Broken Dove (Fantasyland 4)

“I get you, Cristiana, boy do I get you,” I told her. “But when he has something to say, he doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise.”

“Then, dearie,”—she leaned deeper into me, grabbed my hand and held it tight—“you must find a way to communicate, to make him listen, and that way may not be through words.”

She was making all sorts of sense and it was an understatement to say that I liked—no, I had to admit I loved some of what she was saying.

But I didn’t get that.

So I shared, “I’m sorry, Cristiana, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Pay attention, Miss Maddie,” she whispered, “for, if a woman is clever, and she pays heed, every man will give her clues as to how to make her will be known and even how to make her will be done and have he be the one who’s doing it.”

Holy crap.

“Are you talking about using sex?” I breathed.

She sat back and let my hand go so she could throw out hers. “If that works on a particular man, absolutely.”

I pulled in a breath.

She had been doing great but I didn’t think that was good advice. Not with Apollo.

“However, Ulfr is not a man like that,” she continued, and I let out my breath. “If you did not please him in the bedroom, he would not return to it night after night. That’s certain. But he is not a man to be ruled by his body.”

Okay, she was getting back on track.

“No, you, for him, it’s something different,” she declared.

“So,” I started hesitantly, “you’re saying I should play mind games.”

“No,” she replied. “I’m saying you should find your way to get his attention. This may be honesty. It may be emotion, as long as that, too, is honest. Ulfr is also not a man who would countenance games, as you call them. Manipulation is not the key to a man like Ulfr.”

Definitely getting back on track.

And I knew it because Apollo had often made it clear he wanted more from me and the more he wanted was me to share myself with him in more than time and sex.

So I whispered, “Right.”

She nodded but carried on.

“He is also not a man who wastes time. He knows better than most how precious it is. And if given time because one is wasting it, he could make a decision that would be sad…” she paused, staring me direct in the eyes, “for him, for you and for his children.”

“Giving up on me,” I guessed, my voice quiet, my heart beating hard.

Then she got so on track, she was a freaking monorail.

“It’s crucial, not only building something with someone, but maintaining it, to show you care about the things they care about,” she told me. “It is also crucial for you to demonstrate that you will handle their needs with care, just as they do the same for you. Apollo Ulfr would strike no one as a needy man. That does not mean he’s not a man who has needs.”

She was right. Because he was so strong, so imposing, it didn’t hit me.

Apollo had needs.

He needed to protect his children and me against whatever was happening out there. And he was driven to do more, and that would be make us all happy, give us a good life, even when times were uncertain. And he needed to do what he had to do to keep his people—the people of his House, his soldiers, hell, all of the people of Lunwyn and the entirety of two freaking continents—safe.

And he didn’t need to be f**king around with my issues because his were a whole lot more important than me figuring out I didn’t want a career in prostitution and couldn’t start a pizza delivery service.

In other words, I’d f**ked up.

Shit, I’d f**ked up!

And I had to sort it out.

Immediately.

So I stood and announced, “I have to go to the main house.”

Smiling, Cristiana stood with me. “You do, indeed.”

I sucked in a huge breath and gave her a shaky smile.

When I did that but didn’t move, she noted, “You’re not making haste to Karsvall.”

“Right,” I said and jumped to it, moving swiftly to the door. But I stopped in it and turned. “Thanks, honey,” I whispered.

“Go, Miss Maddie,” she replied.

I nodded and ran to the hooks by the front door. I grabbed one of my cloaks and threw it on. I opened the trunk under it and nabbed some gloves and pulled those on too.

Then I was out the door.

I had no horse of my own in the stables so I had no choice but to walk to the main house. I did this as swiftly as I could, following the snowed over (as there hadn’t been any of late) trail Apollo and the men’s horses had made.

It still was a fifteen minute walk and even with my fur-lined cloak and gloves, I was frozen through by the time I hit the front door of Karsvall.

I stood there not knowing what to do.

Should I knock?

And what if the kids saw me?

Then it hit me it was early afternoon, after lunch and outdoor activities. They should be at their studies. So at least that was safe.

Talking to Apollo, that was another story.

I lifted my hand, not knowing whether to go for the doorknob or rap on it, when it was opened.

Achilles was standing there.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Maddie,” he replied, his eyes openly studying me but he didn’t hesitate to reach out, wrap his fingers around my elbow and pull me out of the cold. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you,” he noted, closing the door.

“Uh…yeah,” I replied, looking nervously into the house and seeing nothing but Apollo’s fabulous décor.

“You’ve been well?” Achilles inquired and I turned back to him.

“Yes…no. That is, yes-ish but I would say no more,” I replied and his head tipped to the side.

I could get he was confused at my answer but I didn’t have time for this. I had just spent fifteen minutes walking, time that ate away at my courage. I had to get down to this and pronto.

“Listen honey,” I went on, moving closer to him. “I’d love to visit but I need to speak with Apollo.”

“Is anything amiss?” he asked.

“No, but yes,” I answered.

His lips curved up as he murmured, “She speaks in riddles.”

“I need to talk to Apollo,” I repeated on a whisper.

His eyes moved over my face and it was Achilles that got closer and his voice got lower when he said, “I’m sorry, Maddie, but he’s away to the Drakkar seat.”