Off the Record (Off 3)

Another lame comment, and maybe I'm subconsciously stalling. What I really want to do is throw myself in his arms and have him tell me he still loves me. But that's not going to happen. That only happens in romance novels.

"Ever...seriously, what are you doing here?" He sounds tired and if I was a betting woman, I'd bet he probably wants me to leave him alone by the tone of his voice.

Okay. It's time for me to go all in.

"Nix told me that he sent you the article I wrote. I was kind of expecting to hear from you after you read it."

Linc rakes his hand through his hair, the sure sign of nervousness that I know so well. He looks up at me, eyes somber. "I didn't read it. I deleted it without reading it."

Oh. Now that hurts. I almost turn around and walk out his front door. This man is done with me and it was foolish for me to even try to win him back. But the truth is, I came here ready to do some serious groveling and I can't let those words knock me off course.

I decide to try a different tact.

"I went to see my father."

Now there's a positive reaction. Linc almost looks like he is getting ready to smile. I mean, it never reaches his face, but I think there was a moment that it looked like he might. I take that as encouragement, no matter how slight it may be.

"We had a good talk. And you were right. He didn't try to justify his actions to me. In fact, he told me there was no justification. He just wanted to let me know that it was all of his fault. That there was nothing I did wrong. That he was just weak. Then he apologized to me."

I was hoping this would stir Linc into some conversation, but he just stares at me, so I press forward. "He spent some time telling me that love has to do with the power of forgiveness. It made a lot of sense to me...I guess because I actually decided for once to look past my own hurt."

"Then what happened?" Finally...some interest from Linc.

"I forgave him...with no hesitation."

Linc sits down on the couch and motions me to do the same thing. "That's quite the turnaround. I didn't think you would ever do that."

I grip my hands in my lap and look down at them. "I wouldn't have. Had I not lost you."

I glance at him and he looks shocked. "What do you mean?"

Taking a deep breath, I try to relax my hands. I smooth them over my knees, terrified beyond belief that Linc will not listen to me. "I really wish you'd read my article." I reach into my handbag and pull out a copy, handing it to him.

He doesn't take it. "I'm not sure it will make any difference, Ever. I've spent a lot of time trying to move past you."

My eyes are pleading when I say, "But what if it does? What if it can make a difference?"

He just stares and me and doesn't reach for the paper in my hand. I start to panic, because it's clear that Linc is not going to be swayed.

"Fine," I say. "I'll read it out loud. And if you want to interrupt me and throw me out, go for it. But you'll have to drag me out."

He gives no reaction, but he doesn't throw me out.

I read the title out loud first. "How Linc Caldwell Made The Biggest Save Of All".

Glancing at him, I can't tell if he's even listening to me or not. He's leaning back on the couch and is resting his head against the cushion. His eyes are closed.

I push forward.

"I am a complete idiot. Let me first just say that. Most of you have vilified me for writing an article about Linc Caldwell several weeks ago, proclaiming him to be a 'love 'em and leave 'em' kind of guy.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

Let me tell you the absolute truth about Linc Caldwell.

He is a tremendous athlete. He dedicates his entire life to doing the best that he can for New York. He is conscientious, driven and loyal to his team.

Linc Caldwell is a family man. He loves his father and his brother beyond reasoning. He loves children, both the sick and the healthy.

A man that knows his own mind, Linc is not afraid of his feelings. He swims in emotion, and a mere look can make you feel what is in his heart.

Yes, I learned a lot about Linc Caldwell over the last month and a half. But I learned more about myself. You see, I learned that I am a weak woman. I am selfish, unforgiving and judgmental. I am the type of woman that is so wrapped up in her own self-pity, that I couldn't see the very best life had to offer standing right in front of me.

I used Linc. I let him provide me friendship and comfort. The mere touch of his hand on mine made all of my dark demons roll over and die. His understanding of my weaknesses was beyond generous.

Linc Caldwell taught me more about myself in just six weeks, than I had learned over a lifetime of mistakes and recriminations.

