Lock Step - Love Under Lockdown

“I’m going crazy. I have to leave,” I growled. “I can’t take this anymore!”

“Whoa-whoa-whoa, slow down. Talk to me,” offered Diamond.

“My stepmother is like, all over Phil and my dad, asking shit like, ‘What do you boys want to eat? Are you feeling okay? You should have some more fruit!’” I mocked. “She’s driving me crazy!”

“Because she’s helping her son and her husband?”

“Because she acts like they’re children instead of grown men. Plus, she doesn’t offer to help me!”

I knew I was whining but by that point I didn’t even care.

“Listen to me,” Diamond said. “Tracianne, you gotta get a hold of yourself. You are missing your own mother. That’s what your problem is. Take it from Dr. Diamond.”

“Why am I so angry?”

“I don’t know. You miss your mom and you’re frustrated. Whatever you do, don’t take it out on other people, okay? That’s not gonna help anything,” Diamond consoled. “I understand you’re cooped up, but you can get out. Hey, I’m seeing this guy tonight. You want to come? I’ll see if I can get you a date.”

“You’re ten hours away, in Jersey City!”

“So?”

“I’m not driving ten hours to go out on a— Wait a minute, you’re supposed to be at home! Quarantine, remember? Why are you going out?”

“Oh, fuck that noise. There’s this illegal bar I know,” Diamond said. “Just like an old-fashioned speakeasy from back in the day. It’s great. I think the Mafia runs it.”

“What? No. Diamond, don’t go there!”

“Relax. The mob doesn’t bother hot girls like us,” she assured. “All they do is buy us drinks and if you’re lucky, jewelry! Heh-heh!”

Oh, my God.

Why did I call Diamond of all people? She was nuts. She couldn’t possibly relate to all this.

“Diamond, I’m not coming to see you,” I said. “We’re in lockdown. You have to stay in. I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Are you crying?”

“Yes! You’re making me upset!”

“Okay, okay, I was half kidding. The Mafia doesn’t really run that place, I don’t think.”

“Don’t go out. Please!”

“All right, fine. I’ll stay in. Damn, Tracianne.”

“Thank you,” I said, catching my breath. “I feel better now.”

“I hope so. Because I don’t! What the fuck am I going to do now?”

“Just stay home!”

“It’s boring. Oh, wait. Maybe I can get him to sneak in through the window,” she surmised. “If he brings me a bottle of tequila, we could just chill here. Let me text him.”

“Okay, please don’t tell me anymore. You shouldn’t do that, but I guess that’s better than going to an illegal bar.”

“Trust me, this virus is nothing. Besides, I’m indestructible, didn’t you know that? Completely invincible.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of school with you,” I sighed. “You take all these wild chances.”

“You have to! While you’re young, girl. You can’t do this shit when you’re old! Live a little. Where are you right now?”

“I’m walking around the block. Trying to get some exercise. I didn’t want anyone to hear this phone call. I have you on speaker and you’re so loud, your voice is booming in the street.”

“What? Turn down the volume!”

“Oh, yeah, guess I could do that. No wait, then I can’t hear you clearly.”

“Well, now I’m embarrassed at what I said,” remarked Diamond. “You should tell a person when you put her on speaker.”

“Understood. That’s on me.”

“By the way, did you talk to Gillian today? You wanna talk about climbing the walls, that girl is up on the wall and across the ceiling!”

“No. I’ve just been so wound up. I feel like I’m in prison!” I complained.

“Traci, you have to get a hold of yourself,” she said. “It isn’t that bad. You got your dad, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And are your stepmother and your stepbrother really that bad? I mean, really?”

“No. I guess not.”

I couldn’t tell her how tempting it was to be around Phil and not want to see him naked again. To run my fingers down those ripped abs of his. To see what it would be like to kiss him…

No. Then I would be just as crazy as she was!

“Then why you complaining all the time? Damn. You know what happened to me. My own damned cousin and I was only 14 years old and he was like 22. If I can survive that, you can survive this.”

“I’m not strong like you.”

“You are, girl. You just don’t know it. Trust me. We all find strength within us in times of crisis.”

I suddenly felt at peace. It was something in Diamond’s words that had reached me. Maybe it was her inspirational story of triumph over adversity. Maybe it was just that she wasn’t afraid of anything.

If she could be brave at 14, I could be brave as a college student. I was a grown woman now. I had to make my own way.

“Thanks, Diamond. I really needed this talk,” I sighed. “Sorry if I sound all crazy.”