Not What I Expected

“No.”

“Yes. You’re just pretending to be offended that I actually think you should do it, but deep down, you’re looking for me to validate your feelings.”

“Pfft … and what are my feelings?”

“You tell me. Do you want to have sex with Kael Hendricks?”

Silence.

“You just answered my question.”

I sat up straight in the desk chair. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Exactly. And that breath of silence said everything. Now … go shave your legs and maybe buzz the muff a bit. Lotion. Perfume. And wear something sexy—which is code for borrow something from Bella.”

“What? No. No to shaving and buzzing. No to lotion … okay, I like lotion, but there will be no perfume because I’m staying in tonight. And I’m a little taken aback that you think Bella owns sexy things.”

“She’s eighteen, Elsie. Trust me. She owns things you have never seen. She just doesn’t put them on until she’s out of the house.”

“That’s not true.” I shook my head, internally dying because I also didn’t expect my daughter to lose her virginity in high school and casually mention it to me in a retail store.

The doorbell rang.

Every muscle in my body tensed, and my heart thundered. Since Craig’s death, every time the doorbell rang, I replayed the night the police came to my house to give me the devastating news.

“I have to go. Someone’s at my door. I hope it’s not …” I couldn’t even say it.

“Don’t go there. I’m sure it’s just Bella forgetting her key. Bye, Elsie.”

I didn’t tell Amie that the back door was unlocked, so I knew it wasn’t Bella forgetting her key. And my three boys no longer lived at home. My heart remained lodged in my throat as I made my way to the front door. The knot in my gut told me it wasn’t good.

Opening the door, my fears were confirmed. It wasn’t good.

“You dropped your scarf on the ground in the parking lot. Figured you might need it to clear your drive in the morning since you rejected my offer.”

I snatched the scarf from his hand and started to shut the door with a mumbled “Thank you. Do I want to know how you found my house?”

“Small town. How were your fajitas?”

Stopping with the door opened only about two inches, I peeked one eye out. “Fine. Night.”

“You could invite me inside and offer me something warm since I came all this way to return your scarf.”

“Cute.” I squinted my one peeping eye through the crack in the door. “And by something warm, you mean sex?”

He rubbed his mouth to hide his grin. “You’re a ballbuster, and you don’t even mean to be. I was thinking tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cider … but sex would definitely warm me up if that’s all you have to offer.”

I drank hot lemon water every morning. We hadn’t had coffee in the house since Craig died. Bella occasionally grabbed a sugary coffee drink on her way to school. I had no tea. No hot chocolate. No cider.

And as all of that realization hit me, I started to shake with laughter.

Kael glanced around and drew his shoulders close to his ears as the gusting wind intensified, swirling snow in all directions. “I’ll take that as a no. See ya around, Elsie.” He pivoted and headed toward his truck parked in my driveway.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I closed the door.

Bella: Staying the night with Erin. Be home by noon tomorrow.I frowned at the screen. Why did I suddenly not trust that she was staying with her friend? Oh, that was right. She was sexually active, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“It’s just the two of us, Meadow.” I sighed as I heard the rumble of Kael’s truck starting. His huge tailpipes made way more noise than was necessary on my quiet street. Meadow trotted over to the bench under the mirror. She put her front paws on the bench and bit her fleece blanket, pulling it partially off the bench to … hump it.

“Not cool, Meadow. Not cool at all.”

Not only was it not cool that Meadow had a blanket to hump, my daughter was most likely in bed with a guy instead of eating popcorn and watching a chick-flick with Erin.

“Here goes everything …” I rolled my eyes at myself and opened the front door. Waving my arm above my head, I grimaced against the cold wind as Kael backed out of my driveway.

He stopped, shifted into drive, and pulled back up my drive. He killed the engine and shut off his headlights as he opened the door and hopped out.

“Shit …” I whispered to myself, my pulse racing. “Shit … shit … shit.” The reality of what I was about to do made my knees weak and my breaths embarrassingly erratic.

Kael insisted on making his trek back to my door the slowest one ever. “Need something?”