His Frozen Heart

“You keep something if you value it. I don’t value these pieces of wood.”

“But the sculpture you are working on right now is so beautiful. It’s odd to spend so much time on something and then to destroy it.”

“Everything in this world is destined to decay and turn to dust eventually, Katrina.”

“Yes, but how can you bear to destroy something you have put so much love and attention on?”

In my mind’s eyes, I saw the jagged metal crush and tear the flesh I had created and loved. The image so vivid I wanted to gag. I turned to face her. “You should elevate your knee. Lay down here and then put your knee up on the stool.”

“Ok.”

I think she expected me to help her down to the floor with an arm around her waist and supporting her weight. Instead, I slipped an arm around her waist and under her knees and scooped her up in my arms again.

Then I floated her down to the floor wanting to make the moment last. As I released her, I felt her body relax into the floor as though she would have welcomed me to join her. Instinct led me to create these moments of closeness, but something inside stopped me from continuing to the next step. Truth was: she terrified me.

The coffee percolated bubbling coffee over the stovetop.

“One medicinal coffee coming up,” I said, moving away from her.

“Are you going to have one too? I don’t want to drink alone.”

“Yeah. I’ll have one with you.”

I found a spare chipped cup from the cupboard and filled that with coffee, then added a shot of whiskey to each, and handed the good cup to her.

“Thanks.”

I felt awkward and I didn’t know where to put myself so I switched on the radio to pick up an update on the weather.

“You know, I did catch a trout this morning for us.”

“You did? Well, I’m absolutely starving, so I guess I’ll have to give it a try.”

“I’ll cook it outside otherwise we’re going to have to smell trout for the next few days. If you’re hungry I’ll put it on the fire now.”

“Well, you can have your coffee first.”

“No, it’s ok. I’ll have it outside. I better get that fire going anyway.”

I needed a reason to be away from her. My appetite for her was growing, as was my fear of how strongly I felt about her. Just before I hit the door, the radio broadcast caught my ear.

“Good morning, Rocky Mountains! We’re just coming up to the noon hour in just a few minutes here, and we’ve got great news from the National Weather Service for you now. That recent winter storm that brought heavy snowfall to the valleys and central mountains is expected to move on in the next 24 hours. The storm has caused severe disruption to the roads, and has resulted in school closures across several counties. Now, we all know if a Colorado school closes, then it’s pretty bad out there, right?

Also, the Colorado Department of Transport says roads will begin to be cleared over the next 24 hours as that fog hanging over us begins to dissipate. The heavy mist has thus far prevented road crews from being able to safely get out there and clear away not only the heavy snowfall that dumped on us over the last few days, but also the road closures caused by the avalanche over Dogwood Pass. It’s been a mess out there people, but the end is in sight and it looks like at long last spring is just around the corner!”

“So … looks like I’ll be able to get out of your hair soon.”

“Yeah. Sounds like it.” I kept my voice light.

“Maybe even by tomorrow, huh?”

“Well, we need to give them a chance to get it all cleared. It’s not going to happen as quickly as they say.”

“Oh, ok. So, I guess we just listen out for the reports to know when we’d be able to get down to town?”

“Um, yeah. So, maybe tomorrow, or the next day.”

“We should do something special tonight. Maybe I’ll raid your freezer again and cook us up something tasty. Would you be up for that? I mean, as long as I wouldn’t be stepping on your toes by cooking.”

I thought about it and I didn’t like the idea of her gone.

“We don’t have to do it. It was just an idea,” she added quickly, biting her lip uncertainly.

“No, that sounds good. But you should wait to make that raid until after you’ve tried the trout. You might love it so much, you’ll be sending me back down to the creek to catch more.” I smiled at her. “It could happen.”

I went out to the fire pit before I messed up another perfectly good exchange between us by turning into an asshole again. The news forecast was supposed to be good news, but it wasn’t to me. I should have got rid of her that second morning. Letting her stay these extra days was a mistake, because she sunk into my life. I wanted her, wanted her around, and not having her around would hurt. I couldn’t imagine her going now. It was funny what you got used to after even only a short period of time. I’ve got used to having this infuriating, sexy, intelligent, beautiful woman around.

