NYC Angels: The Wallflower's Secret

Ryan sat beside her, not too close but near enough that his leg lightly touched her knee. The small contact fortified her.

“Before I settle down for a talk, I need to get Emily a bottle. Hope you like Italian, Ryan. It’s Lucy’s favorite.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised. She lives above an Italian restaurant.”

Alexis looked at Lucy. “Really? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, I haven’t had a chance to tell you,” Lucy said.

“Well, you’ll have to tell me all about it over dinner. It should be here soon,” Alexis said, before going into the other room.

The doorbell rang. “That’ll be our food,” Sam said. “Hey, Lucy, would you hold Emily while I get that?” He handed the child to her without waiting for a reply.

Could she touch Emily and not break down? She cradled the soft, cuddly baby to her chest with trembling arms.

Sam left them.

She nuzzled Emily’s neck, pulling her close.

“She’s a cutie,” Ryan said. “You’re an exceptional person Lucy Edwards.”

Her heart lightened. He thought she was special. She hadn’t realized how much she’d needed to hear that. Ryan being the one who believed she was incredible made it twice as nice.

Ryan offered his finger to Emily and she clutched it with a chubby hand.

Lucy glanced at Ryan. He watched her intently with a mixture of concern and amazement on his handsome face. Was he judging her reactions?

“How’re you doing?” he asked quietly.

“I’m making it.” She turned to Emily so that she could see the child’s face. Alexis’s features were showcased there, not her own. Something shifted inside her, allowing her heart to let go. She no longer felt like a spurned mother but an aunt. Still, her envy for what Alexis had still festered. She wanted her own child, a husband, family. To belong. To never be pushed out again.

“I’m proud of you.” Ryan gave her a quick kiss on the temple.

Alexis returned. “I see that Emily’s enjoying getting to know her auntie again. Hasn’t she grown?”

She gave them all a bright smile and took Emily from Lucy, who let the baby go with less reluctance than she’d expected. Mercifully, Alexis was so caught up in Emily that she didn’t notice how uncomfortable Lucy was. At least she’d been able to cover it well. Without Ryan’s reassuring presence, she would have broken down and spilled her horrible secret.

“She has grown. Is she a good baby?” Lucy managed to ask, clasping her hands together.

“The best.” Alexis sat, adjusted Emily and put a bottle in her mouth.

When Ryan’s large hand covered hers, Lucy held on tight.

Ryan was impressed with how well Lucy was handling what he’d come to realize was an extremely difficult situation for her. She was making all the right noises and had even held Emily without breaking into pieces. He was proud of her. She was trying, but the strain showed in the tension around her lips and her rigid posture.

He’d been emotionally empty after his father had died and had kept it together only because his sisters had needed him. He never thought he’d willingly be anyone’s emotional crutch again. Then along had come Lucy with her big blue eyes and quiet ways, and here he was doing everything in his power to support her, encourage her.

She could’ve done it without him. He’d seen her spunk and determination when she’d told him off. It had made him feel like he was important to her when she’d asked him to come along here. She believed she needed him.

Sam brought the food to the table and came back to join them.

“Here. You finish with Emily,” Alexis said, offering the baby to her husband, “and I’ll take care of the food. Lucy, come help me and we can talk.”

Lucy hesitated a second before she scooted away from Ryan to go to the dining table.

Lucy had given the impression she was shy when they’d met but in reality she had a backbone as sturdy as the Brooklyn Bridge and the sweetest way of showing a man that he mattered. She didn’t give half. She gave all.

He glanced away from where Sam was settling in a chair with his daughter to the women moving around the table. As always his attention rested on the gutsy blonde woman. Lucy would be a fierce warrior and protector of anyone she loved. That’s why she cared so deeply for Alexis and for Emily. It was who she was. She expected to receive the same in return. Would accept nothing less. Could he give it? He had no choice but to try, unable to imagine her not being in his life.

“Lucy’s a special person,” Sam said.

Ryan looked at him. Was that a warning? “Yes, she is. Very special.” He glanced in Lucy’s direction a number of times to check on her. The tension in her face had eased. He was sure that having something to focus her mind on helped.

