Not What I Expected

His brush traced my lips, and I couldn’t breathe. The heat on my skin burned to the point of pain. I needed out of there, but I couldn’t leave. And he took his time as if he knew I needed out—as if he was making a point.

As if … he was punishing me.

So I closed my eyes and thought about my dead husband and all the responsibility that came with his death. I thought about foods I hated and chores that sat on my long to-do list. I thought about anything but Kael using the word love over and over again.

I wasn’t his to love in any way.

Not my cheekbones.

Not my dimple.

Not my lips.

And certainly not my heart, even if I felt the stroke of his brush hit me there like a hunter’s dagger laying claim to it. There was nothing worse than giving something away to someone who didn’t appreciate it or even want it. Kael didn’t believe in love. He couldn’t be a good steward of anyone’s heart.

Minutes, hours, days later … it felt like forever … he stepped back. “Done. That will be ten bucks, my snow queen.”

I blinked open my eyes.

“Oh my gosh …”

“How beautiful …”

“Oh! I want that!”

“It’s like Elsa from Frozen!”

Eager customers ooo’d and aww’d while gawking at me. I returned a nervous smile as I climbed off the stool. Kael helped me into my jacket and handed me my purse.

My shaky hand reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty.

“I’ll get you change.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just … keep it. Donate it. Whatever.”

He smiled, slipping it into a jar filled with money. “Well, thank you, Mrs. Smith. That’s very generous.” He magically slipped back into Kael Hendricks, nice guy and fellow shop owner.

Before I could even get out of the tiny space behind his art table, Tillie threw her arms around Kael. “Good to see you. I’ve missed you. We really need to do dinner again.”

Everyone grinned and pointed with delight at my face as I made my way out of the store. When I sneaked one last peek back at Kael, his gaze was already on me. He winked.

I couldn’t hide my instant reaction—a knowing smile that felt like our little secret.

By the time I wormed my way back to the store, stopping every two seconds for compliments on my face, it was time to close up for the rest of the night’s activities.

“Oh my gosh! Mom!” Bella’s mouth fell open. “Not fair! Your face!”

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and brought up the camera to have a look at what everyone was fussing about. “Dang …” I whispered at the beautiful shades of blue swirled along my face and outlining my lips. But it was the intricate detail to all the snowflakes that gave a wow factor.

I liked it a lot.

Too much.

I liked him a lot.

Too much.

“Did you ask for that?” Bella snapped several photos of my face with her phone.

“Nope. I just said he could do whatever he wanted with my face.”

I wanted him to grab it with both hands and kiss me until I forgot how to breathe, until my knees gave out, until the rest of the world faded into nothingness.

But the stunning face painting was a nice second choice.

“For real? Well, we are totally jealous.” Bella frowned and her friends nodded with similar envy on their young, pouty faces.

“I’m going to use the restroom and lock up so I can take my place at the judges’ table. Are you girls going to make a snowman?”

“Of course. Laters, Mom.”

As soon as I used the restroom and locked up shop, Kelly practically jumped me. “Elsie!”

I whipped around.

“Whoa … I mean … Elsa.” She smiled, eyes wide. “Your face painting is a freaking masterpiece.”

“Yeah. He did a good job. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well, listen … I just wanted to catch you before the judging started.”

“Okay.” I pulled my white stocking cap onto my head and slipped on my mittens. “You caught me. What’s up?”

We walked toward the center of the square.

“I’m selling my house and moving out of Epperly.”

With surprise pulling at my painted face, I gave her a side glance. “You are, huh?”

“Yes.” She returned a confident nod. “You … your generosity and bravery for opening up to the group about the real stuff … well, it’s changed me. I felt like leaving here, the place where we met, married, and wanted to start a family—and the place where he’s buried—would feel like I was running away and forgetting about him. I worried so much about what everyone would think. But you showed me that my feelings are important too. And I shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed of them. You’ve been a huge role model.”

Ugh … not a role model at all.

“Kelly … I’m not worthy. Really. But thank you. I’m happy for you. Leaving Epperly is just living your life. You can’t change the past no matter how long you stay here. And beneath the headstone in that cemetery is just a body. It’s not him. You carry him with you in spirit. And he would want you to be happy.”