Hate You Not

“You think you were working all the time to like…avoid the stuff?”

Using two fingers, he rubs at his forehead. He looks tired. “Maybe.”

He holds his arm out, like he wants me to get under the covers with him.

I do just that, and he wraps me in his warm arms. “Can you really forgive me?” His lips brush over my hair, and I feel him draw a breath in. “It was unforgivable…the way I left you like that.” Another deep breath, and his face is pressed against my hair. “After my mom died…” A little shudder ripples through his chest. I hug him tighter. “I was…scared that people would find out. What happened. It was me who…made her upset. I knew something was wrong. She would lie on the couch all the time and sleep. But I still got mad at her. It was because she didn’t get me vinegar for a train powered by baking soda and vinegar. The worst part was she got the train.” His voice breaks on the word. I rub my hand over his back. “It was this fucking cool train. Lightweight. After…” He swallows and inhales. “After she died, my dad threw it away.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

“She was a good mom. But it was me who wasn’t grateful enough. You can say she was depressed, but…it was me, June. No one but me pushed her over the edge. My dad wasn’t even there. It was just me. And I did that. So how can I be good for anybody?”

His whole body quivers so hard. Then I know he’s crying. He’s gulping air down like we’re running out, and I feel something wet in my hair.

“My poor Burkie. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

His shallow breaths come faster, and I try to get him to calm a bit. “Breathe in through your nose…and out your mouth.” I can feel him trying. “It hurts really bad. Makes you feel so lost, right?”

I stroke his hair, holding his cheek to my chest. “It’s okay. You are gonna be okay. At some point. It won’t hurt as much.”

“I didn’t know. And I should have. I want to go back. So I can know, Juney. That was my app.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like…this dynamic depression screener,” he says thickly. “It guides meditation…you tell it your moods. Like, let’s say…you do the meditations for eleven minutes…usually. If you don’t, if…for two days it’s nine…and then six. If you click through in a certain pattern…certain speeds. The AI can identify depression. It can contact a doctor or call a help line. Monitor your browser history…if you ask it.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“It’s really complicated. Who I sold it to—he’s older. With a bigger team.” He sighs. “I was tired.”

“Of working frantically? I know you must have been. So is he going to do it like you wanted?”

He nods. “I’ve got some money in it. But I’m not in charge. I stopped developing…and left the team…for now.”

“You were probably run down. You just need some time. Maybe you can support it with your money but let your day to day be something else.”

He nods. I press a soft kiss against his damp cheek. “I forgive you, Burke babe. You just stick with Juney. We can figure out the way between us. We’ll do it together. I’m strong and solid, and I think you’re pretty damn strong, too. Together we’re unbreakable.”

He nods. I stroke his hair back off his damp forehead. “Kids lash out. You’re gonna see that. It’s a normal part of kids just being kids. When someone’s…well…a parent with good mental health doesn’t take that personally. You can dust yourself off. I’m so sorry for your mama.”

He hugs me more tightly then and nods. “You wanna go by her resting place tomorrow? Take some pretty flowers?”

He shrugs, and I second-guess the suggestion. “Or we don’t have to.”

“I don’t ever go. It’s probably overgrown.”

“They do maintenance. And your mama isn’t in there anyway.” I put a hand over his chest. “She’s in here.”

“I don’t know if I can ever believe in a happy ending, June. You might need someone who can.”

That breaks my heart. “You ought to know by now that I don’t listen to what people tell me to do. Maybe you just need to see some happy things. Have yourself some happy endings.”

I don’t know why, but I kiss him on the mouth.

He wraps his hand around my head and kisses me more deeply.

“B—”

“I need it. I need this.”

So he gives me oral on that basis—that he needs it. And I let him because I’m mega horny since he knocked me up. Also because I want him happy. And like I said, I like happy endings.

After that, I lay him down and take his dick and treat it like an ice cream cone. I think I do a nice job, because he starts pulling my hair, which just encourages me, and thrusting into my mouth, and then comes hard.