Dare To Love Again

By the time Dana left, my mind was already miles away from her, and instead of heading out to the garden to join Giselle and my son, I stood at the window looking out as my mind tried to make sense of things. Maybe mom was right. Maybe there was more to her leaving than I’d first assumed.

Still, I couldn’t get over the fact that we’d had the kind of relationship where she should’ve felt safe coming to me with whatever. There’s no reason under the sun that I could think of for her to have done what she’d done. And just that quickly, my anger was back again, because she’d thrown me away without a second thought and then had had the audacity to keep my son from me, knowing how much I’d wanted to have a child with her.

Can anyone blame me for my anger and loathing of the woman who’d treated me so poorly? Just then, she came strolling by in the garden below; her cheek pressed to our son’s as she said something to him. The way he cupped her cheek and gave her one of his little slobbery kisses would’ve been heartwarming if I wasn’t in the midst of one of my mood swings where I wanted to gut her ass.

I turned from the window intending to go after her, but then my phone rang. “Silas?”

“We’ve got that thing you wanted.”

“So soon?”

“Yes. Where do you want me to take it?”

“The warehouse on the south side, I’ll be there in an hour.” I hung up the phone and looked back out the window where they were now sitting on a bench, watching two blue jays play with each other.

Okay, mom, you asked me to give her the benefit of the doubt. Let’s see if she deserves it, or if, as I suspect, she’s a disloyal twit who isn’t worth my time. I walked out to the garden to tell my son goodbye. She got fidgety when she saw me coming. Probably thought I was going to take the baby back to Dana again. Since when was she jealous of Dana anyway? The two of them used to get along fine as far as I know.

I wasn’t too interested in the answer anyway as I crouched in front of my son, who reached his little arms out to me. “Da-da.” The look of surprise on her face mirrored mine. “Is this the first time he’s spoken?” In my excitement, I forgot to talk to her the way I have been since her return.

She nodded her head with tears in her eyes, and I took my son from her lap, my heart swelling with pride. “That’s right, baby boy, I’m your dad.” I got to share a first with my son after missing so many in his young life. Words cannot express the feelings that overcame me as I hugged him close, fighting back tears of my own.

I always thought people were full of shit when they’d go on and on about their children’s first this and that, but I’d put hearing him call me dad in his sweet little voice above my greatest accomplishments in the business arena. “Daddy has to go now. I’ll be back soon. I’ll bring you back something good.”

I handed him back to his mother, and this time dropped the smile when I faced her. “Don’t leave here with my son. I have men all around the house; if you even leave the front door, you’ll be stopped, so don’t get any ideas. If you choose to leave, you can, but my son stays.”

I got to my feet and walked away, wondering how long it was going to be before I stopped being this mad at her. How long before I want to tear into her with words each time I look at her. That little voice in the back of my head reminded me that tearing into her with anything other than my cock wasn’t on my mind for hours the night before as I climbed into the backseat of my car.CalenI’m fucking nervous, me, Calen Addison, the fourth! I finally put a name to the emotion that has been dogging my heels since Silas’s call. It’s something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before in my life, so it took me a while to recognize it. A part of me wanted to turn back and go home to my son, to forget this whole thing, and carry on as I had been.

It’s been two years; what the hell do I care why she did what she did? I’ve long come to terms with her betrayal. My only concern now is my child and making sure she doesn’t disappear with him again. That’s one side of the story, but a part of me wants some answers even though I find myself anxious about what truths I’m about to learn.