All the while, I start to move over him. I grind down onto him, pressing my soft curves into his hard body. I find just the right angle, and it’s not long at all before I’m doing exactly what he’s asked of me.
This climax is not as intense as the first one, but it’s wonderful all the same. My eyes shut as I come, and I cry out his name. When I open my eyes, I look down to see Billy staring back at me with both caring and lust in his expression. I shiver a little at the sight of him.
When I recover, he leans up to kiss me and then eases me off of him. He’s been such a generous partner; I’m eager to give him his own release.
He repositions me once again so that I’m on all fours, head facing the wall. He gives my hip a squeeze and I wiggle with the anticipation of feeling him inside me again. He doesn’t tease me now; he wastes no time in pushing back into me, and the change of position makes it feel almost like a new experience.
He hits all new angles and new spots inside me, and oh my god, I almost feel like I could come again as he pushes into me. He’s so deep inside me, filling me completely. He moves in and out of me in slow, deep strokes.
“Billy?”
“Yeah?”
“I seem to remember you once asking if I prefer it rough,” I say, as I twist to look at him.
“Yeah?” Recognition lights up his face.
“Let’s have it rough,” I say, and I use my internal muscles to tighten around his cock inside me.
“Damn!” Billy says, with enthusiasm. “All you have to do is ask!”
He grabs onto my hips with both hands and quickly increases his pace. He drives into me once, twice, and then—
Crack!
He stops just as he’s pulling halfway out, and I realize what’s just happened. My bed has broken! The angle of the mattress has tilted, but not so much that it’s unworkable.
“Just keep going,” I say with a laugh. I knew this sex was good, but now I have proof. It’s mind-blowing, earth-shattering, bed-breaking, great sex!
Billy resumes his rough treatment, pounding into me relentlessly, and, to my relief, my bed holds up. He brings me to one more orgasm — three in one night! — before he finally changes his rhythm, holds tighter to me, and starts to erupt. He cries out as he pushes into me. He squeezes my hips in his strong hands and I hear his breathing catch. I feel his cock pulsing deep inside me and I hope he’s feeling every bit as good as he’s made me feel tonight.
Chapter 19
"You need to get back tonight, don't you? To be with Tommy?"
Billy props himself up on an elbow and sounds reluctant when he speaks. "Yeah, I do." He runs his warm palm along the curves of my body. I can feel his eyes on me. "When can I see you again?"
See me again? The fact that he's asking this, and asking this so soon after we have sex goes against my assumption that his goal was to have me as a conquest and then move on. I fumble words as I try to form a response, but he interrupts.
"I'd like to take you out on a proper date. We've kind of done things backwards and I'd like the chance to make it right. To treat you as a gentleman should."
"A date?" I say helplessly.
"Yes, Kate, a date." He trails the backs of his fingers across my bare stomach, gently tickling me.
"Billy, I just got out of a relationship. A bad one.”
He speaks again before I have a chance to protest too much. "I understand that, and I can be patient. You know I don’t mind taking things slow.” He pauses to run his tickling fingers down to my hips, reminding me of all the slow, delicious things he’s just done to me. My skin tingles under his touch.
He laughs quietly and looks adorable, and I suddenly realize I'm about to break his heart. From the look of him — giant, and gorgeous, and built like a god — I'd assumed Billy had women whenever he wanted them. I assumed he wanted me for sex, to even things out after I'd been a tease, and then I assumed he'd be moving on. But the way he's talking… He wants a relationship, and that's not something I ever considered to even be on the table.
I sit up, pull the sheet over my chest, and wrap my arms around me to hold it in place. "Billy, I'm sorry. Tonight was spectacular and amazing and unbelievable." I'm speaking the absolute truth, and I'm also hoping that if I stoke his ego first, the rest of my words won't hurt. "But how could we date each other?"
Billy sits up and looks at me with surprise.
"First of all, you're my stepbrother. We're as good as related. This really shouldn't have happened at all." I gesture down at the bed, referring to what we just shared. "But it did, and I'm glad it did, but it can't happen again. Our parents would be shocked if they knew we'd been together, and I don't want them to ever find out." I look at him, hoping to see that he's in agreement about the importance of secrecy, but his expression is moving from surprise to a closed-off look.
