I Can Explain (Awkward Love 2)

“So, what’s going on?” I ask, taking a sip of my drink.

I’ve already decided that I’m not going to like whatever it is he has to tell me. It’s got to be big, or he wouldn’t be here. He’s either dying, or he’s getting married. I’m not sure which piece of news will upset me more.

“Not much. Same old shit, different day, really.” He frowns and studies the surface of the table, running his finger repeatedly over it a tiny crack in the wood. I’m almost at the point where I want to reach over and snap it off. “I just wanted to catch up because I feel like we lost contact when—”

“When you stole my wife from me?” I supply.

He glares at me. “You know as well as I do that things aren’t that black and white,” he growls. His eyes flash, daring me to dispute that. Then he sighs and presses his palms flat down on the table, as though he just remembered there’s a reason he’s here.

“Since you brought Casey up…I did want to talk to you about something…” I raise my eyebrows as he hesitates. The poor guy looks like he’s about to pass out. “We’re getting married.”

“You’re getting married?” I repeat, my voice sounding much calmer than I feel. Josh stares at me, looking for any hint of how I’m digesting his news, but I’m a master of disguising my emotions. “Congratulations.”

“Do you actually mean that?” he asks with uncertainty.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I say with a shrug. I stare him right in the eye until he breaks contact.

“Chase, I know that you said that you were fine with us being together, but I just wanted to make sure you meant that,” he mumbles. He lifts his beer to his mouth and drinks half of it in one go.

Yep. He’s definitely panicking.

“Of course I meant it,” I snap. “Why wouldn’t I want the two of you happy? Just because Casey is the only woman I’ve ever loved, and my only brother stole her from my arms. Why would that make a difference?”

“Chase, you know it wasn't like that, don't you?” He sounds frustrated now, which makes me happy.

“Like what?” I ask innocently, pretending that I have no idea what he's talking about.

“You were cheating on her, dammit,” he growls, his expression darkening. A little part of me feels like I’ve won, seeing him snap like that. “I know that doesn’t excuse me for falling in love with her, but it at least blurs the lines a little my way, right?” he asks.

“I'm glad she's happy, and I'm glad you're the one who’s making her happy,” I say, ignoring the weight of Josh’s stare. I rub the bridge of my nose and then I force myself to smile at him, because that couldn’t have sounded less sincere if I’d tried. He sighs and bows his head, probably realizing that it’s probably the best response he’s going to get from me. I sigh and try to swallow my pride.

“So, when is the wedding?” I ask.

Josh’s eyes cast downwards. “It’s in three weeks.”

I cough and raise my hand to my mouth, sputtering my drink into my clenched fist.

“Three weeks? That’s an awfully short engagement,” I say with a growl.

“Not really. We’ve, uh, we’ve been engaged for about six months,” he mumbles, not meeting my eyes.

I snort. He’s spent more time looking at the floor than me since we got here, which just about sums up this whole night.

“And you’re only now getting around to telling me?” I ask, scowling at him.

I don’t know whether to be amused or pissed, but being cut out of his life hurts more than I thought it would.

“Am I even invited to this wedding, Josh?” I ask him.

“Of course you are,” he snaps. “Why do you think I’m here?”

“But I wasn’t invited a week ago, was I?” I press. “Or didn’t you think I’d need the six months’ notice your other guests received. Because, you know, I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. What the hell do I need time to plan for?”

“No, I…” He sighs and sits back in his chair. “You want me to be honest with you? No. you weren’t invited last week because, until today, Case didn’t want you there.”

“Then, what’s changed?” I ask.

“She realized how much I want you there,” he says quietly.

“Well, if you want me there, how could I possibly refuse?” I say dryly.

I bite my tongue and back down from the conversation like I always do when it comes to Josh. Because no matter what happens, he’ll always be my baby brother. If the choice had been mine, we wouldn’t have lost contact like we did, because we’re the only family each other have. Josh pauses long enough to raise his eyes to mine. Anxiety flashes through them.