Kiss the Stars (Falling Stars 1)

“I was apologizing to her because you are the first person who has made me feel since losing her, Mia, and the truth is, I’m not quite sure how to handle that. You’re the first person who’s made me question what I’m living for. The first person who’s made me think that maybe I might want something different.”

He clutched me tighter. “Yeah, I’ve slept with other women, Mia. But you are the only one I’ve been with.”

Sorrow spun.

For him.

For her.

For me.

“The only one I wanted.” It was the confession of a sin.

The man on his knees.

I gulped down his misery.

“What happened to her?”

Grief clashed with the hardness of his expression. Stone and ice. He leaned in closer. “I told you that I’m really good at destroying everything I touch.”

I heaved out a staggered breath, refusing to believe the cruelty that fell from his tongue.

“You might not have been in my life for long, Leif Godwin, but I know you. You would never hurt her.”

His laughter was brutal. “Just because I didn’t pull the trigger doesn’t mean I wasn’t responsible. Doesn’t mean I’m not the devil.”

God. I wanted to believe he was speaking figuratively. But by the expression on his face? I couldn’t be sure. He curled his hand around the side of my neck, both possessive and tender. “And with you, Mia? You make it feel different. Make me want to be different. Be someone who is worthy of you. And that scares the shit out of me because I shouldn’t want you. Because I’m wishing I could be the kind of man that I’m not ever going to be.”

And I got it. I got it.

Saw so deep in his storm.

Like my fingertips had delved into the darkest depths of his spirit.

Touched upon the fear.

The reservations.

The hatred that seeped from his soul.

“Need to be here with you, Mia. Watch over you. Watch over your kids. Can’t walk away until I know you’re safe.”

It was a harsh plea.

That maybe saving us would be his only salvation.

But what I heard the most?

He would never allow himself to love me.

Not the way that I wanted him to.

That would be like me chasing down a falling star and catching it in my hand.

Beautiful but gone in a flash. Disintegrated into nothing.

A dream turned to ash.

A shiver raced, and my stomach churned.

And I knew, right then, that I was already lost to him.Twenty-FiveMiaI took one last glance at myself in the full-length mirror. Considering I was going to a concert, I thought I would try to play the part. Tight, black, shredded skinny jeans, a thin, silky black tank with a strip of lace at the low neckline, and a pair of knee-high boots to match.

I’d done my makeup heavier than normal, and my hair was curled into fat waves.

All of it put together made me feel . . . sexy.

Maybe it would stand the chance to cover the fact I also felt crazy anxious.

My nerves splintered and fragmented.

When I’d gone to bed last night, I was sure this whole thing would have gone bust. Worried that Leif would retreat after allowing that glimpse of vulnerability. After opening a part of himself up to me that I’d bet my life he shared with precious few others, if anyone at all.

The part of me that had begun to beat for him wrecked by what he’d gone through.

Praying he would allow me to hold it, while there was a huge piece of me that wasn’t exactly sure how to handle that knowledge.

But no.

I glanced at my phone again, to the text that had been waiting for me since morning.

Leif: Be ready at 5. We’re gonna ride.I ran my damp palms down the front of my jeans.

Right.

Okay.

I was just supposed to climb onto the back of his bike. Act like nothing had happened after what had been revealed yesterday.

My heart wasn’t just on the line.

It was on the chopping block.

I glanced at the clock.

Four fifty.

My pulse spiked.

This was it.

I grabbed my leather jacket from where I had it tossed on top of my bed, shrugged into it, and headed out the two doors into the long hall that led to the main part of the house. At the end of it, I made a right through the archway and stepped right into anarchy.

Every person in the family was there tonight.

The kids had tipped the couch on its side and piled a thousand pillows to the sky.

Their own personal stairway to heaven.

“I am King Zeus,” Brendon roared from the top of it, lifting both hands like he was holding a thunderbolt, while all his loyal subjects scrambled around at the base of his throne.

“Mommy!” Greyson squealed when he saw me, bouncing on his knees and holding a pillow like it was some kind of treasure. “We building a fort! Do you wike it? See?”