Off Season (Off 5.5)

"Why is that crazy?" Ever asks as she layers diced cucumber on top of the salad.

"Because we hardly know each other. This is only the second time we've even seen each other. You don't give up your career for someone you just met."

"But you didn't just meet," Ever points out as she brandishes her knife at me. "You've known each other for months, have talked continuously from the way I understand it. Hell, the two of you practically finish each other's sentences, so don't give me shit about hardly knowing each other. Sounds to me like you're just afraid of the commitment."

"No," I deny immediately. "I'm not afraid of committing to Zane. I'd kill to be able to have something more permanent with him, but I can't allow that to happen at the expense of his career. It's too important."

"Then maybe you need to think about moving here," Ever quips. "That would be another solution."

I stare at her skeptically, because she makes it sound so easy. True... I don't have the type of career Zane does. Hell, I don't have a career at all, just a general idea of what I think I want to do with my life.

But I am immersed in a studies program that is important to me. It's what I have to complete in order to move on to that next stage of my life, where I can build a career for myself. I can't give that up the way Zane can't give up hockey.

Which brings us back to the start.

I'm looking at having a long-distance relationship with the man of my dreams, and it just really sucks.

Chapter 12

Zane

Living out of hotels while playing on the road sucks. I drop my duffle on the floor and immediately start disrobing, eager to try to grab a few hours of sleep before the team's plane leaves in the morning. Tonight's game against the Blackhawks also sucked, and we went down bad... 6-2.

I managed to score a goal and get an assist, but it was just one of those nights that, as a team, we couldn't bring it all together.

My clothes lay scattered on the floor. Clad only in my boxer briefs, I pull the covers back on the bed and grab my laptop from the nightstand. I want to check to see if Cady emailed before I go to sleep, which I know is sure to put a smile on my face.

She couldn't watch the game live because while our evening games are in progress, Cady is always tucked in bed sound asleep due to the time difference. She's really only able to watch when we play afternoon games, and those don't happen nearly as often as she would like.

Or so she's complained on more than one occasion, but I told her she has to take it up with the NHL.

After firing up my machine, I'm not surprised, yet still always pleased, to see Cady's email sitting at the top of my inbox. Her subject line says, "Guess What?"

I open it up, knowing that the first line of her message will rhyme with the subject line. It's something she started doing about a week ago. It's silly, stupid, and one of the many reasons why I adore her.

To: Zane Kavanaugh

From: Cady Dunne

Subject: Guess What?

Date: December 13, 2014

Chicken butt!

LOL!

Okay, so this won't be long because I'm exhausted. I did get that paper finished, so all is good in my world. School is officially over for me until next module, and I'm glad for the break. And before you ask, yes, I made sure to make my displeasure known to my partner. I kind of actually laid into him for not having his portion done on time, but he really didn't care. I bet he'll drop out of the program next semester. Oh, well.

So, seriously... guess what?

My mam and da have decided to go to New Jersey to spend Christmas with Aunt Nora and Uncle Nick, and of course, they invited me along. Renner and Cillian are going too. So I was wondering... you know... since we'll be on the same continent, any chance you can get out to the East Coast so we can see each other? I know your schedule is tight. At least it looks that way to me, but I thought I'd ask. It would suck to be this close yet not be able to see each other. We'll be flying in on the 23rd and leaving on the 27th.

I'm off to bed now. Sweet dreams, you sweet man.

I miss you.

Oh, and I adore you too in case you didn't know that.

Love,

Cady

My eyes stayed glued on her signature.

Love, Cady?

That's new and makes a bubble of warmth unfurl from the center of my chest. While we've both said all sorts of endearments to each other, the "L" word has never been mentioned.

Not that I don't want to mention it, but after her visit at Thanksgiving, I'm really not quite sure where I stand with her. Cady said something to me that sort of set me back on my heels a bit, and it has been making me question everything about our relationship.

