Obsession (Explicitly Yours 4)

“You there, Lola? I thought you were a telemarketer.”

Lola nodded, looking down at her lap. It was comfortingly familiar, that gravelly voice built for hollering out breakfast orders. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Been worried about you, though.”

Lola raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Tried to reach you, but that girl at the bar, Veronica, she told me nobody’s seen you. Said Johnny didn’t phone because he’s scared of me. Hasn’t returned my call.”

“That’s because we—did she mention—?”

“You and Johnny are done, yeah. Wouldn’t say why, though, not her business.”

“Okay. Well, that’s not why I’m calling.”

“But you know how I feel about Johnny. I been trying to figure out what could’ve gone wrong. I spoke to him a few months ago, and everything seemed fine.”

“It’s a long story. We both got sort of…off track.”

“Off track? Both of you? Him too?”

“He’s not the angel you think he is, Mom.”

She grunted. “Maybe not. What about you, though? You getting off track got something to do with the man who came by the diner?”

Her ear tingled, as if Dina’s words had physically tickled her. Even though Lola’d gone through so much to get away from him, she hoped that man was Beau. And not because going as far as to track down Dina definitely meant he was unraveling. “Who?”

“Come to think of it, I don’t think I got his name.” She made a noise like she was thinking, coming up short with ways to describe him. “He was wearing a suit.”

“When? What did he say?”

“Almost a week ago. He was looking for you.”

Lola only realized her hand was flattened on her chest when she felt her heart beating against her palm. “Did you tell him anything?”

Dina laughed in one loud bark. “What would I say? I know less than anyone. He’d have had better luck with Johnny and them.”

Lola’s blood froze. Johnny and them. She hadn’t thought, in very much detail at least, of Beau going down to Hey Joe and turning the place upside down looking for her. “Have you heard from anyone since?”

“Just when I talked to Veronica. Already told you my whole conversation with her. What’s all this about, Lola?”

“Johnny and I—yes, that man has a lot to do with it,” Lola said carefully. “He’s why I left.”

“Where are you?”

“Texas.”

“Well, shit, Lola. I know we don’t speak, but I’d like to know when you’re leaving the damn state. You been gone this whole time?”

“About two weeks.” She smiled a little. “I’m seeing so many things, and I’ve barely scratched the surface. This country is…big.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Always with Dina, what she didn’t say was louder than what she did. She’d never had the chance to see the country. Too much of her time and money had gone to raising Lola. “Do you ever think about retiring from the diner?”

“Nah. I never had that itch to go anywhere.” Dina cleared her throat. “I know you did, though. Before you met Johnny, I didn’t think you could stay in one spot for so long.”

“I’m coming home, though. I want to.”

“Vacation’s got to end at some point, right? Couldn’t’ve saved up much bartending. Where you going to live?”

“I don’t know yet. But…there’s more. The real reason I’m calling—” Lola’s stomach churned, her nerves suddenly popping like firecrackers. Lola hadn’t been a happy surprise for Dina. This baby couldn’t be worse timing for Lola, and she wasn’t sure she wanted a child right now. But even if he was the man who’d hurt her, even with the damage he’d caused, there was something intrinsically comforting about it being Beau’s. She would carry his baby with pride.

“You know,” Dina said when Lola didn’t continue, “I love Johnny lots. Think he was good for you. But I think it’s for the best, you moving on. At first, I thought you needed to calm down, and he was good at that. Now, though…ah, I don’t know what I’m trying to say, just that—maybe I took his side sometimes, and I’m real sorry for that. You’re my family, not him.” She rushed out the last few words, as if she might lose her nerve before she co

uld say them.

Lola’s throat got thick, her mouth full of marbles. It was hard for both of them to come out and say how they felt, admit when they were wrong. “Thanks,” Lola said, her eyes watering a little. “You’re going to be a grandma.”

“You what? Hang on. Damn TV’s too loud.” The chair scratched against the tile floor again. The TV got louder, then went quiet. “What’d you say?”

“I’m pregnant,” Lola said, pronouncing each syllable.

“What I thought you said,” Dina muttered.

The line went static-still for a few seconds. In the silence, over and over, Lola thought—I can do this by myself. She might have to. She was strong enough. Her mom’s disappointment would only steel her for Beau’s reaction.

“Who’s the daddy?” Dina asked.

“The man in the suit.”

“You sure? He made it sound like he hadn’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m sure.” Lola had been over this already. Her last period had ended the same day Beau’d fucked her over the bathroom sink.

Lola thought about explaining it further, but how could she? She wouldn’t lie to her mom, but she couldn’t tell her the truth—not at this point in time anyway. There were too many intimate, complicated details to her story with Beau, details only she and Beau could ever know or understand. Beau was the only person who’d never judged her for taking that money, and the only one who never would.

“Motherhood’s not cut out for everyone, Lola. Look, not saying I regret it, but I wasn’t right for the job back then. You sure you want to go through with it?”

Lola’s swallowed. She couldn’t bring herself to seriously consider abortion, the same way she’d never thought to take a morning-after pill. She’d convinced herself one unprotected night with Beau, whom she’d considered the devil himself, couldn’t result in anything positive.

“Yes,” Lola said. “I’m on my own, but I can do it. I had a good example.”

Dina made a noise like she was trying to get something out of her throat. “That’s sweet, but we both know I was no good at the mom thing.”