Best Friends Don't Kiss

I start into my second set of push-ups, Ava kindly counting for me this round, but the entire time, my mind urges me, Just tell her, dude. Just fucking open your mouth and tell her. Right now.

But when I open my mouth to do it, I promptly shut it.

And I do that two more times before we’re officially interrupted by the sounds of people walking down the entry hallway.

Did we Freaky Friday switch or some shit? Why can’t I seem to follow the advice I’m always giving her and just get it all out in the open?

“Ava Marie! Are you making that man do push-ups with you on his back?”

“Hi, Aunt Lily,” Ava responds, and I don’t miss the amusement in her voice. “And no, I didn’t make him. He made me.”

“My oh my, if that isn’t a sight,” another female voice responds. “The things I’d do to have a man carry me on his back like that.”

“Poppy!”

“What, Lil? You know it’s true. Hell’s bells, you’re probably thinking the same thing. I mean, we all know how much you love Big Don’s wiener, but there’s no way in hell he can carry you on his back like that. He has the osteoporosis, for goodness’ sake.”

“Oh my God, you’re embarrassing.”

The two women, whom I can’t currently see, continue to bicker, and Ava just giggles.

Eventually, once I finish my second set, I do the polite thing and stop.

But instead of shoving Ava off my back entirely, I reach back with two strong hands and grip her thighs, pulling her over my shoulders as I stand up.

“Ahh!” She squeals. “Luke, what the hell!”

And the whole time, her two great-aunts just stand there, grinning at us like it’s the best show they’ve ever seen. I haven’t seen them in person since we graduated college, but if right now is anything to go by, I’m pretty sure these two will still be just as entertaining as they were way back then.

“Aunt Poppy. Aunt Lily,” I greet. “It’s nice to see you ladies again.”

Poppy waggles her gray eyebrows. “I think I speak for both of us when I say, it is truly a pleasure to see you, Luke. A real delicious, delectable—”

Lily slaps her arm. “Goodness, Poppy. Why are you always so inappropriate?”

“Probably because I don’t have a giant stick up my prude ass like you.”

Lily huffs. Poppy keeps smiling.

“What are you guys doing here so early?” Ava asks, still on my shoulders.

“Just dropping off some…pies…” Poppy pauses, looking at Lily with wide, animated eyes. It’s like they are trying to have a conversation telepathically.

“Okay…so where are the pies?”

The room goes silent.

The aunts keep sharing looks with each other.

“The what?” Poppy asks eventually, all of a sudden acting like she’s gone hard of hearing.

“The. Pies,” Ava repeats, skepticism apparent in the sharp inflection of her voice.

“Oh shoot, Pop,” Lily quickly chimes in with an answer. “I knew we forgot something.”

“Well, son of a nutcracker.” Poppy tsks. “How on earth did we come all this way without the pies?”

“Luke, mind putting me down so I can hug the nosy busybodies who are lying about pies?”

Gently, I ease Ava off my shoulders, and she steps forward to give both of her great-aunts a hug.

“Missed you, crazy old bats,” she teases, and they both laugh. “And you know, you don’t have to lie about pie to come and see me.”

“But we didn’t actually come to see you.” Poppy flashes a wicked grin my way. “We came to see your stud muffin pilot boyfriend. And I have to say—” her eyes turn devilish as she gives me a wicked once-over “—our timing was impeccable.”

Ava bursts into laughter. “Well, no need to sugarcoat it.”

And all I can do is grin.

“Oh honey, you know I’m too old to sugarcoat anything.”

“More like too cranky,” Lily mutters, but Poppy ignores her completely.

“So, Luke, you’re keeping my great-niece happy, right?”

“I’m doing my best.”

Poppy leans forward, her lips close to Ava’s ear. “How’s your little beaver feeling, honey?” she asks on a whisper, but my ears don’t miss it. “I bet she’s real happy these days, huh?”

“Oh hell,” Ava mutters, choking on what I think is her own saliva and coughing into her hand.

“Your little beaver?” I ask and turn to smirk at her. “What’s your aunt Poppy talking about, Ace?”

Ava glares. “Oh, shut up. You know exactly what she’s talking about, which is exactly what we’re not going to talk about.”

“Then, what are we going to chat about, Ava?” Poppy questions.

“We’re not going to chat about anything with you, crazy lady.”

“And why is that?”

“Because Luke and I have a very important ice-skating date.”

I tilt my head to the side. “We do?”

Ava smirks and nods. “Check the itinerary, buddy. This afternoon is ice-skating.”

Guy Lucie’s goddamn Christmas itinerary.

I swear, it might be the death of me.

Whatever, dude. You’re loving every minute you get to spend with Ava.