Repent (The Disciples 3)

“I know who we are.” It sounds unsure even to me. Again, he sits back and lifts his hips to get his cigarettes out of his slacks. I examine his neck, chest, anything that can give me clues. Unfortunately, all I can see are my claw marks. If he fucked someone else, I’m not seeing it.

The flick of the lighter makes me focus on him. He inhales and hands it to me. I take it, the slap in my face not unnoticed. Ever since we started smoking together, Edge always shares his cigarette with me, but he always puts it in my mouth.

“See, that’s where our problem is. Because I don’t think you do.”

I inhale and take a second to let myself think before I tell the truth. “I’m honest about us. I’m actually too honest. That’s why I don’t want kids.”

“Ah. Yes. The no kids because I’m a criminal thing.” The way he says it makes it much worse than I intended it to sound.

I stand up and start to pace. “I have no idea why you are taking offense at that.”

He stands up, towering over me and rages, “You called me a criminal. You think we’re not fit to be parents. I embarrass you.”

It’s almost like he slapped me.

My face turns red. “What are you talking about?”

His piercing stare is painful. We’re painful! It makes me want to turn away, guard myself from his honesty. He reaches for my face and instead of stepping away, I let him touch me.

I crave him. Smoke caresses us. It wraps around my arm, swirling to his hands, which hold my wet cheeks.

When did I start crying? I’ve cried so much I don’t even feel it anymore.

“Why?” He gives my head a jerk as if he’s trying to make me see things his way.

“Edge, I don’t understand.” He steps back. His hands take the cigarette from my numb fingers.

“You don’t want to understand. You can’t see that everything you hide, I see. I’ve made mistakes. But I have never been ashamed of you.”

My ears are ringing and I want to cover them. “I’m not ashamed of you,” I snap. Distance. I need to put some distance between us. His smell and mere presence are making me doubt myself.

He grabs my arm. “Don’t turn away. We’re not kids, Dolly. We’re fucking adults. We live and breathe and have good and bad in us. Whether you want to admit it or not, I embarrass you. But the real truth is that you’ve embarrassed yourself. And trying to cover it up with red lips and fucking clothes means nothing.”

“Stop it,” I hiss. He’s crazy, twisting everything. “You only want to win. It’s all a game to you.” I tear my arm away. “All you Disciples do this… You cheat, you steal, you lie, and the women who love you take it. Well, not me. I refuse.” I’m screaming and I don’t care that the look on his face tells me he’s crushed or baffled or whatever. He needs someone to give him the truth. I’m done lying for him, the club, my dad. Jesus, the list goes on.

The suite is silent save for our breathing. He cocks his head and steps forward, his body warm, his eyes sad and tired-looking.

“I never thought it was a game. And I see everything clearly. Thank you for letting me into your head.” His thumb traces my lips.

I’m stunned. This has never happened before. Did he just get it? “So, you… what?” Because what does all this mean?

“Shhh, I get all of it.” He grabs my face with both hands and brings his mouth down on mine. He tastes delicious, like bourbon and smoke, and I moan into him. He’s kissing me so slowly so… sadly. I lift my hands to his hair and wrap them in his loose curls, absently thinking I need to give him a haircut soon. He pulls back, his turquoise eyes searching my face.

I think he’s going to say something that will make us right. Because that’s what he does. Edge always fixes it, so when he says nothing and instead growls and pulls me into his arms to kiss me again, I have to steady myself.

This kiss is pure pain, and for a second, it makes me want to pull back and run

Danger.

He tightens his hold as his tongue devours mine. It’s the most sensual kiss we’ve ever had. His mouth moves up my cheeks, licking and kissing, and yet still he stays quiet.

He reaches for the bottom of my white dress and slips it off me. I shiver. It’s not cold but the difference in him… in the way he touches, looks at me makes me shiver again.

“I love you,” I whisper because no matter what, that is the truth. I will always love him… so much I can’t live without him.