"Aside from the fact that we're related, we have nothing in common. We live far apart, in completely different worlds. We want different things out of life. You and I are all wrong for each other."
Billy stares at me flatly and then finally says, "I didn't realize you felt that way."
I reach for him, not wanting my words to come off as cold and uncaring, but he rolls away from me. I call out to him, but he's already grabbed his clothes and is closing the bathroom door behind him.
I find a robe for myself and wait for Billy in the living room. The bedroom is too charged with tension, and talking any further with him right next to the bed where we've just made love, would be adding insult to injury. I want to tell myself we "hooked up," but it was lovemaking. He was tender and attentive, and I really should have known better. Why can't I seem to do anything right with Billy? I don't typically make bad decisions, but that's all I seem to do where he's concerned.
He's back out in less than two minutes and heads directly for the door.
"Billy, wait—" I call.
He turns, and the look on his face might as well be a punch in my gut, for it has the same physical effect on me. "Why, Kate? So you can tell me more about how different we are? You've made it plenty clear that I'm not good enough for you. You don't need to detail it any further."
"That's not what I—" I start toward him, feeling sick at how he's interpreted my words.
"I gotta go." He's out the door, roughly pulling it closed behind him before I can say another word.
Chapter 20
Once again I find myself thinking about Billy more than I should. I do a lot of soul-searching, and most of the time, I don't like what I find. I know in my heart that I didn't mean to imply that I am somehow better than him, but the more I look inward, the more I realize that maybe some small part of me does feel superior. Maybe I think my job and goals are more meaningful than Billy's life in the country, and maybe those judgments, which I'd never even admitted to myself, somehow came out in my words and actions.
I place a lot of value on goals and achievement, but it makes me sick to think that I might have judged him this way. I remember my mom telling me about the hard choices Billy made after his mother died, and I feel like the worst person on earth for making him feel like he was anything less than anybody else.
I think a lot about contacting him, and I almost do several times. I don't even have his cell number, which seems crazy. I could contact my mom for it, or even just call George's house, but each time I start, I stop myself.
I've never done anything right as far as Billy's concerned, and I'm afraid that I'll just make things worse, if
that's even possible. I teased him once, then I finally slept with him and insulted him afterward. I'm honestly afraid of what I might do next. I mean no harm, but my intentions don't seem to matter.
I doubt Billy would even talk to me anyway. I definitely wouldn't, if I were him. I torture myself with a near constant cycle of these thoughts, and eventually I just hope that letting time pass will ease the situation. I know I'll have to see him again sometime. There'll be family get-togethers, holidays. I imagine him not speaking to me, and I hope I'll have some opportunity in the future to apologize to him.
As much as I regret how my words made him feel, I can't regret my decision in turning him down. I've always known that my parents were very different people, and their differences brought them down. It was devastating when my dad left us, and to be honest, it bothers me to this day. I vowed long ago to do all I could to find the perfect partner, someone who shares my interests and dreams. Of course I know that there are no guarantees in life, but I'm not willing to choose a life partner based on things like physical attraction and crazy hot sex, because desire does not necessarily last.
I try to process my regret and my pain and hope that I eventually come out of the experience a better person. And I hope that someday I can be a decent stepsister to Billy. In the meantime, I throw myself into my work and keep as busy as I can.
I hear from my mom every couple of weeks. Though they're back from Hawaii, she and George are clearly still in the honeymoon phase. She appears to be loving life, and it's great to hear. I resist the urge to ask her how Billy's doing.
I don't miss Clay at all. In the interest of being a better person, I very neatly box up the few possessions he'd had at my apartment, and I mail them to him, clean and free of mud. He tried to contact me only twice after the wedding, but to my relief, he did not persist.
About a month after the breakup, and my emotional night with Billy, I agree to go out on a date with a coworker from the financial department at the museum. We see each other twice, but then I decline a third invitation. I also have one date each with someone a friend sets me up with, and someone who I meet at a work event, but both nights feel forced. Something is off, and I decide that I just need more time.