Hate You Not

“What was that?” Margot asks.

June grins. “He likes raisins.” From this angle, I can see she has a little dimple on her left cheek. She swipes her hair back from her face and pulls it up into a hair band she’s been wearing around her wrist. Then she digs more raisins from her pocket.

“He really likes those?” Oliver asks, wrinkling his little freckled nose.

“Oh yes. He would eat them all day, wouldn’t you, Hottie?”

The kids pet him and June shows them how to feed him raisins from an upturned palm. I watch from behind them, thinking she looks more content than she has since I met her. After that, she sends us out to walk around the track while she fusses over the stallion and saddles him up. When she and Hot Rocket stroll out, Margot and Oliver flip a coin, and Margot gets to go first.

June grins as she leads our niece around the track. Our niece. That’s weird. But accurate. The weirder thing is me trying not to look at Auntie June’s ass in those leggings she’s got on today. I’m finding that it tends to be her ass I get hung up on—that or her smile. Woman’s nothing like I expected.

In a few minutes, she, Margot, and Hot Rocket are back beside me. June helps a beaming Margot down and waves Oliver over.

“I got it.” I grab him by the hips and lift him up into the saddle, and Oliver tips a pretend hat at me. “Thank yeh suuuur.”

“Yes, sir, my pleasure.”

June rolls her eyes. Then she pulls the elastic band out of her hair, puts it between her teeth, and starts to fuck with it. Even her hair’s abnormally pretty—sort of golden. With her smooth, tanned skin and those brown eyes with little gold specs—

I divert my eyes down to my boots.

When I look up, she’s still at it. I frown.

“Braiding,” she says. “Have you heard of braids, Burke Bug?”

The kids giggle at that. I roll my eyes at her like she just did at me.

“Maybe on”—I wave my hand, searching for the word— “on little dolls. Are you a doll, June?”

I add some innuendo just to irritate her and am rewarded with a puritanical widening of her eyes.

“Not so much.” She shifts her attention to Oliver. “I’m going to walk you around. This is just to get you used to his rhythm and pacing. We don’t want to tire him out. Does that work for you?”

Does that work for you? I don’t know a hell of a lot about kids, but I don’t think you ask them if something works for them. My thoughts must be painted on my face, because she gives me a covert “what?” look.

I flash her a phony smile. Go and start walking him around the track, sweetheart. Let me see the back of that fine braid there.

I smirk as she passes.

She sighs like she can feel my eyes on her ass.

“Aunt June is silly when you’re here. I like that.” I look down at Margot. Her hair is in pigtailed braids, too, I realize. She’s smiling up at me angelically.

“I forgot you were there, kid.”

“I’m sneaky like that.” Her smile widens. She looks so peaceful and content right now. It’s almost impossible to believe she just lost both parents. Six is a better age than nine, though. Maybe she’ll fare better than I did.

I give her cheek a soft pinch. “How ya doing, kiddo? What do you think of Aunt June’s farm?”

“It’s my farm now.” She lifts her chin a little.

My stomach gets that topsy-turvy feeling. “Is it?”

“Yeah. I’m just gonna be a cowgirl.” She shrugs, and I can’t help laughing.

“Are you?”

She shields her eyes with one hand and looks out at the woods surrounding the field we’re in. “It’s a little hot here, but I like the big trees. And I like Aunt June, and her chickens. Do you?” She frowns up at me.

“Do I like the chickens?”

“Do you like Aunt June.” She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah. Oh yeah. I like her.”

“I don’t know if she likes you. Maybe.” She shrugs, looking contemplative.

Then she wraps an arm my leg, below the knee. I touch her hair and try to swallow, which is suddenly harder than normal.

“I miss Mommy,” she whispers.

I suck a breath in.

“Why can’t I see her?” Her voice cracks, and I bite the inside of my cheek and squeeze my eyes shut for a second. “I just want to see her one more time.”

She sniffs, and my eyes throb as I grit my teeth. Then Hot Rocket is bounding toward us. Oliver is laughing, and June’s running beside him.

I wrap an arm around Margot’s back and hug her little body to me.

“I’m sorry,” I manage. It’s inadequate, I know, but I’m not sure what else to say. “Hey…you want to see some cool tricks?”