Scraps from my old finished sculpture formed the base of the fire. I loved building a fire. It was one of the simple pleasures of life.

“Hey, I thought you might need these.” Katrina came out of the cabin hobbling and carrying tin foil and a seasoning shaker.

“Thanks.” I took the items from her and felt a pulse of electricity when our fingers touched. “You should keep off that knee.”

She grinned widely. “After the amount of whiskey you put in my coffee it’s starting to feel a lot better. The swelling is starting to go down a little.”

She eased herself down onto a log next to the fire with all of her weight expertly balanced on one leg.

“Impressive,” I commented.

Her eyes sparkled. “Yeah, I’ve got dancer’s balance.”

Silence fell between us as I once again killed the conversation. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to talk to people. I get that there are lines that people throw in chatting that they want you to follow so that they can tell you things about themselves. I understand that was how it worked. I just didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be fished at for conversation. I also liked silence. My guess was Katrina didn’t though. I put her out of her misery.

“You sure you want to see this? I’m about to clean the fish. Its guts are going to be pulled out. If you want you can go inside and I’ll call you back out when it’s over.”

“It’s alright. I’m tough.”

I hid a smile. “You do seem kind of strong, but I wouldn’t go so far as tough.”

“Oh yeah? And where did you, Mr. Tough Guy, learn to clean a fish? YouTube videos?” She laughed in her teasing way. “You are an absolute poser of a mountain man. I come from a lot rougher stuff than you ever did.”

“I’m here now.”

“Yes, you are.”

Katrina let the silence fall between us this time. After a while she said, “Well, how did you get out here? What was your life like before?”

“I uh …” I stoked the fire with a stick and searched for what I could possibly say that wouldn’t make her run screaming away from me. Images, memories flashed across my mind, but all of them terrible. Nothing I could ever tell a girl like her.

“Tell you what, you just concentrate on getting that awful-smelling fish cleaned that’s still got his eyeballs on me, and I’ll tell you about me. The me up until I crashed my car in the trees.”

She sounded enthusiastic, like she wanted to tell me her life story. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to reciprocate that experience.

“No! You don’t have to do that,” I said.

She seemed shocked and confused by my outburst.

“It’s alright. I want to.”

“Yes, but I don’t. I don’t want to talk. About anything, me, or the past, or how you got to where you were running f

rom some guy over Dogwood Pass—”

“I told you, I hardly knew him.”

“I know, you said that. Listen, I don’t want to sound nasty again, because I know I’ve been mean since you’ve arrived, but surely you can use your common sense here and understand that I want to distance myself from what I was before I came to this mountain. Otherwise I wouldn’t be out here. So I don’t want to hear about your life because I can’t reciprocate. Not right now anyway.”

I poked around in the fire again. Katrina watched the flickers float upwards and I wanted to stare at the beautiful expression on her face. I forced myself to turn away. “All I can give you is trout right now.”

Her gaze skittered over to me and she smiled, like an innocent child. Just happy for that moment. I was relieved to have not ruined another moment with my intentionally awkward social skills.

“Fine. I’ll take that. But you’re going to have to put a serious amount of seasoning on that bad boy because the last trout I ate tasted like creek water.”

I threw my head back and laughed. Oh, Katrina. Did the mountain really give you to me?

Katrina

“Ok, so you made it taste like … fish.”

Cade laughed again, which was absolutely gorgeous. He looked even sexier when he was relaxed and enjoying himself. He took the tin foil parcel from my lap and emptied the remaining contents into the fire. My heart tingled as his hand brushed against my thigh.

“Can’t leave food leftovers out here. Bears will be on it tonight rustling up everything. I learned that the hard way.”

“Seems like you got a lot of furry friends around here. You ever run into anyone on two legs?”

“Not really. There’s Beau higher up the mountain, but generally it’s just me and the wild ones unless I go into town.”

“That must have been hard to get used to, living in the midst of wild, dangerous animals?”

“It’s not any more dangerous than living around humans.” His mouth twisted. “In fact, it’s probably safer out here.”

“So … town. Guess we’ll be going into town tomorrow. See about getting my hunk of junk towed off the mountain.”