Big Man For Christmas

I put my hands on her wrists and pin them to the bed as I move. Slowly. Firmly. Long, even strokes that make her shudder. Carley’s fingers flare outwards, grasping at nothing. Her ass is pushing back up into my hips, begging me for more even as I give it to her.

I keep myself as close to her as possible, lips at the nape of her neck. “You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?”

Carley makes a noise in response, but it’s not words. Not real ones.

“I’m so fucking happy that you’re here in my bed. I’m so fucking happy that you heard me sing that song. This is everything I ever imagined.”

The words are flowing from me so smoothly, so quickly, I’m hardly even aware that I’m saying them. But I need to get them out and she needs to hear me say them. I’m still fucking her, almost brutally.

“Nothing he ever said to make you feel like you were less is true. Because you’re perfect for just being who you are.”

She shudders again, writhing underneath me, and I ride her harder. We’re fucking into each other, each movement bringing more and brighter pleasure to each of us. Carley is moaning with every thrust of my cock and lightning is growing at the base of my spine.

I move my hands so our fingers are tangled together, my lips against her ear. “Come with me.”

She does. Her cries are muffled into the pillow, but she comes, pussy locking down on me, shaking with her climax, and I let myself go.

The lightning races down my spine, and I come harder than I have in my fucking life, face buried in Carley’s hair. I can smell her, apples and warm sugar. Perfection.

This is the best I’ve ever felt. In my life. I can’t think of a time when I’ve been happier or more content. I slide off her, pulling her with me so she’s still close. We’re both boneless and spent, breathing deeply.

“I could do that for the rest of my life,” I say, already fading into sleep, wanting to chase this feeling forever.9CarleyCasey is asleep behind me. I feel him fade, his body relaxing around me. Easing. I love the feeling of lying against him, that heat pouring into me like melted butter over my skin.

This is so good. I’ve missed feeling like this. It’s been a long time since Tyler held me at night, usually kissing my forehead and rolling away. I crave this closeness and the way his arm is casually thrown over my hip, making sure that I don’t move away.

But even though the orgasms and sex leave me wanting to fall asleep in his arms, I can’t get his sleepy words out of my head. “I could do that for the rest of my life.”

I hate the panic that claws at my throat at the thought. Those old fears about being stuck here in Elgin with nowhere else to go. Trapped here.

It makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I have to go.

There’s nothing I want more than to stay next to this man who makes me feel like I am actually worth something. But I can’t stay. The only thing I’ll do is panic, and I don’t want that.

And more than that, the clock tells me that it’s almost four AM. My father will be up soon. And I don’t want him to see me coming back from Casey’s and have to explain why I’m outside so early. Though my father probably wouldn’t care and wouldn’t pry, that’s not exactly a conversation that I want to have with him.

Casey doesn’t even stir when I gently ease out from under his arm. He breathes slow and deep and even, utterly exhausted. That makes me smile. I wore him out.

I find my clothes and put them on. The only thing missing are my boots, which are still downstairs where I kicked them off.

This time as I walk through the house I actually get to see it. And it’s really nice. Cozy and comfortable. Far more lived in and warm than the white and stark steel that Tyler insisted for our apartment. And it isn’t cluttered and dated like my parents’ house. It’s just…nice. It’s missing some plants, but that’s an easy addition.

As I grab my boots I spot one in the kitchen window. It’s very, very dead. I laugh. At least he tried.

The early morning is cold and crisp in that rare way that you can only get in the dead of winter. I love that feeling of cold going directly into my lungs and waking me up.

I stand on the porch for a moment and consider going back inside. I could. He would never know that I was gone. And then I step off the porch and make my way across the field toward home.