The Bookworm's Guide to Dating (The Bookworm's Guide 1)
“You. You’re the matter.”
“Words no guy ever wants to hear from an angry woman,” he muttered. “What did I do?”
“Everything!”
“Well, I’m sorry?”
“Damn it, Josh!” I stepped forward and shoved his chest. “What’s your problem? Did I do something? Did I not do something? What could I have done to make you make this all so hard for me?”
Unfazed by my uncharacteristic show of aggression, he merely steadied himself and blinked at me. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. Me dating. You offered to find me dates, but you’re happy one failed and then when one goes well you’re pissed off about it. The literal opposite of what you’re supposed to be feeling. What’s your damn problem?”
His eyes darkened, and he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“To who? It matters to me, because you’re driving me insane. You don’t like the revealing dress,” I said, ticking it off on my fingers. “You were happy when I didn’t wear it. You were glad that date went badly. You were happy when I said I didn’t like Elliott. You were super pissed when I went out with him, and you were just super pissed when he texted asking for another date. So I’ll ask you one more time, what’s your damn problem?”
He said nothing. He cricked his neck, looking away from me, and swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed violently.
“Because Saylor thinks you have feelings for me. She’s adamant you do, but that can’t be possible, can it? Because I’m your best friend’s kid sister and that’s it. Nothing more.”
“Stop trying to bait me into fighting with you, Kinsley. It’s not going to work.” His jaw ticked to the contrary.
“No, I want you to fight with me. Go on. Answer me. If she’s wrong, it’s not an issue, is it?”
He said nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Oh, my God.
My heart jumped into my throat and lodged itself there until I thought I would choke on it.
No. He wasn’t getting out of this.
“Tell me she’s fucking wrong, Josh!”
“I can’t!” The words burst from him in a yell, and he stared at me like I’d just sucker-punched him in the gut. “I can’t tell you she’s fucking wrong, Kinsley, because she’s fucking not.”CHAPTER FOURTEEN – KINSLEYrule fourteen: life has cliffhangers, too.I swallowed. My mouth resembled a desert, and I wasn’t sure any amount of water would stop this feeling. “What?”
Josh ran his hand through his hair and puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled. “She’s not wrong.”
“But that—that—”
“That means I have feelings for you,” he said with a hard edge to his voice. “There. Are you happy now? You know the truth.”
I said nothing.
“No? I didn’t think so. There’s a reason I’ve never told you, and it’s because you’re Colton’s sister, not because that’s how I see you. I would have lived the rest of my life never telling you because he’s my best friend and I’d be pissed if it was the other way around, but you just keep pushing and pushing and—”
“My brother has no say over the choices I make! After all this, don’t you think I have a right to know if that’s how you feel about me?”
“No. Because this would happen. Because it changes everything and we both know that nothing can ever happen.”
“Why? Because Colton says so?”
“No, because I respect you far too much to ever put you in a position where you could get hurt.”
“Sounds like you don’t want to get punched by my brother.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I’ve seen his right hook. I can’t say I’m interested in feeling it for myself.”
“Don’t make this a joke, Josh.”
He threw his arms out. “What do you want me to do, Kins? I thought setting you up would mean you’d find a guy you could go out with and be happy with and that would be the kick I needed to accept it would never happen.”
“So why don’t you let me?”
“Because I’m a fucking dumbass idiot who didn’t think through the consequences of seeing you date other men.”
I looked at him for a long moment. Realization set in with a heavy cloud, and the lump in my throat was almost unbearable. “Because the guy I’d be dating isn’t you.”
His nostrils flared, and he stared at the books the right of us. “Two guys. Two guys, and I’m done. I can’t do it anymore, all right? I can’t set you up on anymore dates.”
What if I don’t want anymore?
The question lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite spit it out.
“I can’t see you go out with these guys, Kins. I can’t. And—I can’t do this either.” He threw his hands up in surrender and walked past me.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
He stilled. “I told you—”
“No, you gave me some bullshit. Tell me the truth.”
He turned back to me. “Because if I told you, I’d have to tell Colton, and telling him that I have feelings for his sister is the biggest betrayal I could dish out to him. And I won’t do that. I won’t betray him like that.”