s number yet, but I do have someone’s. I scroll down and dial, walking out onto the veranda to make sure I’m out of earshot from Alex.

Jake’s voice is familiar, and I can’t lie, it’s welcomed. It’s something I know in a world I don’t know. ‘Ryan,’ he says, sounding gruff and sleepy.

‘You in bed?’

‘Bad night with Caleb.’

Shit. In all my madness, I forgot about the new addition. ‘Sorry, mate. I’ll call you later.’

‘No, I’m up now. What’s up?’

‘You at your country place now?’ I ask, walking around the cabin.

‘Yeah, why?’

‘It’s not too far from here, right?’

‘An hour. What’s with all the questions?’

‘Fancy coming to see me? I’ll put the barbecue on. We’ll have a beer.’ I can hear myself. I sound very unlike me.

The small pause before Jake talks again tells me he’s noted I’m behaving out of character. ‘Right. A barbecue and a beer. I’d love to, but we’ve kind of got our hands full. I can’t leave Cami to deal with them both so soon. She’s knackered.’

My heart warms. ‘I meant for them to come, too.’

‘Huh?’

‘All of you. Here. It’ll be nice.’

‘What’s going on?’ Jake asks, full of suspicion. It’s warranted. In the years I’ve known Jake, not once have I suggested a family get-together. Only a drink in the pub. Man time. That’s us.

I exhale and take the plunge. All in. Confession time. I need a mate’s ear. ‘I think I’ve gone and got myself a girlfriend.’

Silence.

‘Jake? Are you there?’ I pull my phone from my ear to check my signal. Four bars. ‘Jake?’

‘You?’ he finally says. That’s it. Nothing more.

‘That’s what I fucking said, didn’t I?’

‘I don’t know. I thought you did, but then I thought it must have been a mistake. You? Ryan Willis? The eternal bachelor?’

I find a post and let my forehead fall against it. His reaction is only cementing what we all know. This is way out of my comfort zone. ‘Help a man out, won’t you? I’m having a bit of a meltdown here.’

‘Okay, take a breath.’

‘Took loads. Still having a meltdown.’

‘Who is she?’

‘Her name’s Hannah. She’s moved into town. Opened a little shop.’

‘What makes you think she’s your girlfriend?’

‘Well, she spent the night last night.’ I show the heavens my palm, as if it’s as simple as that.

Jake starts laughing hysterically, then he quickly zips it, and I hear him apologize. Then two seconds later, a baby starts squawking. ‘Damn,’ he mutters. ‘You woke the baby.’