Big Man For Christmas

I laugh to myself, wishing them luck It will probably be more mud than snow in a couple of hours. For the adults, the roads will be hell both today and tomorrow.

Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I dig through my suitcase for some clothes. If the kids are up that means the rest of the house is up, and I’m not about to give my mother more ammunition by sleeping late. That’s the last thing I need.

My phone chimes. I ignore the sound because I know it’s Tyler. That’s his text tone, and I have less than zero interest in anything that he has to say right now. He probably spent last night at Andi’s house, fucking her silly.

I dismiss the notification and turn off the sound on my phone. That will fix the problem. After another moment of thinking, I toss my phone into my bag and leave it there. The only person that will call me on it now that I’m here is Tyler, and I’m not going to answer it anyway.

My mom and sister are in the kitchen when I go downstairs, prepping breakfast for everyone. The big Farrell family breakfasts are a staple of Christmas vacation. They’re expected. My mom spots me. “There you are, thought you would sleep all morning.”

Glancing at the clock, it’s only eight in the morning. I take a deep breath. Clearly she’s still pissed. That’s fine. I’m still pissed at her too. “What are we making?”

“Pancakes,” Jessica says. “Fruit salad, bacon, sausage. The works, since it’s the first day that everyone is together.”

My mother snorts under her breath.

Jessica looks at me cautiously. “We’ll get it done while the menfolk are outside making sure the kids don’t kill each other.”

“What do you need me to do?”

She nods to a couple of melons on the sideboard. “Cut those up for a start.”

“I can do that.”

We work in silence for a couple of minutes, but honestly, I know that it’s only a matter of time before the questions come. And then the lectures.

“So, this wasn’t exactly the plan, huh?” Jessica asks when I’m halfway through chopping up the cantaloupe.

“No,” I say. “It wasn’t.”

Mom clears her throat. “Not too late to change those plans.”

I sigh. “Yes, Mom, it is.”

“Okay,” Jessica says, sensing the tension rising. “Can you just start with telling me what the hell happened?”

“Sure,” I shrug. “I thought—expected—that Mom would have told you, but it turns out she hasn’t been forthcoming about what happened.”

I fill her in quickly about exactly what happened, and why Tyler isn’t with me. To her credit, Jessica actually looks shocked and expresses more normal emotions than my mother.

“So,” I finish, “Tyler will not be a part of my life going forward. And that is the end of the story.”

Jessica nods like she understands. “See, this is why we told you that it was a bad idea to move in with him before you guys got married. This is what happens. You know what they say: why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? Tyler went looking for milk that wasn’t free.”

So much for Jessica being more understanding. She’s used that line before, and every time she does it makes me cringe a little inside. Like somehow I’m dirty for doing what most modern couples do now. Jessica doesn’t really have any room to talk—she wasn’t a saint when we were growing up. If anything, she did and got away with more shit than I did.

My mother sighs. “This will blow over, Carley. You just need to get past it and get married. Have a baby. Kids have a way of making boys into men. I’m sure Tyler will be exactly the same. I mean…look at Rhett!” She turns to Jessica. “Your sister will be the first to admit that her husband wasn’t marriage material until she made him into it. He settled down and now look at him. Model husband and father. But that never would have happened if Jessica hadn’t actually given him the chance to settle.”

I have to physically bite my tongue to keep myself from speaking. No need to bring up the fact that the only reason that Rhett and Jessica got married in the first place was the fact that she found she was pregnant. It was a classic shotgun wedding before she started showing. So yes, Rhett had settled. By force.

But I do admit that he is a good father. They have three boys now, and I love the way he is with them. He makes a good salary as the football coach at their local high school, and from my position on the outside of everything, they seem to have a happy life. And I am happy for Jessica in that.

However, the thought of intentionally trying to trap someone in a marriage by having a child or just marrying them to make them grow up doesn’t sit well with me. And the very thought of letting Tyler touch me again after what I know…it makes me nauseous.