Gentleman Nine

“No, but he will be.”

“You seem so sure of that…”

He crossed his arms. “I am.”

Channing was looking me straight in the eyes, and the intensity of that prompted me to change the subject.

I sighed. “Alright…let’s talk about something other than Rory. Like literally anything.”

He crumpled up a napkin and threw it at me playfully. “How about moldy cheese?”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious. What the fuck did you have growing in your refrigerator? I cleaned all that shit out, by the way.”

Mortified, I said, “Oh. I thought you were joking. You’re actually talking about cheese. I’m sorry…I’ve neglected the fridge lately. It was the one thing I didn’t get to tackle before you moved in. I couldn’t tell you what was in there. I—”

“You don’t owe me any explanations. It’s your kitchen…your moldy cheese. Not my place to judge.”

“You think I’m a pig, don’t you?”

“Far from it.”

“Well, I have no excuse for that.”

“I beg to differ. How about…you work long hours, and your head isn’t on straight lately because your heart is broken. Fuck the cheese. I’m sorry for even mentioning it. I was just messing with you. You said to change the subject, and for some reason that was the first thing that came to mind.”

Attempting to change the subject yet again, I asked, “When do you start your new job again?”

“Bright and early tomorrow.”

“Wow. Okay. You know how to get there from here?”

“I need to check the train route online.”

“You’ll take the Orange Line to the Red. I think the stop is Kendall Square.”

“I’ll figure it out.” He smiled, pouring me the last drop of wine. “Tell me more about this school you work at. You like it there?”

Now, that was something I could never get enough of talking about.

“Yes. I love my job, actually. It’s a school for kids with developmental challenges, like autism and Down’s syndrome. I’m a TA in one of the classrooms. Then, a few nights a week, I work with a special needs adult, taking him out into the community.”

“That’s got to be a handful.”

“It is. But it’s very rewarding.”

“Well, they’re lucky to have you.”

I didn’t know what else to say. “Thank you.” I’d never been great at accepting compliments.

We opened another bottle of wine and spent the next couple of hours reminiscing. I’d forgotten how easy Channing was to talk to, and with each passing hour, I was less intimidated by his physical presence. The last time we’d really talked at great length like this was before Rory and I got together. It reminded me of those early days after Lainey’s death.

After our extended lunch, I felt a great deal better about him staying with me. Channing was still the same wildly charismatic guy I remembered, but he’d definitely matured. He seemed sensitive to my feelings, and I no longer feared that he’d disrespect my space in any way. In fact, the only thing I really feared after our afternoon together was that I might get used to him being around and not want him to leave.CHAPTER THREE* * *CHANNINGGod, she looked exactly the same as when she was sixteen. It made me feel like a perv, even though I knew she was in her twenties and only a couple of years younger than me.

How she hadn’t aged was beyond me. The same petite body. The same straight, long, dark auburn hair with the exact same bangs cut straight across the forehead. The same brown doe eyes. They used to be full of wonder, but tonight they were mostly dark.

Fucking asshole took away the light in her eyes.

My mother always told me I shouldn’t go to bed angry, that it would affect my dreams and that the negative energy would carry over into the next day. But as I lay in bed that night, I really couldn’t help obsessing over the bomb that Amber dropped. Never in a million years would I have predicted that he was the one responsible for their break up.

She was so upset and wound up over Rory; I wished I could have just kissed the fuck out of her to make her forget—or even better, show her what it’s like to be with a real man. That may have been an inappropriate thought, but nevertheless, I had it. A lot of inappropriate thoughts were moving in and out of my head. And that was pretty funny considering I couldn’t ever act on them.

Years ago, I’d come to terms with the fact that Amber and Rory were together, because I assumed at the very least, he would do right by her and cherish her. It was the only reason I didn’t beat the shit out of him when I came home from college and realized he’d broken our pact, pursued her, and had fucking taken her virginity.

Back when we were teenagers, I’d always known that Rory wanted Amber. What I never considered was that she could return his feelings. The three of us would hang out together, watching movies or just chilling down in my basement, and I’d catch him staring at her when she wasn’t looking. He’d be fixated on her, and I would be fixated on his fixation with her. She was oblivious to his feelings and even more oblivious to mine, because I hid them really well. It was no exaggeration to say I’d probably hooked up with all of Amber’s friends. So, yeah, I was really good at throwing her off. I’m certain she never suspected that I liked her as more than a friend. My actions certainly never demonstrated that.