Dare To Love Again

There were no glaring red flags, but I’d told the person doing the looking to do a thorough job and not to get back to me unless they had something worth my time. There’s still no evidence as to why she’d left me the way she had, and trust me; I’d looked last night when I was at her place.

After she and the baby had gone to sleep, I’d snooped. I hate to admit it to myself even now, but I’d been looking for any evidence that there was a man’s presence anywhere in the apartment. I told myself that my only interest was in knowing who she’d had around my son, but the level of jealousy I felt at the thought went much deeper than that.

That pissed me off no end, and so I was short with her before I left. The fact that I thought about her the whole time we were apart is what made me extra mean to her upon meeting her again in the parking lot, not that I need a reason. No way am I falling for her innocent bullshit again, so whenever I feel myself softening towards her in any way, I’ll be sure to make her suffer. It’s the price she has to pay for what she did to me. I haven’t even started on what she owes me for stealing my fucking son and heir.

Since I don’t ever plan on getting married again and wasn’t going to be having any more children, she’d not only robbed me of her pregnancy but of the first year, and I’m sure a whole lot of firsts with my son. He wasn’t speaking coherently as yet, but he was making sounds, and I’d heard him say, mama. Would his first word have been dada had I been there? I could strangle her deceitful ass for that alone.

I played around with the idea of asking for a paternity test just to degrade her, but my son looks so much like me it would have to be some kind of monumental fluke if he was not mine. I don’t have any brothers, and I know for damn sure my dad would never betray me like that, so there’s that.

I looked at my little boy, and my heart squeezed in my chest. And then there’s that, instant recognition. I might not have been there for the first part of his life, but already I can feel the bond with him. Just looking into his eyes so like mine does something to me. He makes me feel a softness I haven’t felt in years. Not since the bitch left me without a word or backward glance.

We pulled up to the house, and I steeled myself to see her again. My body remembers hers, nothing I can do about that though I could wish it were otherwise. The woman I’d met and fallen in love with didn’t know the first thing about playing to a man’s ego or trying to entice me; then again, that could’ve all been an act as well.

I was working up to a real mad when I saw the woman standing in my doorway, all but vibrating as she moved from leg to leg in her excitement. Mom, I shouldn’t have told her to come here so soon now that I think about it. What was I thinking? I have no doubt that because of her beliefs where my ex-wife is concerned that she’d undermine everything I have planned. We’ll just see about that.

I’m pretty sure she’ll want access to her grandson more than anything else in the world. I have no qualms about using that to my advantage. If she wants access to my son, she’d learn to toe the line and not give this… thing any ideas about forgiveness or being accepted back into the family in any capacity.

I can already predict what mom’s angle is going to be, and I have no plans on giving in to any of her damn suggestions. I wish her husband were here to keep her in line and out of my business. Damn!CALEN“Where is it?” She came hurrying down the stairs as soon as the car came to a stop and I got out.

“Where is what?”

“My surprise. From the way you sounded on the phone, I figured it must be something good. I even tried pestering poor Dana, but she swore she knew nothing, which only made me doubly sure my son was getting me something spectacular if you kept it from even her.”

Dana is one of my best friends. We’d met back at university at a mutual friend’s party and had clicked immediately. There was a time when we thought we might be something more together, but after one botched night of satirical mishaps, we’d both put that one to sleep.