Domination (Explicitly Yours 2)

“I think everyone handles it differently. Your way of dealing was to take on all the responsibility. My mom was like that too, saddling the load on her back. Being poor was tough, but it made me stronger. I didn’t let it rule my life.”

“I bet you, Lola, were already strong to begin with.”

“I was by myself a lot.” She glanced over at him. Maybe it was the vodka, though she doubted it, but she was okay going places with him she hadn’t been in a while. It was their space, like he’d said. “My mom wouldn’t even take my birthdays off. Her reasoning was I’d only get a present if she had a job and she wouldn’t have a job if she gave away shifts. When I said presents didn’t matter, she asked me how I felt about food. For weeks I ate one meal a day because I was worried we’d run out.”

Beau looked at the steering wheel. His hands balled and flexed against his thighs. “I wish you hadn’t told me that. Things weren’t that bad for us.”

“They weren’t for us either.” They truly hadn’t been, but she also had the urge to comfort him. “Looking back, it was never as dire as she made it seem. She hustled for her tips, and she never spent a dime on anything frivolous. The manager worshipped her, so she was never in jeopardy of losing her job. Our situation and our relationship fluctuated, but the one thing that stayed the same was that she thought there was never enough money. I couldn’t do anything because there was no money. My father left because we—meaning I—cost him

too much money.”

“Is that true?” Beau asked.

“It’s what she told me.”

“He didn’t explain to you why he left?”

“He went on a work trip and never came back. I don’t think he was planning it because he left a lot of his stuff. I was too young to remember much anyway.”

“Haven’t seen him since?”

“No. So, like I said, alone a lot. Except at school. I didn’t participate in a lot of stuff, but I had friends whether I wanted them or not. Then when I got home, it was silent. Nobody around. Except for Barbie fucker across the street.”

“I’m not sure I like you hanging around with that girl.”

Lola shook her head, smiling. “She was all right. Sometimes I wished I’d had a brother or sister, though. At least you had that.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you’d had Brigitte.”

“Why not?”

“She was only fifteen when she moved here and had just lost her only family. She was so insecure about not belonging to anyone. She called me her brother from day one, and my mom ‘Mom.’ Unless she was angry, and then it was Pam. Looking back, it was something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. She didn’t believe she deserved our love on top of our hospitality, and my mom already thought she was doing Brigitte this enormous favor by taking her in when we didn’t have much to spare.”

“No wonder she’s a handful,” Lola said.

He rested his head against the seat and looked up. “She was even before the accident. I didn’t have to know her long to get that. Everything is extreme for Brigitte. Life. Love. Hate. She doesn’t know who she is without that, and she thrives on the attention it gets her.”

Lola frowned. “You’re very close, aren’t you?”

“She only has me. That’s all she wants, though. Sometimes I give her projects at the office, and she usually does fine. I could never hire her fulltime, though—she’s too volatile. I’m afraid others won’t either. That’s part of why I continue to help her. It’s not a financial burden for me to take care of her when she has no one else. And after what my mom did, she has trust issues on top of that.”

Lola peered at him in the dark. It was becoming clear that Beau had one sure way of showing he cared—his money. Earlier he’d said he’d given up years of his life to work, hoping one day he could provide for his family. The price didn’t seem worth it, but she didn’t think he felt the same.

“Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy,” Lola said. “For either of you.”

“It’s exhausting sometimes. She knows it is.”

“Is she why you took me to a hotel rather than your house?”

He was silent a moment. “I’ve tried to get her a place of her own, but she cries and begs me not to. She says she’d rather one of us leave the house when she gets to be too much. As long as I don’t go far. She gets more put out than I do, so I go through periods where I stay at the hotel.”

Lola was instantly alarmed. If she hadn’t known better, she would’ve thought Beau was describing a possessive girlfriend. “That’s why you have the room? Jesus.”

“I know. She just has two levels—low or high.”

“Tonight was high?”

“Yes. She sniffed you out like a dog. Put her in a crowd, especially where men are involved, and she shines. One-on-one is more difficult. In case it’s not obvious, she gets jealous of my attention.”

Lola looked up at the stars. “I can understand that.”

“Can you? You don’t seem like the jealous type.”

When Beau’s attention was on her, Lola wasn’t just the only girl in the room—she was the only girl in the world. It was intense—unnerving—but in an addictive way. She was warm when his eyes were on her, cold when they weren’t. She shuddered.

He glanced at her. “Would you be jealous of my attention?”

Beau could most likely make any girl feel that way if he wanted. She squinted at nothing. “That would require thinking past tonight, and I don’t want to.”

“I’ll be out there with other women, Lola. You’ll be with Johnny. Everything will be normal again.”

Things would never be normal again. Even if Johnny thought they were, or if she faked it until things were as close to normal as they’d get—no, they’d never truly be normal again. The question was whether Lola could live with that. “I don’t know,” she said. “All this has given me a lot to think about.”

“Will I be there in those thoughts?”

He already was. She blinked a few times. “How could you not be? You started all of this.”

“So what’re you saying, Lola? You’re going to go home and still be thinking about me?”

“Johnny and I…we’re supposed to get through this on our love alone. On nine years’ history. I think I knew we might not, but I called you anyway. When your limo pulled up tonight, it was as if Johnny and I had made some fatal mistake.” She paused. “But I still went through with it.”

Beau cleared his throat.

Lola noticed a symphony of crickets she hadn’t before. She looked at him. “I mean, don’t get the wrong idea,” she said, flustered by his silence. This from the man who’d been so vocal, she’d wondered if he was considering going to battle with Johnny over her. “I’m not suggesting I leave him for you. It’s just, the fact that Johnny and I even went through with this means something. Somebody owes somebody an explanation, I just don’t know which one of us is at fault.”

“I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault,” Beau said. “Not even mine.”