Planting His Seed

And she’s crying .

I follow the sounds into the master bath. Jenny is curled in the corner of the shower, the water beating down on her and she’s crying so hard her body is shaking with the sobs. I throw open the glass shower door and the cool spray hits me immediately. I look at the dial and despite it being turned all the way to the hot setting the water is frigid—which means my Jenny has been like this for a while .

I turn the water off, and I don’t think, until that moment, Jenny even registered that I was here. But with the water off, she looks up at me and the heartbreak and tears on her face cause physical pain to flash through me .

“What’s wrong honey? Talk to me,” I tell her gently. I grab a towel and gently wrap it around her. She just sits there looking at me, blinking past the tears pouring from her eyes. Her body is shuddering from the force of her tears and the frigid water. “Jenny?” I question again, my voice hoarse because I’m choking on my fear .

“Carson!” she cries, but says nothing more. A shiver runs through her body and I pull her into my arms, feeling how chilled her body is .

I gather her against me, holding her like the precious gift she is, and take her back into the bedroom. She’s too upset and weak to stand, so I sit her on the bed and begin drying her off. I do this quickly, intent on nothing more than getting the excess water off and warming her up. Once I’ve done that I turn the covers down on the bed, strip out of my clothes quickly and then wrap her up, bringing us both under the covers and giving her my body heat .

Jenny is a rag doll through all of this. She lets me do what I want, and though the sounds of her tears and the force of sobs have quieted, she’s still crying. Each tear feels as if it is cutting my heart out. I hold her close, letting her absorb my body heat, and kiss the top of her head, whispering soft, nonsense words to her. Words that have no rhyme or reason. They are just meant to comfort her—to calm her .

I don’t know how long we’re like that, to be honest. It could have been half an hour or even an hour or longer. Eventually, she’s out of tears, and I kiss the side of her face. Her hand wraps around my larger one, which is resting at the base of her neck. I have my fingers on her pulse point, the beat reassuring me that she’s okay even if she is upset. Whatever is wrong, I’ll fix it, but I just need to know she’s here… Her pulse is strong… She’s okay—at least physically .

“Talk to me, Jenny. Let me fix whatever is wrong,” I whisper into her ear, placing a gentle kiss against the shell .

“I need to get up,” she says, her body going stiff against me like it never has before. She tries to push away from me, but I hold on tight—stubbornly refusing to let her go .

“No you don’t, honey. Not until you tell me what’s going on so I can fix this .”

“Some things even you can’t fix, Carson .”

“Bullshit,” I growl. By God, Jenny should know that I will move heaven and earth to make sure she is happy .

“Let me up!” she cries, pushing against my body harder .

“ Jenny — ”

“I started my period, Carson!” she cries when she manages to break away. We lie there looking at each other, our gazes locked on one another. Mine is shock and hers is a mixture of regret and pain .

“Jenny, we can try — ”

“Please don’t,” she whispers. “I love you, Carson, but please don’t tell me we can try again. Just don’t tell me that, not right now. I just can’t hear that,” she says brokenly. She slides off the bed, her arms wrapped around her upper body like armor as she walks back to the bathroom…leaving me feeling helpless .

“There are other options, sweetheart.” I don’t move from my place, giving her space. She needs that, it’s clear, even though it eats me up to stay away. “Adoption, fertility treatments — ”

“I know,” she says and looks over at me. “Just give me some space, okay?” She smiles but it looks forced, weak. “I just need to be alone right now .”

And as hard as it is for me to get up and leave her there, I’d do anything for Jenny, even if it’s like a knife to my heart .Chapter 18Virginia“J enny, we need to talk,” Carson says .