Beyond Reckless (Lost Kings MC 8)
“Okay, maybe not. Wrath definitely hazed her a little. But she gave it right back. More importantly, she showed Trinity respect. Took Heidi under her wing.” He glances at the door and mumbles, “Stood by her man when he needed her. That’s the shit that matters, Charlotte.”
“Tell me Wrath was meaner to Hope than he was to me.”
He snorts. “It’s not quite the same.” His fingers tangle in my hair, tilting my head back. “I was proud of you. You stood your ground. Wrath respects that. It’ll still take him time to really trust you.”
“I understand.” I look around, suddenly feeling skeeved. “So how many girls have been in this room?”
He rolls to his back and stares at the ceiling. “Surprised it took you this long.”
“Me too. Come on.”
“Enough.”
Another, worse thought, occurs to me. “Did I hang out with any of them last night?”
“You really want to do this?”
“Well, I know you didn’t sleep with Hope.”
He snorts like the idea’s ridiculous.
“Or Trinity.”
He looks away.
“Did you?”
His face turns to stone and he throws the covers back, rolling out of bed. “Don’t pull at this thread, Charlotte. It’s only going to hurt people.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
As much as I tried to skip the whole former partners talk, I’m sure it will come up again at some point. Does Charlotte have a right to know? I guess. I’d hate for her to find out later. It’s also exposing some pretty shitty behavior on my part. Even if I didn’t know it at the time. Maybe I should ask Trinity what she thinks so I don’t end up hurting people I’ve already hurt enough. I’m sure as fuck not bringing it up with Wrath.
Murphy texts me that he and Heidi are coming over to have breakfast with us and to get my ass downstairs.
“We’re wanted downstairs.”
Charlotte groans. “I don’t think I can handle any more of Wrath’s inquisition.”
“It’s Murphy and Heidi.”
“That, I’m happy to do.”
There are plenty of people left over from the party. None of them awake or sober, so I don’t bother asking if anyone wants to join us for breakfast.
The dining room holds a few more sleeping bodies and Charlotte chuckles. “Now this I’m familiar with.”
I push the swinging door into the kitchen, finally finding Heidi and Murphy.
“Thought we’d eat at the kitchen table since everything’s a mess out there,” Heidi explains.
“Fine by me.”
Murphy’s waiting at the table, eyes on my sister’s ass as usual. I snap my fingers in front of his face. “Where’s Alexa?”
“With Hope. Jesus. What do you think, we just toss her in her crib and walk out?”
“Calm your tits.”
“Fuck you.”
“Knock it off,” Heidi scolds.
Charlotte lets out a nervous chuckle.
“Ignore them,” Heidi says. “They do this all the time.”
I’m not sure how I feel about Heidi hanging out, cooking for us in my clubhouse. It’s fucking weird, but I keep my mouth shut since it doesn’t seem to bother Murphy.
As we’re finishing up, my phone goes off and I pull it out, checking the text under the table. Charlotte leans over. “Everything okay?”
“Bro, put the phone away at the table,” Murphy jokes.
I lift my head, and without using any of the gray matter between my ears explain, “Serena’s in town. Wants to know if it’s okay for her to come up next weekend.”
Murphy’s fork clatters on his plate and he shoots a death-glare at me. “Why?”
I don’t think he means why does she want to come up here? No, he means why the fuck would you bring her up in front of your sister?
Heidi falls quiet, barely moving.
“Who’s Serena?” Charlotte asks. “And why is she texting you?”
“Good question,” Murphy snarks. “Why are you in contact with her?”
Good one, little brother.
“I’m not. I haven’t heard from her in forever.” I glance at my sister. “Don’t sweat it.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Murphy snaps.
My sister drills me with an intense stare before placing a hand on Murphy’s arm. “I don’t care. As long as she’s not rude to me, I couldn’t care less,” she answers evenly. She turns her big brown eyes my way. “Go ahead, tell her it’s fine.”
It’s pretty obvious who Serena is. A muffler bunny.
Heidi acted like she didn’t care, but five seconds later she jumps up and leaves the table. Murphy watches her go, then turns on Teller.
“What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“Is she okay?” I ask.
Murphy’s simmering with anger, but he turns to me and in an even voice asks, “Would you go talk to her, Charlotte? Please?” I’m not sure if he’s asking because he genuinely thinks I have something to offer Heidi or because he doesn’t want to kick Teller’s ass in front of me.
Either way, I’m worried about Heidi so I leave to go find her. If Murphy kicks my boyfriend’s ass, I’m sure it won’t be the first time. Or the last time the two of them get into it. They seem to have that sort of relationship, and I won’t interfere.
I find Heidi outside staring into the woods, arms crossed over her chest.
“Heidi? Is everything all right?”
She sniffles and scrubs her hands over her face before turning and flashing a quick smile at me. “I’m fine.”
I approach her slowly unsure of what to say.
“Do you want to go back inside?”
She gives a quick shake of her head. “Not yet.”
We stand there together quietly for a few minutes.
“Ugh…how many of his ex-fuckbuddies do I have to…Never mind.”