Alexis obviously doted on Lucy. They shared some facial features but that was where the resemblance ended. Where Lucy was tall and unassuming, Alexis was petit and feisty. He liked Alexis but Lucy’s gentle, easy way suited him much better. Even Sam had shown his affection for Lucy in his hug when they had arrived and his smiles in her direction. She had a family who obviously cared for her so why did she feel like she was on the outside?

“Okay, guys, food’s on the table,” called Alexis.

They gathered around the small table. He let his leg touch Lucy’s. Just a reminder that he believed in her.

She gave him a weak smile.

Alexis spent most of the meal tending to Emily, who sat in a seat on the floor beside her mother. Sam watched the mother and child with a look of adoration on his face. Ryan now understood why Lucy felt like an outsider. Alexis and Sam probably had no idea of how they shut others out. Lucy would never tell them. She watched them also as if she couldn’t pull her eyes away.

“Lucy, how do you like that great big old hospital you are working in now?” Sam asked.

“It’s fine.”

“She stays lost half the time,” Ryan remarked smiling at her. “I’ve threatened to send a search party out for her a number of times.”

Lucy grinned but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Sam, you interested in baseball?” Ryan asked, trying to steer the discussion away from her. Her face showed obvious relief when the conversation turned into a heated discussion about who would win the baseball pennant that fall.

During a lull, Ryan looked at Lucy. Her attention was on her plate as she pushed her food around. She had eaten little.

Alexis must have noticed also because she asked, “Lucy, are you feeling okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” Lucy sounded artificially bright.

Just then Emily demanded Alexis’s attention and she let the subject drop.

Sam, watching his wife and child, said, “Lucy, thank you so much for giving us this.”

If Ryan hadn’t been so in tune with Lucy he might have missed her barely perceptible flinch. That was the last thing she needed to hear. Emily was a gift she’d given her sister out of love and the Lucy he knew didn’t want them to feel indebted. Being reminded of what she’d done made her feel uncomfortable. He found her hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She gripped it back as if it were a lifeline.

“This little one has fallen asleep. It’s time for bed,” Alexis said. “Lucy, would you like to help me?”

“Sure,” Lucy said, with little eagerness. Before she left the table she looked at him. He smiled encouragingly.

Ryan liked Alexis and Sam but couldn’t they see how hard this was on Lucy? If Alexis wasn’t so caught up in being a new mother she would notice Lucy was less than excited about being here. Lucy put on the same determined face he’d seen her wear when she was fighting for a patient as she followed Alexis and a drowsy Emily into another room.

He’d never been prouder of anyone. She was fighting an emotional battle like a champion. Heaven help him. He’d fallen in love.

It was a wonderful, scary and totally bewildering feeling. Yet somehow so right.

Lucy stood motionless in the doorway of the bedroom. Alexis would be destroyed if she ever found out her twin wanted to run.

Why couldn’t she handle this better? Her job was to help people through tough situations and she couldn’t even be rational about her own problems. Known for her calming and forthright encouragement with patients’ families, she was completely irrational where her own issues were concerned. She was such a fraud.

“Would you mind taking her dress off while I get her nightclothes together?” Alexis asked over her shoulder as she laid Emily in a crib. “I had no idea it took so much stuff to travel with someone so small.”

Lucy took a breath. Just knowing Ryan was close had gotten her this far. She stepped to the bed and began to undress Emily. The sleepy-eyed baby looked up at her with complete trust. Unable to stop herself, Lucy leaned down and gave Emily a kiss on her forehead.

She wanted what Alexis had. Not this child, but her own. A family.

Alexis’s bright sunny world was in complete contrast to the dark, lonely one Lucy lived in. Jealousy was a nasty emotion and Lucy wanted it to go away.

“I hate to wake a sleeping baby to change her clothes but I wanted her to look cute when you got here.” Alexis came up beside Lucy, who gave the job of dressing Emily over to her.

Minutes later, as Alexis finished tucking Emily into her crib, Sam entered and came to stand beside the crib. Lucy stepped back, giving him room. He kissed Emily then, putting an arm around Alexis’s shoulders, he kissed her temple. Together they looked down at their sleeping child. It was a poignant family moment.