Apolonia

Cy was standing there with the door held open.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and then mentally gathered myself as I walked across the hall and into the lab. My movements felt forced and unnatural as I walked to my stool.

“Are you okay?” Cy asked.

“Fine,” I said, staring at the keyboard in front of me.

“Did someone hurt you?”

I shook my head.

“You seem…disappointed.”

I could tell that Cy was uncomfortable having this conversation with me, and it meant a lot that he was trying, which only made me feel more emotional.

I took a deep breath. “Only in myself.”

“It’s okay that you’re late. Life is about more than just work.”

I looked over at the clock in the bottom right corner of my screen. He was right. I was ten minutes late.

The corners of my mouth turned up, and I peered over at him. “Thanks.”

He cleared his throat and began clicking on his keyboard. “You’re welcome,” he said.

“Can I ask you for a huge favor?”

“Uh…yes, of course.”

“Would you…” Ugh, I felt so stupid even uttering the words. “Would you sit next to me tomorrow in class?”

Cy stared at me for the longest time, and then his eyes danced all over the room. He blinked a lot and then simply nodded.

“I know that’s a stupid thing to ask. But there’s a good reason for it, I promise.”

He nodded again and then went back to his data. If I could have at that moment shrunk into a puddle and slipped away under the door, I would have, but instead, I focused on entering every page of data Dr. Z had given us for the week.

The next morning, I waited at my desk for Cy to walk in, praying he would beat Benji to class for once. I was so early that I had to wait outside for the previous class to dismiss.

Once Cy walked through the door and looked up at me, I let out the breath I’d been holding. He climbed the steps, walked halfway down the row, and then sat in Benji’s seat.

“I owe you one. Seriously.”

Cy was clearly unsure about my request. He probably wasn’t aware of whose seat he was commandeering, and I wasn’t going to tell him, just in case he changed his mind.

Benji walked in a few moments later with a somber face. He glanced up at me and immediately noticed Cy. I was hoping he would sit in one of the lower rows, but he climbed the steps and turned down our aisle. My heart began to thump against my rib cage so hard that my face was throbbing.

Benji passed Cy and then me before taking the seat on my left side.

I sat rigidly, completely unprepared and hoping Benji would just keep his mouth shut. But of course, he didn’t.

His head turned toward me, hesitant and nervous, and then one side of his mouth turned up. “I tried to call you.”

I didn’t respond.

“I came by your dorm. I guess you weren’t home from the lab yet.”

I stayed silent, looking straight ahead. From the corner of my eye, I saw Cy glance in our direction.

Benji leaned toward me, keeping his voice low. “Can we talk about this? Please let me explain. Rory, c’mon. Please? We just started to get things figured out. I—”

Dr. Z walked in, and I opened my laptop to a blank and ready screen. I typed in the date and tried to stare a hole into Dr. Z’s forehead.

Cy leaned forward. “I don’t believe she’s ready to discuss your issue just yet. Maybe another time outside of class.”

Benji sighed and leaned back.

Cy spoke again, “Since there appears to be something upsetting going on between the two of you, it would be polite to find another seat so that Rory can concentrate on her notes.”

Benji sank into his seat and nodded, and then he picked up his backpack. He passed in front of Cy and me, and then he climbed the steps, sitting somewhere above us.

“Thank you,” I whispered, still looking ahead.

“I would say that you’re welcome, but I seem to say that a lot.”

I offered a small smile and silently thanked Dr. Z for beginning his lecture earlier than normal.

“We have a lot to cover today,” Dr. Z said, “so let’s go ahead and get started. Oxygenic photosynthesis…”

Chapter Five

STUDYING NOW CONSISTED OF ME, my notes, my laptop, and my dorm room. For two weeks, Benji asked me to give him the opportunity to explain—before class, after class, in texts—but every time my anger began to retreat, I would cross paths with Ellie in the hall and hate Benji all over again.

On the first day of October, I was prepared to see Benji outside of Dr. Z’s class with that same pathetic, miserable expression, but he wasn’t there. I didn’t give it much thought until Dr. Z began his lecture, and Benji never showed up. Cy had only taken Benji’s seat the one time. After that, Benji got the hint and stayed away. Now that I knew Benji wasn’t even sitting above me, I felt very lonely.

I went to lunch and then to lab. Benji wasn’t there either. My mind began to wander. I started feeling curious if he was sick, out of town, or something much worse. He’d been so miserable the past weeks, and I just ignored him.

Twenty minutes into lab, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket. Benji hadn’t texted or tried to call in two days. I tapped his name and then keyed in a message.

You okay?

He didn’t respond. I tried again.

Are you sick?

Five minutes later and still nothing.

I know I’ve been ignoring you, but you could at least let me know you’re all right.

He still hadn’t texted me back by the time class was over, so I headed to Charlie’s. At that time of day, everyone was going in and out of the front entrance, so it wasn’t hard to slip inside and make my way to Benji’s door. I knocked. Nothing. I knocked again.

A tall, skinny undergrad with thick glasses stood next to me. “Can I help you?”

“Benji didn’t show up for class. Have you seen him?”

He shook his head. “No, but he never locks his door unless he’s home,” he said, turning the knob.

It opened, revealing his dark room.

“Who only locks his door when he’s home?” I thought aloud, peeking into Benji’s room

The undergrad shrugged his shoulders. “That’s how you know he’s not in there.”

I shut the door. “Thanks,” I said before leaving Charlie’s for the parking lot.

The orange Mustang was hard to miss…and it wasn’t there.

I walked to Gigi’s with my arms crossed over my chest. It was windy and getting colder. I was wearing a long-sleeved white T-shirt with a green short-sleeved T-shirt over that with jeans and boots, but it still wasn’t enough to keep me warm. My ears were burning from exposure to the chilly wind.