I woke up hours later. The room was already dark, but not the pitch black that would mean it was night time. It was around six in the evening when I checked the time on my phone. My stomach rumbled when I realized I felt a little hungry.
Luckily, tomorrow was Saturday and I could be as lazy as I wanted to be. I didn’t want to go out, just in case I walked into someone I didn’t want to see right then, two people in particular, but I really was hungry. So, I used the bathroom and then went out to buy something I could take with me back to the dorms. When I got back, I ate quickly before getting right back into bed. It took longer to fall asleep this time, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I felt much better, and worse at the same time. I didn’t want to think about what had happened, so I did my best to forget it, and the hours passed.
It wasn’t until later when I’d had plenty of time to process things, and thinking of how I’d acted, that I felt ashamed.
What am I, a big baby?
Mom was right when she said I was acting selfishly. I’d expected her to move on eventually, so what if she didn’t tell me? She still had the right to live her life as she pleased. And, if the man she chose to marry just happened to be the dad of the boy I was seeing, then that wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t have known. If I had my way, she never would.
There was only one thing I didn’t think I could ever resolve. After this, I didn’t think there could be anything between Noah and me. Fucking my own stepbrother would just feel wrong, now that I knew.
My first priority had to be Mom. I’d left her upset yesterday. I had to make it up to her.
I picked up my phone to send her a quick message, and sighed unhappily when she sent one back nearly two minutes later that said something came up and she went back home. I bit my lip, guilt a weight almost too heavy to take. I’d walked out on her and hadn’t said anything for hours, so it was a stretch to expect her to wait around for me, but that wasn’t what bothered me the most. Mom had come down to surprise me, and instead of being happy, I made her feel so bad that she left without letting me know. I didn’t want to create distance between Mom and me. I might not know Greg, but I’d still want to see my mom no matter what.
The decision was a quick one to make. I got showered and changed and picked up my bag to leave. I thought about packing some clothes but realized there was no need. I was going to go home to talk to Mom, I still had stuff there to wear.
Home wasn’t too close to school. It was a few hours away by car, and after calling for a car to take me, I was on my way. I still had classes Monday, but I could return after spending one night at home. The first since I got into the school.
I was back home before lunchtime. I didn’t let her know I was on my way, so I was anxious as I rang the bell and waited for her to open the door for me. After what happened, I didn’t expect her to be happy to see me, but she would at least let me into the house. The door opened a moment later, and Mom was there with a polite smile at the ready, only for it to drop the moment she saw me.
“Sara,” she breathed out, eyes wide with her surprise.
I tried to smile, but I wasn’t sure how well it worked.
“Can I come inside?” I asked tentatively.
She blinked, and immediately moved to the side, to give me room to walk into my home. I waited for her to close the door behind us, then we both walked over to the living room. I didn’t like that it felt like I was a visitor in my own house. We sat awkwardly next to each other on the couch. Mom looked down as she played with her fingers in her lap, and I didn’t know where to start. It just wasn’t us, and I felt tears sting my eyes.
“Oh, Mom,” I whispered. “Of course, I’m happy for you. I’m really sorry about that day.”
She looked up and met my eyes, her own looking a little wet as she smiled.
“There’s no reason for you to say sorry,” she sighed. “I know it’s a big change, and I knew it would be a surprise to you. But I didn’t want to interrupt your studies, and… I was a little worried about how you would take it.”