Beast Brothers 2

“No, that’s okay,” I say. “We can go.”

I halfway expect Megan to push me to go see him, or to want to see him herself, if only to verify that there’s some kind of relationship between him and me. But to my surprise she agrees with me, and the three of us walk back to our dorms.

Chapter 21

Amber

It’s Monday and I’m not sure what concerns me most — that I’m about to show my face at the campus tutoring center again, or that I haven’t heard from Aidan since he said goodbye to me at his house last Wednesday.

I’d started to wonder if the eggs I cooked at his house were bad, and maybe I poisoned Aidan and his dad with the omelets. So I worked up the nerve to text him yesterday, just a quick, Hey, how are you? Are we still on for tutoring tomorrow?, and all he replied was, Yeah, see you there.

Other than that one exchange? Silence.

Was it stupid to think he might be in touch with me, after what we’d shared that afternoon? Maybe it was. No matter how nice he’s been to me, how sweet even, he’s never said anything about wanting anything but sex.

I’m pretty sure I would have gone all the way with him at his house if his dad hadn’t come home early. I want him more than ever now, but if we do have sex, how am I going to feel afterward?

Look at me — I’m upset because he hasn’t been in touch with me for a few days after a study session and some spectacular oral sex. How would I feel if I actually slept with him, and then never heard from him again?

I’d really like to blow this off today. And I would, damn it, if his tutoring skills weren’t as good as, well, all his other skills.

Except that’s a lie. I won’t miss a chance to see him, even just to study.

I find Aidan standing by the front desk inside the tutoring center, talking with another guy. They both look up as I approach, and Aidan smiles at me, but it’s just a normal smile. I don’t see any special meaning in it. I don’t see any signs that his heart jumps when he sees me, like mine just did when I spotted him.

He excuses himself from his conversation and leads me to a table in the main room, where we’ll be surrounded by people. I wonder if this is by choice, or if the individual study rooms are all taken.

“How was class last week?” he asks as soon as we’re seated.

I guess we’re getting right down to business. “It was okay. There was new stuff I’d like to go over with you.”

“All right, let’s have a look.”

He seems strangely subdued, and I want to say something to him, something meaningful, even if only to ask how he’s been, but instead I follow his lead and we dive into chemistry.

We cover the new material, Aidan clarifies the parts I’d been having trouble with, then we move on to practice balancing equations. I’m actually really starting to get the hang of it now. I work through several problems without making a mistake.

“You’re doing great, Amber. You’ve really improved.”

His praise is warm and genuine, but at the same time it seems like he’s not fully here with me. Part of him — the sexy, flirty, hot-as-sin part that I’m so familiar with — is missing. I feel like I’m just another student receiving help from a tutor, not someone he’s made come three times.

“Would you like to set up another extra session this week?” he asks, when the timer on his phone tells us our time is up. His voice is cool and detached. I want to search his face, to figure out what’s behind his changed behavior, but I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze for long.

“I think Mondays will be enough,” I say quickly, as I gather my things. “I’m getting it now.”

Aidan nods. “Okay.”

I don’t hear relief, or disappointment, or really anything at all in his voice. So I don’t wait around for things to get awkward. I simply say goodbye and head out while Aidan is still getting up from the table. He doesn’t call me back, or ask me to wait, and when I push through the doors, I force myself not to blink so that no tears can fall.

He didn’t touch me once during our session. Sure we were in the middle of an open room, but his knee didn’t even bump against mine. There were no sexy smirks, no devilish comments … nothing.

He said it wasn’t bad that I was a good girl, but obviously it is. He’s a player, that sensible side of my brain smugly reminds me. And in the days since I last saw him, he has no doubt been playing, and found someone — maybe more than one someone — he likes playing with better.

Chapter 22

Amber

The week goes by with no communication from Aidan. After the way he acted at our tutoring session, it’s not as if I expected to hear from him. But my heart still held out hope.

I see him a few times on campus, and the pull is as strong as ever, at least on my side. I want to run to him, throw my arms around him and just hold on. I want to feel his strong arms around me again and breathe in his Aidan scent. But of course I don’t. I can’t.

It’s not really a surprise that when I see him, there’s usually a girl with him, or a small group of them. At least they’re different girls every time. It’s ridiculous, but his lack of monogamy gives me some consolation.

On the occasions we make eye contact as I pass by him on campus, he just smiles and nods his head, a perfunctory greeting he’d give to anyone. It feels like a kick in the stomach.

I think back to everything that was said and done between us and wonder what happened to change his behavior. The only thing I keep circling back to is the good girl comment. Was it so clear that I’m inexperienced? Was he expecting more from me last week at his house?

He’s all wrong for you and you knew it from the start, I tell myself, as if I ever had a choice to resist him. I miss him more than I’d have thought possible.

On Saturday, I find myself being nudged awake. When I open my eyes I find the room bright with sun and Megan perched on the edge of my bed.

“Amber, are you okay?”

“Hmmm, yeah.” I roll over and squint up at her.

“It’s nearly noon.” Megan, who thinks the day starts at 11 a.m., knows I’m usually an early riser. “You’re not sick, are you?”

I’m shocked to find that I’ve slept so late, but then I remember my mood when I went to bed last night. Swirling, circling thoughts — that often revolved around me kicking myself for getting hung up on an unattainable heartbreaker — kept me up I don’t know how late.

“I’m fine,” I say, sitting up. “I guess I just needed to catch up on sleep.”

“Okay.” Megan gets up and heads toward the door. “I’ll be back later. Oh, a group of us are going to the movies tonight. Do you want to come?”

“I don’t think so. I have a lot to do.”

Megan leaves, and as she closes the door, a wave of sadness washes over me that makes me want to collapse back into bed and let it swallow me up. But I do have a lot to do, and wallowing in self-pity is not on my list.

I shower and grab lunch, eating because I know I need to, not because I have any sign of an appetite. Then I hit my homework, getting the easier stuff out of the way before moving on to chemistry.

My attitude toward the subject matter has been changing. It started with confusion and frustration, moved on to some tentative understanding, and now I am facing it with willful determination.

I will ace my final, because now it’s tied up with Aidan in my mind, and I at least want something good to come out of my relationship —

At that, I have to stop and laugh at myself. I can’t even say I’ve had a relationship with Aidan.

In any case, I plan to get an A, to show him and myself that I can do it. I pull out my notes and get to work.

Around six, I decide I need to stop. I’m making great progress, but I’m still hitting a few walls and finding gaps in my knowledge. I can feel frustration building up inside me, so I pull my hair back, put on my running shoes and head out to release the stress.

I try to run once a week, and tonight I chart an extra l

ong course, circling around campus, weaving through areas I don’t usually cover, and pushing hard, trying to wear myself out so I won’t be up half the night thinking dark thoughts.

I pass a lot of students heading out for the night, and when I finally get back to the dorm, the building is much quieter than usual. Megan’s come and gone, leaving a pile of discarded outfit choices on her bed. I get cleaned up, and intend to pick up where I left off studying, but when I flip open my notepad, the first thing I see is a list of formulas that Aidan had written down for me to memorize.