“Serena?”
Her mouth twists down. “It doesn’t matter. It was before we were together.”
“That sort of comes with dating someone in a club, Heidi. You must know that.” Why hello, pot. Giving the kettle advice, are you?
She glares at me. “Yeah, I’m well aware. Thanks.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know you didn’t.” She waves her hand toward the clubhouse. “I’ve gotten over it with some. I mean, there’s still stuff I wish I didn’t know, but it’s such ancient history.” She seems to think about her next statement. “It’s not like I sit around asking which bunny he’s boned. I’d rather not know. Serena’s probably the closest he has to an ‘ex’ though, you know?”
“Your brother and Serena?” Why am I making this worse?
“Don’t know. Don’t wanna know. Probably.” She shakes her head. “Fucking Marcel,” she mumbles.
Yeah, I have to wonder why her brother blurted that out. It seemed a little cruel to do to the sister he says he loves so much.
After a few minutes, she straightens up. “It is what it is, you know? Either I trust him or I don’t. Either I can forget the past and move on or I can make both of us miserable.”
“That’s a very adult attitude, Heidi. I’ve known women twice your age who still haven’t figured that out.”
“I love him.”
“I can see that. I can see how much he loves you too.”
She gives me a weak smile.
“Do you trust him?”
Her head tilts. “Blake? Yes. He’s always been honest with me. He already feels awful about some of it. Why make him feel worse?” She stops and glances down at her shoes, tapping her feet a few times before speaking. “I hurt him when I married Axel,” she whispers. “I knew it was a mistake and I went through with it anyway. He’s never once made me feel bad about it.” She shrugs. “I’m sorry you had to come out here and listen to all this drama.”
“Oh, honey.” I wrap an arm around her shoulders. “This is not drama. I’ve seen ol’ ladies throw dishes at their ol??
? man and rip the extensions right off a club whore’s head.”
Her nose wrinkles. “Gross.” She glances at the clubhouse again. “That kind of stuff definitely does not happen here.”
“Are we really having this talk again?” Murphy growls after Charlotte goes after Heidi.
“Which talk is that?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Marcel. Go apologize to Heidi right now. And so help me if you upset her again, I’m kicking your fucking ass.”
“Love to see you try, brother.”
He leans in, narrowing his eyes. “I won’t need to try. If you think I’m going to go easy on you because your girl’s here, or you’re handicapped or because you’re my best friend, you’re dead wrong, bro.”
Murphy must be pissed to use the handicapped dig and bust out the sarcastic bro. A pang of regret vibrates through me for being so careless that I pushed my best friend this far.
“Yeah, I’ll go talk to her.”
I pass Charlotte on my way to the living room and stop. “Where is she?”
“Outside. She wanted a few minutes by herself.”
They’re a lot of questions rippling over Charlotte’s face. And it hits me that I’m embarrassed she saw me act like such an asshole. It’s a new feeling and not one I particularly care for.
She cocks her head and reaches out to grab my arm. “Don’t go out there if you’re just going to be mean to her again.”
I glance down at the floor. “I was going to apologize.”
“Good.” She hesitates, probably looking for a tactful way to ask me for a ride home after my epic display of assholery. “Do you want to talk about it first?” she asks.
My head snaps up. “What?”
She flaps her hand in the air. “You know. You. Me. Words. Exchange some?”
Lay out my feelings and leave myself vulnerable in front of a chick? No. That’s not something I do.
“No. I got it.”
She lifts her chin and there’s definitely some hurt or mistrust in her eyes as she focuses on me again. “I’ll go hang in the dining room. You and I will talk later.”
Huh. So, she’s not leaving. But she wants to talk. I’m not sure which one I’d prefer, honestly.
Heidi’s sitting on the round stone bench in front of the clubhouse, staring up at the sky.
“I hope you’re not here with more updates on Serena. I’m really not in the mood,” she says without looking at me.
I drop down next to her and bump her shoulder with mine. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t get you, Marcel. You say you’re happy for us and hurry up with the wedding one day and the next you’re trying to start trouble between us. Why?”
I don’t know what to say because I’m not sure if I even know the answer myself.
“Do you miss having your buddy to go whoring around with?” she asks. By words alone, it seems like a nasty question, but she asks as if she’s genuinely concerned that’s the problem.
“No. That’s not it.” So many emotions stir up I’m not sure where to start. “You cut him bad when you married Axel.”
She finally turns to face me. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I don’t think you do. He spent a lot of time downstate and a couple other places taking on fights for money.”
Her head snaps up. “What’re you talking about?”
I should’ve known Murphy didn’t tell her about the fighting.
“Never mind.”
“Why do you keep trying to cause problems with us?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. Why bring Serena up like that?”
“You worried about him?”
“No. I trust Blake. You, not so much at the moment.”
Shit that hurts. “I love both of you—”
“You’re trying to tell me our relationship puts you in an awkward place. Is that it?”
I think it over before answering. “Maybe.”
“But you’re trying to start trouble where there isn’t any. I don’t care about Serena or whoever, whatever he did before.”
