Alexei (Chicago Blaze 5)

“I’ll make something, but thanks,” I say.

Amelia sets her bowl of noodles down and gets up, walking into the kitchen. “I was craving a burger, but I’m saving for that handbag, so…ramen won,” she admits. “How was Intake Day?”

I shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

“Why just okay?”

I pull the coffee I bought at lunch out of my bag and open it to refill our cannister, then stack the apples I bought into a bowl on the counter.

“It’s a tough group,” I say, finally answering.

“How so?”

A flicker of aggravation passes through me and I frown.

“You’ll feel better if you talk about it,” Amelia says, sliding up to sit on our kitchen counter. “And don’t pretend like you don’t want to or filter it. This is me. Just tell me what it is.”

She’s right. We’ve been friends and roommates for so long that Amelia knows me better than anyone ever has. And she’s also a therapist, so she’s good at reading my nonverbal cues.

I exhale hard and walk over to the kitchen table, sitting down.

“I felt so ready to start with a new group this morning. When I read the case notes, I knew there would be at least one big challenge in my group. But then I met her, and…it kinda broke my heart.”

“Those kinds of patients take a lot out of you.”

I shake my head and then bury my face in my hands. “Then I have a spoiled brat I’d like to drop-kick into another zip code, and a pro athlete with an ego the size of Texas.”

“It’s Day One, Graysen,” Amelia gently reminds me. “You know the way people present themselves when they first get there isn’t really…real.”

I nod and sit up straight, putting my hands in my lap. “You’re right. And I like getting the most challenging patients…usually.”

“Why not this time?”

I meet my friend’s gaze across our small kitchen. “I’d be ashamed to admit it to anyone but you.”

Amelia smiles and slides down from the counter, coming over to sit beside me at the table. “Let’s hear it, Gravy.”

My middle name is Victoria, and once Amelia found out I was Graysen V. Wells, she started calling me Gravy, and I sometimes call her Mimi. She’s definitely my person, so I dive in and admit the one thing that pains me to even admit to myself.

“Okay, so the pro athlete…he’s testing the waters, trying to flirt with me so he can get on my good side. You know how that goes.”

Amelia gives me a sympathetic look. “I was doing marital counseling today and the guy was trying to flirt with me. Awkward. But anyway…yes, I know how that goes. Why is it bothering you, though? He’ll stop trying when it doesn’t work.”

“The thing is…it kind of is working.”

Amelia’s eyes widen. “What do you mean?”

I groan, my cheeks warm with embarrassment. “I did and said all the right things to shut him down like I’m supposed to. Changed the subject, ignored things…”

“Okay, good.”

“But inside,” I admit, “I was enjoying it. I caught him looking at my legs and my heart started racing. I felt so…flattered that a hot guy would look at me, even though…he really wasn’t.”

Amelia takes my hand and squeezes it. “Graysen, of course hot guys look at you. You’re gorgeous.”

I give her a serious look. “No, this guy is…you should see him. He’s…just…”

“You’ve got a crush on him,” Amelia says gently.

I cringe. “Which is fucking ridiculous. He’s a patient, first of all, and he’s so arrogant he doesn’t even think he needs help, which he clearly does.”

“It’s not ridiculous.”

“It’s unprofessional!” It comes out louder than I meant it to, and my throat is tight with emotion. It’s all I can do not to cry.

“You’re human,” Amelia says softly. “This happens, you know it does. As long as you don’t act on it—”

“I haven’t been touched by a man since Chris.” I hang my head, ashamed even though I’m admitting to something that Amelia already knows. “It’s been almost two years. And look at me, I’m like a bitch in heat, getting all warm and tingly over a patient.”

“Graysen,” Amelia says firmly. “You’re exhausted. You haven’t been getting enough sleep. I’m going to make you some soup—the fancy-ass stuff in a can, not ramen—and we’re going to watch some Chris Farley and Spartan cheerleader skits, and then you need to take a hot shower and go to bed. This is all going to feel better in the morning.”

I sniffle and smile, squeezing her hand. “You’re right.”

She gives me a hesitant look before speaking again. “And I see it differently than you do. I think feeling attracted to a man is a good thing for you. So what if nothing can happen between you guys? It’s been a long time since you’ve felt something, for any man.”

I nod. It has been a long time. What happened with Chris was so devastating that I haven’t even considered opening myself up again, even a little. But that was a conscious choice. And today, Alexei Petrov blew past my self-constructed firewall and stirred up something buried deep inside me.