Disfigured Love

‘OK.’ I shifted on the comfortable chair. A waiter passed, his eyes swiveling in my direction as he walked by. We were doing the interview at a restaurant. There was a glass of cold mineral water on the table. I looked at the lemon stuck between the ice cubes.

‘I wanted to use your magazine to pass a message to someone.’

Her eyes widened behind her glasses, the pleased look slipping a notch. ‘Ah… This is not the kind of thing we do.’

‘I know that, but I will only do this interview if that message can be part of it.’

The pleased look was well and truly gone now. ‘It kind of depends what the message is,’ she said. ‘I can’t guarantee anything. It has to pass the editorial review,’ she advised cautiously, worriedly.

‘The message I want the article to carry can either be included in the body of the article or better still as the title or subtitle.’

‘What is it?’

I lifted my hair and, turning away from her, showed her the back of my neck. ‘This is the message.’

‘It’s beautiful,’ I heard her say.

I turned back to face her.

‘So you just want us to show your tattoo to the world?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Phew! What a relief. I didn’t know what the hell you were going to ask. No problem. This I can definitely do. I’ll even get the photographer to take a close-up pic.’

I smiled. ‘The photo will need a caption.’

‘Yes, it will,’ she agreed willingly.

‘If the hawk does not come for the seagull at the arch on Valentine’s day at four p.m. she will be no more.’

She grinned suddenly. ‘Do you know that you’ve just given me an ass-kicking exclusive?’

I have died every day waiting for you

Darlin’ don’t be afraid,

I have loved you for a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

—Christina Perri, ‘A Thousand Years’

http://bit.ly/1cDvajZ

Chapter 30

Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong that day. And then the taxi got stuck in a jam. It was already three forty-five p.m. I was in such a state. I paid the taxi driver, got out, and ran down Tottenham Court Road. I was gasping for breath by the time I passed Oxford Circus Tube station. If only I had taken the Tube, but it was too late to turn back. A glance at my watch gave me a fright. It was already four oh-five p.m. Shit.

I ran as fast as I could, but there were so many people on Oxford Street. I dodged them as best I could. By the time I reached Marble Arch my lungs were on fire and my legs felt as if they would collapse under me. Four twenty p.m. I looked around, my eyes wildly seeking a tall, dark-haired head. There was no one. I walked to the arch and leaned my aching body against it.

Surely it could not be that he had left after waiting only twenty minutes? It struck me then, painfully, that he had not come at all. He had not read the interview or he had not understood what I meant by ‘arch’. He must have forgotten when I told him. It was a great fantasy of mine to meet my lover at Marble Arch. I slumped to the ground, wounded at heart.

I felt so tired I wanted to cry. I hung my head and tried to compose myself. I told myself I would find a different way. I wouldn’t give up so easily. I would start to look for castles in England. I would find him no matter what it took.

A pair of shoes came into my line of vision. I swallowed hard. Not daring to hope and yet… It had to be.

Slowly, I raised my head and followed the attached trouser legs. I recognized those strong, muscular thighs. I would know them anywhere in any clothing. My heart was beating so fast I heard it like a drum in my ear. My eyes shot up to his face.

‘Happy Valentine’s day, baby.’

And I did what I had never done in my whole life.

I fainted.

*****

When I came around I was in the back of a car and lying on his chest. I raised my head and squinted up at him.

‘Hello,’ he said softly.

I brought my hands up to his face in wonderment. ‘My God, your face.’

He smiled, the most amazing smile. ‘I’ve had it repaired…for you. There is still the skin color tattoo to do, but I could not resist your invitation.’

‘You are the most beautiful man I have yet seen,’ I whispered. ‘You are so beautiful, my heart breaks just looking at you.’

I watched his Adam’s apple move. There was a look of awe in his eyes. He opened his mouth and then closed it again. ‘God!’ he breathed. ‘How I’ve missed you.’

I reached up a hand and trailed a finger down the side of his face, caressing his jawbone. His eyes widened.

‘OK?’ I asked.

‘OK,’ he said softly.

I took his beautiful face between my hands and our eyes locked. My body began to tingle. His skin was exactly as I had thought it would be. Smoother where it had been worked on and raw silk where it was untouched by fire or surgeons. My breath hitched at the expression in those amazing eyes. Once that was all I’d had to know the man by. Once I had seen him only with my heart. A tear slipped down my face.

He gazed at me, his eyes shiny and dilated. ‘You are loved, Lena. You are loved desperately.’

‘It’s been a long journey to you, Guy.’ Another tear escaped and ran quickly down my cheek.

He rubbed it away with his thumb. ‘Don’t cry, my darling. It’s over now.’

I smiled shakily. ‘I used to cry for you. At night.’

‘I didn’t know, my darling. I thought you were repulsed by me.’

‘Never. You sent me away before I could tell you that I loved you.’

‘I never abandoned you, Lena. Though it might have seemed to you I had. You were always mine. There was not one moment when you ceased to be mine. Not one stray moment when I was not there with you, watching you, protecting you, guiding you back to me. I was always by your side. I was there watching you from the eyes of the woman sitting opposite you on the train, I was there when the man at the end of your carriage followed you safely to your new home. I was there when Roberto told you he suffered from gout, and I was there when the talent scout came to take photographs of you. And I was waiting for you outside the tattoo shop. I was always there, Lena. Always. Because I am your man. And I did everything I could to protect you and keep you safe.’

The truth of his words shone in his eyes.

The familiar smell of his aftershave and the warmth of his skin began to seep into my palms. It was comforting. I wanted to fall into the depths of his eyes. At that moment no one else and nothing else mattered. I was finally safe. I was home.

‘I was always yours?’

‘Always

. You belong to me. From the moment I saw your photo I knew. I fought it and very hard, but it was futile. You are as much one with me as the water that I drink that then becomes part of my blood, my tissue and my sinew. I love you, Lena. You can never know how much. My heart fell to ruin without you.’ His voice was husky with emotion.

‘We’re here,’ the driver said, and I was jolted out of that world where there was no one else but Guy and me.

‘Where are we?’ I asked.

‘We’re flying home. There’s something I want to show you and someone I want you to meet.’

I bit my lip. ‘Um, is Misty still working for you?’

‘No, I fired her the day after you left.’

‘What about Meredith and Tia? Who is taking care of them?’

‘Tia died three weeks ago and Meredith died twenty minutes later.’

‘Oh, Guy, I’m so sorry.’

‘No, don’t be sorry. You should have seen Tia before the accident. She was like a puppy. Irrepressible. Boundless energy. Like a bouncing ball. So full of life. That was no life for either them.’

‘Will you show me a picture of what she looked like before the accident?’

‘Of course.’ He took out his wallet, withdrew a picture, and held it out to me.

I took it, looked at it, and gasped.

‘What is it?’ he asked.

I felt goose pimples rising on my arms. I looked up at him, shocked. ‘I’ve seen her.’

‘Tia?’

‘Meredith. She was the woman who came out of the mist on the ledge. She told me to hold on. She was going soon. She said she was only waiting for her baby.’

He stared at me and shook his head in wonder. ‘That is exactly what she did. She was holding on for Tia.’

‘She must have known I loved you and she was giving her blessing to our union.’

He took both my hands in his. ‘She also knew I never loved her. I never pretended to, either. I cared about her. That was all. But we both loved Tia.’

I looked again at the picture of the child, how full of life she was, and I remembered the shriveled, hairless creature in the tower and shivered.

‘It’s over now,’ he said.

*****