“You don’t?”
She glares at me. “We’ve talked about all of it. Which, by the way is so not your business.” She opens and closes her hands a few times and I wonder if she’s considering clocking me. “I’m not a kid with a crush anymore. We’re…what we have is different. I love him so much. What we have now is real. Whatever he did in the past has nothing to do with us. With our family. He wants to adopt my daughter for God’s sake. I didn’t ask him to do that.” She stops and swipes a few tears off her cheeks. “He wants to do that. That’s what matters to me. Who he is now.”
I’m too stunned to respond.
“That doesn’t mean I want to constantly have my nose rubbed in it though.” She shoots a harsh look at me. “By my brother no less.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“Are you worried that if we break up you’ll have to pick a side?”
“I don’t see you two breaking up.”
She continues as if I hadn’t spoken. “You’d side with the club. I’m not stupid. I know that.”
“That’s the problem. You’re my sister. He hurts you, I’ll kill him. You hurt him, I don’t know what to do.”
She lets out a long sigh. “I appreciate that, Marcel. I do. And I love how much you love both of us. But any problems we may or may not have are not your problem.”
“I can’t help it.”
She leans over and kisses my cheek. “I know. That’s what makes you a good friend and such a good big brother.”
There. The painful twist in my chest when she says that. Because I’m not a good brother. I’ve let her down in so many ways. I don’t deserve her affection and loyalty. “I don’t know about that,” I mumble.
She takes my hand and squeezes gently, silently asking me to add some detail.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me Grams hurt you?” I finally ask.
“Don’t do this now,” she pleads.
“Please, Heidi. When did she start hurting you? What did she do? Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice rises with each question until I’m almost shouting at her. “Why would you tell Axel and not me?”
She sniffles and I realize I’ve made her cry. Again. Maybe I do deserve the ass-kicking Murphy promised.
“I didn’t tell him,” she says through clenched teeth. “Do you really want to hear this? You won’t like it.”
“Heidi, I already hate all of it. But I need to know.”
She swipes at the tears on her cheeks and shakes her head. “He saw marks on me one time.”
“Where?”
“My back. The backs of my legs.”
I realize I’m barely taking in any air while I wait for her to continue.
“He came by the house once when she was coming after me with a spatula. He was furious I wouldn’t tell you. But I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want you to be upset or think it was your fault.”
“Jesus Christ, Heidi. When? How old were you when she started?”
Her shoulders lift and she sniffles again. “I don’t know. After you moved out.”
“You were a kid!” It’s worse than I fucking thought.
“She used to say I had nowhere else to go and if she put me in foster care I’d never see you again.”
Knowing my grandmother used me as the chip to keep Heidi from telling on her makes this even worse.
All the times I’d pick Heidi up and she’d be so excited to see me and the way she’d get quieter and quieter when it was time to drop her off come rushing back. Sometimes she’d throw a tantrum or pretend to be sick and I assumed she was being a bratty little kid. But it was her way of coping with the horrible situation I was sending her back to. The thought lacerates every part of my insides.
“Heidi,” I whisper. “I never, ever would have let you stay there if I’d known. I would’ve figured out something. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
“She threatened to cut off
our visits. I didn’t know what to do. She told me you were a criminal and no court would let you have custody of me.”
“What bullshit.”
“I didn’t know any better. Most of the time, as long as I got good grades and didn’t do anything to bother or embarrass her, she left me alone.”
“I can’t—” My voice cracks and I shake my head, staring down at the ground. “I’m so sorry.”
Even the soft, gentle touch of her hand on my arm makes me feel like shit. “This is why I never wanted you to know, Marcel. I knew you’d do this to yourself. It’s over. She’s gone.” With more force in her voice, she adds, “I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Come here.” I pull her into my arms and she lets loose with so much sorrow.
“I try so hard. But somehow everything I do is always wrong, Marcel. Why?”
“Shh, that’s not true.”
“It is, though.” She throws her hand in the air in the direction of the clubhouse. “I couldn’t wait to get out of Grams’ house and be an ‘adult.’ I wanted to be taken seriously. And now…”
“Too much adulting?”
She lets out a sad laugh. “I guess.”
“You know I’m always here to help you. Just because you’re an adult now doesn’t mean I stop being your big brother.”
“Yeah, but half the time you’re mad at me.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe I’m having a hard time with you being an adult.” I glance toward the clubhouse. “I’ve known him a long time and—”
“And in a different way.”
“Yeah. It’s just weird for me having you two together. I’m trying, Heidi.”
“I hate disappointing you.”
“I’m not disappointed at all. You’re an amazing mother. Everything life throws your way, you tackle head on.”
“Grams always treated anything I did well like it was a reflection of her. But you…you’re the one whose opinion mattered to me. You’re the one I always wanted to make proud.”
I can barely force any words out past the lump in my throat. “I am. I’m so proud of you.”
“But now, I want you to have your own life.” She tilts her head, checking to see if we’re still alone. “I like Charlotte a lot. She’s got ride or die girl written all over her. So, please don’t fuck it up.”