Say It's Not Fake

I had to control my breathing. This was all happening so damn fast. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do this—

“It’ll be fine, Kyle. Like Adam said, this is all standard.” Whitney reached out and took my hand. She laced her fingers with mine and I held on tight. I pretended not to notice the way Adam took in everything.

“At this hearing, the judge will also appoint a guardian ad litem,” Adam continued when I was calm again.

“A what?” I asked.

“A guardian ad litem. It’s basically a lawyer that represents Katie for the custody hearing,” Adam explained.

“Why does Katie need a lawyer?” I jumped in, my nerves getting the best of me.

“It’s normal to have one in custody cases, Web. Nothing to worry about. They will be acting as a completely neutral party, only taking into account what is in Katie’s best interests.” Adam gave me a reassuring smile.

“Okay, so they’ll do what? It’s not like Katie’s being put on trial. Right? She won’t have to sit in a witness stand or anything, will she?” I didn’t mean to sound so ignorant, but I was clueless about what was going to happen. Which, I suppose, was why I had a lawyer.

“First of all, I know this is stressful. When you’re dealing with the court system, it’s all red tape and legal loopholes. That’s why you have me, my friend.” Adam sat back in his chair. “The guardian ad litem will visit both your house and Josie’s. He or she will observe Katie at home, how you two interact with her. They’ll most likely interview everyone in Katie’s life, including your parents and Meg and me. The idea is to get a big picture of Katie’s life. What it’s like here for her and what it will be like should she live with Josie. Then they write a report that is submitted to the court to be included in the judge’s determination.”

“So, who pays for this guardian? The court?” Whitney asked. I hadn’t even thought to ask that. My brain was running at a million miles a minute, hardly time to latch onto anything.

“Well, you and Josie would be responsible for paying for it. It will get wrapped up in court costs,” Adam informed them.

“Okay, so the next step is this temporary custody hearing, then?” I asked, running my hand through my hair.

“Exactly. It’s scheduled for Friday morning at 10:00. Show up at least fifteen minutes early because it’s a bitch finding parking.” Adam’s phone rang, and he picked it up. “Sure, give me five minutes, Lena.” After he hung up, he looked at us again. “Have you started getting all that paperwork together I asked you to?”

I nodded. “I have all my tax returns and itemized costs. I’m trying to figure out how much I’ve spent on Katie since she was born, but that’s pretty hard to come up with.”

“Just give me a ballpark figure, Web. I don’t need it to be exact. We’re trying to paint a picture of everything you’ve done for Katie and everything Josie hasn’t. She hasn’t been very consistent in financial support, has she?” Adam started to get to his feet, our indication that the meeting was over.

I laughed without humor. “Are you kidding? Except for a pack of diapers when she was still living here, I don’t think Josie has given a red cent toward Katie’s care.”

Adam nodded again. “Good. That’s good.” He frowned. “Not that it’s good she’s been a shit mom, but that goes toward proving her unwillingness to provide for her daughter. It’s another tick in your favor, buddy.” He clasped my shoulder, squeezing it. “Try not to worry too much. Just keep being the great dad that you already are. And please get that paperwork to me no later than Thursday. I need to look over it before Friday morning.”

Whitney and I left Adam’s office. We hesitated for a moment in the hallway, neither of us moving.

“I know you’re probably freaking out over the hearing. But don’t. Or at least try not to. That all sounded really promising, Kyle,” Whitney said intently.

“I hate this, Whit. I really do. I hate that I have to go and stand in front of a judge and convince them I’m the right one to take care of my girl when it’s been me, not Josie, who has taken care of her for her entire life. I don’t want some random person to come into my home and judge how I raise her. I can’t stand the thought of these strangers’ opinions dictating the rest of our lives.” I felt exhausted, a ragged heap ready to collapse at any moment. But I couldn’t. I’d stay strong. For Katie.

Whitney put her hand on my wrist. “It’s not fair. Not one bit. But you have to play the game if you want to win.”