Smoke and Sin (The Perfect Gentlemen 4)

The innkeeper had given them one key, and he’d taken it because it had felt like the natural thing to do. The reservation had been in his name. But he would have taken that key even if it had been in hers.

Because he always had to be in control. In charge.

Frowning, he shoved the key in and opened the door.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, her voice tight. “If you believe I’m giving up now and letting you return me to London, you’re wrong.”

The accusation in her voice put him on edge. She was the one who waited until the last minute to tell him about the meeting she should have shared with him the instant she’d received that text. She was the one who’d snuck away from the safety of London and nearly gotten herself arrested for searching the doctor’s office. But all fucking night he’d been the bad guy.

“You’d be surprised at what I can do, Augustine. I can have you out of this country altogether if I choose to.” It might be for the best. He couldn’t think when she was around, and this conspiracy was a problem that required all of his attention.

“Because you’re the one who chooses. Always.” Tears had sparked in her eyes.

He hated that. She was Augustine Spencer. She didn’t let any man make her cry.

Except him.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

She sighed and turned to him. “Don’t you think I feel the same way? I’m tired of fighting you, Roman. Honestly, I might be tired of fighting, period. I think when we return to the States, I’ll take a friend up on her job offer and move to New York.”

He closed the door and locked it, feeling as if she’d yanked the floor out from under him. “You have a job offer?”

She hesitated. “Sara asked me to come and head up Crawford’s legal department. She’ll need a lot of help once the baby comes.”

“Are you serious?” He had no idea she’d been talking to Gabe’s sister about a job. But then, she wouldn’t share something like that with him. She didn’t share much except her body.

“Why does that surprise you?”

He was quiet for a moment because once more they were on delicate terrain. For years, he’d been walking on eggshells around Gus. The last few days had been the exception, and he’d hoped that meant… Well, it didn’t look as if their relationship was going anywhere now.

“I assumed Sara knew about you and Mad. That doesn’t bother her?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed, letting him know that he’d missed the point again. “Of course she knew Mad and I had a past. Everyone knew. We didn’t try to hide it because we were adults who weren’t ashamed of our sexuality. Sara also accepts that we were really nothing more than friends, human beings who sometimes needed comfort beyond a hug.”

“Naturally I’m the one who was ashamed,” he said with a bitter bite.

“I don’t think you were ashamed of your sexuality, Roman. I think you were ashamed of me.”

God, they were back to square one. Him trying to make things right, and Gus putting the worst spin on his words.

Then again, she had an interesting point. Why hadn’t he been okay back then with his buddies knowing about her? About them?

“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t want to upset Dax.”

“I don’t buy that bullshit.” She ran a hand through her hair, shoving it away from her tense face. “And why would Dax be upset that I was dating one of his best friends? He trusted you. He considers you to be one of the smartest, most honorable people he knows. So why would he have a problem with you dating his sister? Unless, of course, you never intended to have anything but sex with me. Unless I was merely a way to pass the time until the demure June Cleaver of your dreams came along. Until you met Joy.”

“I wish you hadn’t heard any of that,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what would have happened with Joy, but I don’t think it should affect what’s happening between you and me now. I don’t see how talking about her helps us at all.”

“It doesn’t help, but it does put things into perspective. Roman, have you ever once thought about sending me a flirty text? How about pouring out your feelings to me on the Internet? Those must have been pretty impressive e-mails to her since someone wants to blackmail the president of the United States with them.”

Frustration welled inside him. Why were they doing this? They had more important things to talk about, not some semi-emotional affair that had gone nowhere physically. “They weren’t, and I wouldn’t have thought about sending any to her if she hadn’t approached me first. I didn’t just start writing her love letters on a whim. I’m a guy and I don’t think to do those things. If you want the truth, I ignored her the first few times.”

She kept on poking him. “Why? You liked her from the beginning, didn’t you? Did you fall for her a little on that very first double date with Zack? Did you want to switch places with him that night?”

Damn, why did Gus never listen to a thing he said? She had some stubborn, compulsive need to be right. But in this case, she was so fucking wrong. He might have been a shit in the past, but he was trying to protect her now. And she kept bringing up the past. Every time he thought they’d moved beyond what had happened years ago, she circled right back, like a dog with a bone.

He stopped in the middle of the quiet hallway. “The truth? I didn’t notice her at all. I can’t remember the name of the woman who was my date that night. I sat there that whole evening and wondered what you were doing.”

He waited for her snappy comeback, but she’d fallen silent. Gus did that when she knew she was wrong. Or she’d done something wrong herself. “I’ve told you what I was doing that night. I gave you the truth. Quid pro quo. What were you doing right after our breakup? Or maybe the better question is, who were you doing, Augustine? Did Mad give you ‘comfort’ that night, too?”

She flushed, her skin flashing bright red and her eyes narrowing. “You want to fucking know what I was doing that night, Roman? I was with Mad. I was with Mad all night.”

He felt sick. He’d known it. Deep down he’d known the woman he’d been crazy about and one of his best friends had started their years-long fling that night. That was why she hadn’t returned his calls. She hadn’t been hurt, merely busy. And it also explained why Mad hadn’t spoken to him privately for a very long time. Yeah, he’d known she’d left his house that night looking for a little revenge.

“Well, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Of course it doesn’t, Roman. You always knew what kind of a woman I am. You knew it then. Except I wasn’t in Mad’s bed that night.” Tears welled in her eyes, and she tossed back her head as if trying to will them away. “I was in the fucking hospital because I miscarried our baby.”

She froze, eyes wide as she clapped a hand over her mouth as though she could somehow

shove the words back in.

Roman stared, time seeming to stop. He knew it hadn’t, but everything seemed to slow until the world narrowed to one thing and one thing only.

Gus had been pregnant? She had lost their baby that night?

Oh, god. “It was the stairs. You tumbled down the stairs because I grabbed you too hard and…”

It all fell neatly into place. He’d known something was wrong that night, something that went beyond the emotional pain he’d caused her. He’d wanted to follow after her, but he had ignored the impulse. Instead, he’d started drinking with Zack.

While she’d been losing their baby.

“I-I’m sorry, Roman.” The words came out of her mouth on a stutter. “I didn’t mean to tell you like that.”

He didn’t know what to think, how to feel. The bombshell had smashed him. His brain raced, and he couldn’t move his body at all.

“I don’t think you meant to tell me at all.” He’d done his best to sound steady, but he couldn’t stop his voice from shaking.

He’d done that to her. He’d known he could hurt her with his words, but he’d been determined not to let her walk out of that house with the upper hand. He’d been so furious with Gus and he hadn’t thought about anything but continuing their fight.

She’d paid the worst price imaginable.

The whole fight flashed through his head as if it had happened yesterday. And he knew precisely why she’d done and said things that started the argument.

But if I stay in DC, we don’t have to split up.

“You wanted to take the job with Kleinman and Horne so we could stay together. So we could be a family,” he said as he realized the truth.

Tears shone in her eyes, making them bright even in the low light. “I wanted you, Roman. Not only the baby. I wanted us to be together. I was in love with you. I didn’t tell you about the baby because I needed to know if you wanted me, too.” Her lips pursed as she seemingly collected her thoughts. “What would you have done if you’d known?”

She thought he would have told her to take care of the “problem.” Of course she thought that. He hadn’t given her any reason to think otherwise. He’d actually told her that night that he didn’t want children. Yet he knew exactly what he would have done if Gus had divulged her pregnancy to him. He hadn’t changed that much. Yeah, he’d talked a good game back then, but he would have done the right thing. “I would have asked you to marry me.”