Atone (The Disciples 2)

“To Tuesday girls’ night.” Doug holds up his margarita.

“You’re ridiculous.” I grab mine and start to guzzle it. “That went down way too easy. I guess I’m Ubering.” I reach for a chip.

We started having girls’ night pretty much after he left me. To be honest, this is my sanity. A reason to get up and get going. All of us seem to be in the same boat.

Misery loves company, I guess. A couple of days after my disaster, Ryder was pretty much missing in action.

Much like everything else that hurts her, Cindy smiles and says it never happened. On one of our girls’ nights, I tried to corner her after I bared my soul at the table. She didn’t even blink—simply downed a shot and excused herself to the restroom.

If I wasn’t so caught up in my own shit, I would insist she talk about it, but seeing as I’m holding on by a thin thread…

“So.” I slap my hands on the table. “I know that I have been doing a lot of—”

“Holy fuck, I love this song,” Doug interrupts me and stands up to dance. I look over at Dolly who does, in fact, look like a doll tonight. She’s perfect. Her skin is glowing; her eyes are clear.

“Wait, I know I was late, but are you back with Edge again?”

Doug motions to the bartender for another round and looks down at me. “Tell them.”

She smiles and looks around until her eyes land on me. “I think… I might have met someone, and if I can move on, you can too.” She raises her margarita glass and drinks.

“I’m sorry, what?”

I have no idea why I’m not happy, or why I feel like I’m going to burst into tears.

“Yes.” She smiles.

Cindy screams and looks to the ceiling. “Thank you, Lord. You’ve answered my prayers.” Her dramatics make Doug dance over to her and snuggle his arm around her.

“Yes, our little Doll has finally moved on.” He takes Cindy’s drink and downs it.

“You okay?” He nods at me.

“Am I okay?” I look around as if they’re all from a different planet. These three have become my best friends. We’ve shared all our secrets. Well, I’ve shared all my secrets.

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?” I look her straight in her pretty brown cat eyes.

“I wanted to be sure.”

“You wanted to be sure? How long has this been going on? Last week you were bitching about Edge.”

“Look, Beauty, it doesn’t matter if it’s a day or years. When it’s right, it’s right. Now if Dolly can open herself up and find love, then you can move the fuck on too,” Doug snaps at me.

I look down at my hands. They’re shaking. This is surreal and I need alcohol.

I grab the closest margarita and down it in three gulps letting the tequila go to work. My face heats up as my head starts to spin.

“You look like you’re going to cry.” She reaches for my hand.

“I’m hurt, that’s all… and I was secretly always rooting for Edge.”

“Look, Charlie.” It’s bitchy-sounding and I raise a brow at her. “I haven’t said anything because I had to go through these emotions alone. But this guy is nice and he doesn’t make me look like you, so that’s a big win for me.”

“Wow.” I pull my hand away. I don’t need her lecture. I’ve been vomiting out my pain to these three people, and come to think of it, all they’ve done is hold my hair back when I throw up and tell me he’s not worth it.

“I need to go.” I try to scoot out, but Doug blocks the exit of the booth with his skinny ass.

“Nope. You’re going to wish Dolly well. You’re going to say—”

“Congratulations. You should have said something. Am I the only one in our group who’s honest about their feelings?” I slap my hands on the table.

“Define honest. All I see is a beautiful woman who used to be happy and strong and now looks like a waif who needs new clothes.” She points at me. “All because she fell in love with a fucking Disciple and let him ruin her.” Dolly shoves the basket of chips at me. “Here. Eat something before the wind blows you away.”

I shake my head. “Dolly.”

She glances up at the ceiling and around the bar, which is more crowded than before. “I’m sorry, but when I look at you, I see me and it’s killing me.”

We stare at each other, our eyes filled with tears. “Oh, come here.” She reaches for me, knocking over a margarita in the process, but neither of us cares as we hug until the wet, sticky drink makes us pull away.

“This is why I don’t ever fall in love.” Cindy wipes her eyes, her hands animated. “Look at you two, Dolly lying to herself, and Charlize downright pathetic.” She jumps up. “Excuse me.” She runs toward the restroom, her blond hair and boobs causing the men at the bar to stop and stare.