GRIND

I stared at the table for God knows how long, as if looking for a hidden answer as to what to do or say next. My eyes lasered in on my miracle concoction I always make to combat writer’s block. My miracle concoction— cacao bits dipped in maple syrup—I learned rather quickly this special magic, combined with coffee, did the trick when I faced stubborn brain fog. I reached for the chocolate and dipped it heavily and evenly.

I then stood up and began to pace, wording out loud the phrases and sentences I’d speak into my notes on the phone. That always did the trick and got the wheels running. This whole dark night, no electricity thing had been eerie after a while, but after finding enough candles in the pantry, the room looked pretty cozy. A little scary. But cozy. In a strange way I felt inspired by the old school way of writing. By pen. At night.

But then the waves stole my attention.

Lost in thought, I let out another sigh and stared out into the crazy wind and waves. I’d never seen a nor’ easter before; only heard about them. When it snowed, I wanted to stand out by the waves and watch the snow meet the sea. I’d never seen that before.

A sticky drip from the syrup taking its sweet time down my chest snapped me out of my daydream. I sucked my fingers quickly to avoid a mess on my papers. I tried to salvage the heavy nectar quick before it further made its way into my bra. Taking care of the remnants with my remaining fingers, I screamed in fright and dropped my flashlight.

“Oh fuck!”

It was him.

I bit my lower lip and lightly sighed.

There he was with his hands shoved in his sweat’s pockets. Stepbrother or no stepbrother, Bradley was a showstopper. I gulped as I reached down to pick up my flashlight and gather my scattered papers.

“You scared me…like a…like a ghost.”

“Maybe I am.” He said softly. “Hell, I have been all this time.”

Oh no, he didn’t. No, no, no, no, no. We were not going to talk about that. I needed my head in the game for this paper. Focused.

“Was I being too loud?” I got it out really fast. As soon as I said it, I felt incredibly insensitive. Someone slam my head with a cast iron; his freaking father just passed. Of course he wasn’t able to sleep.

And after all these years, this is the grand ice breaker? The hello, haven’t seen you in almost a decade, terribly sorry about your father? Not, good Kate.

“I mean, given the circumstances, I…um. I’m sorry. I’m not good at this type of thing. I’ve never really lost anyone.” I looked down at my feet, confused. I wanted to be mean, cold, quiet, but that wasn’t me. I didn’t know how to put on airs, that was why I had to leave in the first place.

Yeah, I’ve never lost someone to death, but I did lose a life.

I lost you and Claire practically. The only siblings I’d ever really had. And you’re the teenage crush I had to lose and toss aside.

“Except my parents’ marriage, which felt like a death, honestly.”

“Yeah, well, consider yourself lucky.”

He didn’t move from his pillar strength stance. And I just realized it all: he was an orphan now. No mother. No father. A rich, rich billionaire heir. And he was alone.

Well, he deserves it! my bitter heart shouted at me. I instantly felt guilty for such a thought.

No one deserved to be all alone. I slowly rose and stood feet away from him. The wind picked up and howled adding to the dramatic moment of it all.

“Are you—”

“They say it’s going to be like a hurricane.”

Alright? I wanted to finish.

“That really sucks. I…”

“Well, I’ll leave you. After all, you hate me.”

I couldn’t speak or call out after him because the truth is, I didn’t know how to handle any of this. I’d thought he was out asleep and was planning on speaking to him in the morning for the first time. And now I just made a mess saying stupid things, and now he’s gone again. I had no idea where he disappeared to in the grand Rainshaw house, especially since it was very dark.

But after ten numb minutes, I decided I needed to find him. How the hell was I to focus when that just happened?

I walked down the quiet hallways looking for him like a scared child. The grand hallways swallowing me, the fear growing due to being an overactive child where I always created monsters and creatures that lurked in the corners.

Finally, I smelled him before I saw him. The smell of cigars, a favorite past time of his and his father. Together.

I pushed the door open, the creak announcing my arrival. The man cave had gas lanterns and gave the ambience a vibe I wanted to join. Curiosity, wonder, and undeniable lust. The light of the flame lit his darkened profile, the smoke surrounding the glass. He had started a fire in the fireplace and it was a site I didn’t want to tarnish with words. Could we just face each other and not say anything?