Cady had pointed out that I knew her for all of five minutes. That was metaphorical, of course, but her point was well made. We knew each other for four months at that point, or roughly one-hundred and twenty-two days. Out of that one-hundred and twenty-two days, we'd spent less than five days of it together. So, logically, how can you have deep feelings for someone that you've spent five days with?

That's Cady's reasoning, for sure.

My reasoning is a bit different. I don't see it as five days together but rather hours and hours and hours of conversation with each other. We've probably exchanged hundreds of emails, texts, and phone calls. We've had long talks late into the night, amazing phone sex, and flirty texts. She's talked me through rotten moods after I lose a game, and I've talked her down off a ledge when she wanted to nut punch one of her classmates because he wasn't doing the work on a group project. We've been there to support each other over and over again, and that right there tells me all I need to know.

When I have a problem, Cady is the first person I think of to help me solve it.

When something good happens to me, I want Cady to be the first to know about it.

When I see something funny, I ache with bitter disappointment that Cady isn't here to share it with me, because it's never quite as funny when I tell her about it as when it actually happened.

It's Cady, Cady, Cady for me, and that's all I logically need to know about this relationship.

But, I'm not sure Cady feels the same way. She was really upset at Thanksgiving when she overheard Linc and me talking. It's not like I was seriously considering doing it right then. It was just an idea... something to ponder if Cady and I continue to grow closer. I know that this relationship cannot survive the long haul without us being physically together. My gut has screamed at me loud and clear... she's the one. So it's no wonder that my brain is constantly trying to come up with a solution that lets us be together. I figured maybe I could go live over with her for her last year of college, and then she could move here. If I was lucky, and everything worked out for me, I could come back into the NHL.

Okay, so I know that's a long shot, because the players are too highly skilled in the NHL, and if I give up my spot, it's unlikely I'd get it back. But like I said... I was just pondering different ideas.

Cady nixed that idea really fast though. When we got back to my house that last night, we talked about it. Rather, Cady talked about it. She just reiterated that she could never let me do that, and it seriously was a deal breaker for her. She said she just couldn't be responsible for killing my hockey career.

And I got it. I understood. It even made sense, and she was probably the saner of the two of us at that moment.

And so, life went on for us.

Cady went back to Ireland, and I stayed here to play hockey.

We talked every day, even if only for a few minutes to say goodnight or good morning. We sent quick texts to each other, and when we had time, wrote lengthier emails. It's amazing, but when you don't have a physical proximity to someone you care for, you compensate in other ways, and for us, that meant striving to deepen our connection in whatever way we could.

And yeah... I talked Cady into routinely getting on Skype with me, where we watched each other get off. It wasn't as fulfilling as being wit

h her in person, but I would take whatever intimacy I could get at this point.

Yawning, I type a quick reply to Cady.

To: Cady Dunne

From: Zane Kavanaugh

Subject: Re: Guess What?

Date: December 13, 2014

Chicken butt? Seriously, that's your rhyme? Lame, lassie. Just lame.

I hate it but looking at my schedule, there is absolutely no way I'm going to be able to make a trip to the East Coast at Christmas. We have a home game on the 24th and then I fly out to L.A. on the 26th. I don't think Christmas is in the cards for us... but have you given any more thought to flying out here maybe around March like we discussed (letting me pay for it, of course--no arguments)? That's only three months away. We can handle that, right?

Hate that this is so short, baby, but I'm exhausted. We played like shit tonight, so you didn't miss much. Talk tomorrow like we planned.

Love,

Zane

Yup... I decided to match her "L" word for "L" word in the signature. We may not have declared our love for each other, but I was pretty sure it was there. I mean, I know damn well that I love her. It's something that didn't become clear all at once, but rather as every day passes and Cady becomes more a part of my life, the burning desire and care for her just grows exponentially. It's just more of a deep understanding within me that I love this girl and even though every day without her is painful, I know that deep down, we are going to figure a way to make this work.

I just haven't figured out the details yet.

Chapter 13