So how did he make the biggest save of all?

He taught me that some things in life are worth risking pain to experience. He taught me that I am worth loving. He gave me back my own self-worth. I would not be worth a dime store loaf of stale bread if it wasn't for Linc Caldwell and his teachings.

He is the one for me.

How do I know?

Because he made me cry. That's right...he caused me to break down into a gelatinous pile of tears and snot. And that's not a terrible thing. You see...I had not been able to shed a tear out of my desert eyes since I was sixteen years old. Even though I had been given plenty in life to cry about. He made me feel, and it is beyond wonderful.

The mere fact that Linc had the power to make me cry brought a startling revelation to myself. Yes, he's the one.

Linc Caldwell believes in the power of love. And now, so do I. My only regret is that I hope my actions have not caused Linc to become the jaded soul that I once was. I hope he understands that he is beyond magnificent and he should never change his ways.

I hope he will forgive me for the pain I caused him. But actually, I know he will. Because the power of forgiveness is not something that Linc Caldwell needs to be taught. He is the one that taught it to me.

If by some chance I have hurt him beyond repair, and he will not give me the forgiveness I so desperately need, I want him to know that I will continue to lead my life by the lessons he taught me. He needs to know that he helped me to fix myself, and I will never fail to live up to the new expectations he has helped me to desire.

There is really no way to end this article, except to tell Linc that I love him. I love him more than is humanly possible to love another creature. He asked me to follow him once, and I said no. I just want him to know that I am ready. That I will follow him to the ends of the earth if he will have me.

Linc, if you give me the chance, I will spend every day of my life making sure you understand how much I love you."

As I finish, I realize that tears are streaming down my face. It's hard to believe just a few short weeks ago, I would have never let them fall. It's cathartic, and no matter what Linc does from this moment

forward, I vow that I will never hold them back again.

Linc doesn't move. His eyes stay closed, and his face looks...pained. I wait, and I wait. Nothing.

My heart plummets and my stomach rolls over. I have failed and Linc is not willing to give me a second chance. I deserve it, I know. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I stand on shaky legs and pick up my purse. Walking to the door, I feel my heart breaking with every move. Cracking and tearing open, shredded beyond repair. Just as I reach out for the doorknob, I feel his hand on my shoulder.

It's warm and soft. Then he slightly grips it, turning me around. I keep my eyes on the floor because I'm afraid of what I may see. Is it a goodbye? Will it be the forgiveness I need in his eyes? Could my hope beyond hope of love be reflected?

His hands come to my face and gently cradle me. He uses his thumbs to wipe the moisture that is still raining.

"Look at me, Ever," he softly commands.

I drag my eyes up and I almost reel backward from the blazing emotion that is hitting me. It's almost too powerful for me to understand. My heart is thumping madly in my chest.

Linc leans in and softly kisses my lips, tasting the salt of my tears. I can't help the grateful sigh that seeps out. The kiss deepens and I feel like I've come home.

Pulling away is hell, but I need him to hear it from my lips. "I love you so much, Linc. I am destroyed without you."

He smiles at me and it's gentle. "I know, baby. I got the message."

"Please say you forgive me. I need you to forgive me." A sob comes out and I could slap myself, because I don't want to give into my extreme angst right now. I want to relish every bit of this conversation.

He pulls me into his chest and just hugs me, smoothing his fingertips over my back. His lips touch the top of my head, and he says, "There's nothing to forgive. My girl loves me, and I love her. That's all we need."

Relief rushes through me and I squeeze him tightly. My words are muffled in his chest and I hope he understands when I tell him, "I'm so sorry. So sorry for hurting you. I will never hurt you again. Please believe me."

Linc draws away. "Shh. Enough of regrets. We're moving forward, okay?"

"Yes...forward. Thank you so much for giving me a chance."

Linc takes one of my hands and kisses it gently. "Ever...you are a very brave woman. I know you have very sound reasons for rejecting love. I know how scary it is for you. I'm just amazed at your spirit, and your determination. You...humble me actually."