Lead (Stage Dive 3)

“There’s stuff exploding in this one.” I pointed to the latest Hollywood blockbuster. “And car chases.”

“You don’t want to see this?” He turned instead to this week’s go-to dating film. A couple were laughing as they stood in the rain. How clichéd, I only barely held in my groan. It even starred Liv Anders, the latest in slinky blonde Hollywood starlets.

Kill me now.

“I don’t know.” I hedged.

“Anne said she thought you might enjoy it.”

There was something in the way he said her name, something I chose to ignore for the time being. He had after all bought popcorn. This date had to go better, it just had to.

“I bet it all ends in tears,” I joked. “The heroine probably catches cold from standing in the rain and dies of pneumonia.”

He blinked. “Anne said it had a happy ending. She thought we might like it.”

Oh no, there it was again, the out and out reverence. Holy relics were spoken of with less awe than Reece speaking Anne’s name. The sinking feeling came stronger this time, it swamped me. Politeness dictated I not ask outright if he’d agreed to date me tonight to make another woman happy. Suspicions, however, were strong.

“Anne suggested it?” I asked.

Smile in place, he nodded so fiercely I feared his neck might snap from the strain.

“Anne’s really great.” I shoveled popcorn into my mouth, watching him instead of the posters. And there it was, all the drama my night could ever need. I hadn’t even had to buy a ticket to watch the wreckage of unrequited love played out in 3D. Not a single vehicle was hurt or chased in the making.

“Yeah, she sure is.” A dreamy faraway look came into his eyes. I sincerely hoped I didn’t look like that when I thought about Jimmy. How embarrassing.

“You think she’s happy with Mal?” he asked. “I mean, he seems to be treating her okay, right? They’re not about to break up or anything are they?”

There could be no missing the distinct note of hope in his voice. A chill seeped into my bones despite our being in doors. My heart cried loud ugly tears. What a mess. Tonight was a tragedy. When it came to love, a gypsy with a perverse sense of humor had cursed me at birth, of this I was certain. Because the only other thing all of these phenomenally bad dating choices had in common was me, and blaming myself did not appeal.

“I don’t think so,” I said gently. “They seem committed. In love.”

“Right.” His mouth turned down at the corners. Kicked puppies looked less downtrodden.

“You’re hung up on Anne.”

“Yeah.” His hands tightened around the bucket of popcorn. “How about you and Jimmy?”

“Ha. Yes. My affections are likewise unwanted and unreturned. Aren’t we a pair?” I stared unseeing at the hustle and bustle of the people flocking through the theater doors. So many people just going about their lives, experiencing similar heartache and despair. We weren’t unique in the least and yet the pain, it felt so damn big, like it consumed me. How perverse that it should be such a common, everyday occurrence.

Good god, love sucked.

“Why don’t we just be friends?” I suggested.

Reece sighed, shuffled his feet. “Friends … yeah. Still feel like going into see a movie with me?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“The violent one?”

I managed a smile. “Sold.”

# # #

Curtains swayed in the front window. Someone was snooping. For a man of reasonable intelligence, Jimmy Ferris hadn’t been acting particularly rational of late. Of course, my own actions where he was concerned were nothing to boast about.

Reece waited until I’d opened the front door to drive away and I stood in the cold, watching until his taillights disappeared from view. Date two over and done. Go team Lena. We’d had a nice enough night, but we wouldn’t be doing it again. Funnily enough, sharing tales of unrequited love and rebuffed offerings of one’s heart did not lift the spirits. Ignoring such things worked better, I think. If ever I’d been tempted to throw my no-alcohol rule to the wind, tonight was the night. But I hadn’t. I don’t know, it sort of seemed as if I was on this journey with Jimmy and neither of us could afford to fail. Silly but true. Alcoholism was not my burden to bear, and symbolically, I couldn’t lighten his load, I couldn’t do shit..

“You can come out.” I shut the door, put my coat and purse on the side-table. “I know you’re there … lurking.”

“It’s my house. I can lurk where I want.” He appeared out of the darkness that was the living room, black clothes blending into the shadows. “And don’t just dump your stuff there, take it up to your room.”

“Yes, sir.”

“How was your night?”

I smothered a yawn. “Okay. Yours?”

One shoulder rose and fell. “Watched some TV.”

“Mm.” I picked my belongings back up again. So ridiculous, only Jimmy would have furniture and not let people use it. Like a perfect appearance made more sense than actually utilizing something as per its designed purpose. The man was plain ludicrous. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“That’s it?”

With one foot on the step, I paused. “I arrived home in one piece thereby disproving the axe murderer theory and removing the need for you to replace me just yet. What else do you need from me?”

“Did you not have an okay time?”

“The movie was fun. Lots of explosions.”

“Get along with him all right?”

“Sure, he’s a nice guy. He’s in love with Anne though so not prime dating material.”

“Oh.” Face contemplative, he came up beside me, leaning on the railing. He hadn’t shaved today and the urge to run my fingers over the prickle of his stubble seemed insurmountable. My fingers dug deep into the leather of my purse, fighting for control. Everything about him called to me, the guarded but curious look in his eyes, his rarely seen softer side.

Maybe if his mom hadn’t messed him up when he was a kid he’d have been different, less world weary and damaged, more open. Or maybe if I was more super-model, less cute and cuddly. What would it take, how many changes would have to be made for him to see me differently? Because he stood less than two feet away from me but it felt like forever. My heart broke ever so slowly and I felt every piece of it shatter and fall.