He sat at a table with a glowing liquid on the rocks in his hand, the backdrop of the storm behind him. And then he looked at me.

“It wasn’t my fault, you know. I never was the one. My drunken-ass friend did it. You have to believe me.” The cigar made circles and dives from his hand accompanying his rapid confession.

I blinked back shock from the sudden, in-your-face matter of truth. I walked closer and stood feet away. It was the closest I’d been to him in nearly a decade. He was a man now. A very hot man. I crossed my arms and refused to let my teenager heart to come out. This was a matter that needed to finally be discussed. And it wasn’t a pretty one.

“Well, why should I? Why do I even matter anymore to you? We’re no longer family.”

“Look at me. Will you?” He stood up and the tension between us flirted along the lines of danger and insane temptation. I wanted to take a few steps back but the smell of the smoke laced with his cologne made me want to bury my head into his chest, to feel the softness of the robe and the touch of his hands.

“I’m not bullshitting with you right now. If there’s one thing my dad’s sudden passing taught me, it’s that you don’t know how long you have. You’re here right now in this room. You could leave and never speak to me again. But I want you to know one thing— you’re the girl I never could have. And that video of you…” He sucked in a breath and exhale the smoke.

“Don’t bring that up, okay?” Earth to Kate. I came to my senses and took a few small steps back. “I don’t want to go emotionally crazy right now. Do you know how much therapy I went through and how many problems that created for me?”

“Do you know how much therapy and problems that created for me? I was the one forever scared. After I saw your breasts and those sweet moans from you, with your legs spread eagle, teasing me….”

“I wasn’t teasing you.”

“Unbeknownst to you. Anyway, I felt like a freaking sicko. I was in love with my stepsister.”

“In love?”

“And then you went away to boarding school. I was kept from your sight by Father. You know, he did find out what happened and was mad as hell at me forever.”

“Oh my god, did—”

“He didn’t see a thing. I promise.” His voice softened and he slowed his delivery down. “But then you disappeared out of my life. I didn’t even get to tell you I was sorry in person.”

“And how did that feel? You actually felt something?”

Chapter 6

BRADLEY

* * *

It stung like a rubber band slapped in my face. The fact that people saw me, saw the man who was heir to the throne, so to speak, but they didn’t know my own wounds of watching my mother die at a young age. I had to keep it together. To be the man of the house. My father hated emotion, any sign of weakness. I was taught since I could remember to be unreadable like a man playing poker. But I had a deep heart. One that for awhile I numbed down. But now it was time to face the facts, to face the person I hurt so I could

finally be free to be me.

It would be a new era for the Rainshaws, one where I call the shots. One where I make amends to those I hurt. One where I make my voice heard and known. No more drowning my sorrows. The way she stood there with the light of the embers glowing against her skin, the glow of the light against her innocent eyes, I wanted to undress her and make her feel pleasure that would erase a thousand times over and over again any hurt or shame I brought into her life. I wanted to pin her arms above her head, and make her come over and over again before showering her with gifts, with luxury, to show her she was a woman to be adored. With any other woman, I knew just the right moves. The one or two champagne drinks, the gifts, the fancy trips in my private jet. But she’s different. Those things won’t work with her. They can’t work with her. I’d have to come to her with a different angle.

She had taken a seat now across from me and poured her own drink and took it like a man. She waited for an answer and I realized I was lost in thought and didn’t know where to take this conversation.

“Fuck it.”

“Look, I’m sorry, Bradley. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings like that. It wasn’t nice of me.”

Seeing her nipples harden in that thin shirt made my junior swell and throb. I was going to have to relieve myself, the pressure was too intense. I would ravage her. So, I had to do what I did best: leave under false pretense. I cleared my throat, played up the best puppy dog face I could. After all, I had just buried my father.

The air was silent as I dropped a few cubes into my glass. She could have burned a hole in my head. Every part of my being wanted to lay my pride down and stay in the room. But I had to stay the course. This was the only way with her.

Pouring my scotch, I stared at the fierce waves from the storm. We would be stuck for at least the next three days from the damage and closed roads. One thing was for certain: I had time to defrost her iced-over heart.