Deep (Stage Dive 4)

For a good five, ten minutes I sat in there, calming myself, coming to grips with the situation. Perhaps Ben and I shouldn’t talk for a while. We didn’t have to be friends to raise a child together, if indeed that’s what was going to happen. Him changing his mind on being involved would surprise approximately no one. Harsh but true.

Whatever. Come what may, I’d manage.

“Where’s Lizzy?” asked a muffled voice in the next room, male and abrupt. Jimmy Ferris. Why he’d be interested in me I had no idea.

“In the john,” said Ben. “What do you want with her?”

“Take it Mal and Anne are busy making up for lost time. Lena thought she might like to come hang with her.”

“We’re in the middle of something right now. I’ll ask her in a few.”

Jimmy snorted. “You’re having a nice chat, huh? That why you’re dripping wet and there’s an empty glass on the floor? Try again, Ben.”

“None of your fucking business.”

“You’re right about that. It’s not. But oh well…”

For a moment there was nothing, during which I strained to hear something, anything.

“Man, you are fucking shit up with her so damn bad,” said Jimmy, breaking the silence. “One way or another, this girl’s going to be in your life from now on. Way you’re playing it, won’t be in a good way.”

“What do you know about it?” growled Ben.

“What do I know about fucking up things with girls? You serious?”

No reply.

“How many times you talk to Lizzy in the last month?”

“We talk.”

“Not face-to-face or I’d have heard about it from Mal. Another fucking mess you’ve failed to fix.”

“I’m working on it,” said Ben, his voice full of anger. “I’ll smooth shit over with him.”

“Believe it when I see it.”

“Don’t lecture me on messing with the band. Where the fuck were you that last practice session before Seattle, huh?”

Jimmy scoffed. “Taking Lena to see her obstetrician. Do you even know what the hell one of them is?”

“Of course I fucking do.”

“Yeah? You taking Liz to her visits? Looking after her? ’Course not. Because if you were, every other member of this band would have a shitload more respect for you than they got right now.”

“We were heading on tour,” said Ben.

“Some things are more important, man. Take looking after the woman carrying your child, for example.”

“Jim—”

“How many times have you even called that girl since we’ve been on tour?”

“What the fuck? You a relationship counselor now?”

Jimmy laughed. “My woman isn’t throwing drinks in my face, so as far as you’re concerned, I might as well be.”

“She’s not my woman.”

“She’s the girl you put a baby in, asshole. And if she’s been going through half the shit Lena’s been dealing with, then you are just about the lowest cunt I’ve come across in a long time for making her do it alone.”

Guess Ben had no answer to that.

Have to admit, I felt bad for him. He loved these guys like brothers, and I’d been coping okay on my own, give or take. And yes, I did feel a little guilty for listening in on the conversation. Given that I was the topic, however …

“The baby’s got her moods bouncing all over the place. One minute she’s depressed as hell, worrying how we’ll deal with this, sure things are gonna go to shit and I’ll leave her. As if. Then the next, everything’s great and she’s excited again about becoming a mom.”

A pause.

“It’s hard on her, man, all the changes. And it’s scary as hell to be facing, I know.”

“Jim—”

“No. Just shut up and listen. I’m nearly finished.” Jimmy exhaled roughly. “None of us planned this. But you need to drop out of the running for dickhead of the year and get yourself sorted out before it’s too late.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to her.”

“Think, Ben. Just think. How the hell are you going to explain this to your kid in five or ten years’ time, hmm? That your baby momma doesn’t talk to you because you spent her entire pregnancy hiding behind a bottle and getting blown by groupies?”

My stomach contracted sharply. There we go. I knew he’d been with other women, of course. It still hurt, however.

“It’s not like that,” yelled Ben.

“It’s exactly like that. Give me a fucking break, dude. Just because I don’t come to your nightly soirees doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on here. Hell, anyone can see it.”

Silence again from Ben.

“I don’t know if you want her or not. But I’m telling you now, you’re gonna lose her, and you’re gonna lose your kid, and any shred of self-respect you might still have along with them. Your parents were useless, same as mine, so you know what it’s like. Get your shit together.”

The bedroom door opened, the noise from the party coming in clearer.

“Lizzy wants to hang with Lena, just bring her on over. She’s welcome any time.”

Ben didn’t reply.

Noise from the party dropped in volume once again as the bedroom door closed. Then there came the boom. Once, twice, three times. I stared at the bathroom door in surprise, with just a small dash of fear. It’d been damn loud.

Might be time for me to go.

“Liz, can I come in?”

“It’s not locked,” I told the door.

Ever so slowly the handle turned. Then Ben stuck his head in as if he was expecting more projectiles, liquid or otherwise, to be lobbed his way.

“It’s safe,” I said.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

He said no more, instead turning to the sink to wash off his face and neck. Guess I’d done a good job of juicing him, because he stripped off the Arizona T-shirt and tossed it aside. Next, he spent some time washing his hands.

Only then did he approach. “Mind if I join you?”

I shrugged. “It’s your bath.”

With a sigh, he climbed in and sat down opposite me at the other end of the tub. I tucked my legs up, ensuring he had plenty of room without us being required to touch. He stretched out his long legs on either side of mine, gaze glued to my face. What a sight we must have made, me fully dressed in the dry tub and him in his jeans and big black boots. Man, he had a nice chest. I did my best not to notice, but some things are beyond my control. A half-naked Ben was most definitely one of them. The fight with Jim, however, concerned me. As did the raw pink knuckles of his right hand. These guys obviously enjoyed hitting walls when they got testy. I could remember Mal once doing the same. Males. So violent.