“Would you like something to drink?” I offered and pulled away from the light touch on my cheek.
I thought the skin tingled a little and wanted to touch the place, but controlled myself. I could feel the heat of my blush and the way my heart pounded in my chest and tried to breathe through it. I was nervous and awkward, because not only was this going to be my first time, but it was going to be with a guy that I didn’t know. I knew of him, but I didn’t actually know him.
Noah was attractive. I was right about that much, at least. Tall, with blond hair, blue eyes, built lean and dressed to impress. He was also a senior and pretty popular, so while we weren’t in the same social circle, I had glanced at him a few times around campus in the short weeks I’d been there.
He was the last person I’d expected to show up on my doorstep.
“I don’t have any alcohol, but I’ve got bottled water and juice. None of them have the seal broken, so it’s safe,” I babbled, and felt my blush grow hotter. I felt like such an idiot. I looked around my room to distract myself.
There were a lot of good points to having my own room. Not having a roommate meant I didn’t have to worry about sending someone off for the night with a believable excuse. The room was filled with a lot of my stuff and had a small fridge where I kept drinks and some snacks. I crouched down and buried my face inside the cold, bright fridge so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
He chuckled behind me, and felt myself shiver.
Oh, wow.
Noah was exactly the kind of guy I would have had a crush on in high school and watched from afar. There was no way on Earth a guy like him would ever look at a girl like me. There wasn’t anything wrong with me. I knew I was pretty enough, and I was fairly social so that I could fit in to most settings, but he was older and far more important than a freshman like me.
“I don’t need anything,” he said. “And it’s not because I don’t think it’s safe. Why don’t we sit down, first?”
I looked at him over the top of the fridge door. He still smiled at me, a smile that said he was nice and gentle, like he’d promised he would be with me. Just the thought of the reason he was there was enough to make me think my face would remain permanently pink.
We were… going to have sex. I was going to give my virginity to Noah. He seemed nice enough, so most of the apprehension had died. While I didn’t think it was something to just throw away, I didn’t see much point in holding onto my virginity, either. Besides, if I didn’t take this chance, who knew when it would happen? I knew me, and I also knew that the longer it took, the more conscious I was going to be about it, and I’d probably end up graduating college the same way I did high school.
Get a grip, Sara. No backing out now, you’re already in this far.
Besides, I didn’t want to stop. I was just awkward because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I rarely had guy friends before, there were just guys I talked to in school, so this was really my first time being alone with a guy that wasn’t related to me.
“Sit down,” I repeated to myself. “I can do that.”
I closed the fridge door and rose up. Noah grabbed the chair at the desk and turned it around. There was only one bed in the room, the only reason I was able to stay alone in this room. There had been an extra bed, but it was moved to a different room when I arrived, or someone would have been put in here with me. Other four-person rooms only had two or three people still, and I wouldn’t have anyone assigned to my room until all the others were full, especially since they’d have to add another bed to this room.
He took the chair, and I sat on the bed. I’d made it up with new sheets. I’d chosen dark ones because I knew there might be a mess. I’d… even purchased condoms, just in case he didn’t have any. That had been completely mortifying, and I’d covered myself up with a scarf and kept my head down the entire time.
Now… it was finally going to happen.
We sat in silence for a while. I didn’t know what to say, but I couldn’t stop thinking, and then I could hear the sound of my breath as jt grew heavy and ragged with apprehension and a little excitement.