Unspoken Desire

‘Frazer knows what he can do. He can always keep them here with him, after all. How would you like that, Rebecca—starting life with a nice ready-made family, all too ready to show just how much they resent your marrying their precious Uncle Frazer?’

Rory was jealous of Frazer, Rebecca recognised sadly. Jealous of him and, because of that jealousy, cruelly determined to do all that he could to hurt him.

‘Why?’ she whispered more to herself than to Rory, but he heard her and obviously understood, because he stood beside her and gestured through the window.

‘Why? God, you really are naïve! Just look around you. Frazer owns all this, Rebecca—and why? Because he’s the elder. I hate him for that, and I always have. The more ways I have of hurting him, the happier I’ll be. When he got engaged to you, he gave me first prize, didn’t he, Rebecca! I’ll just bet every time he touches you, every time he makes love with you, he’s wondering what it was like for you with me. Oh, he won’t say anything, of course—stoical, that’s our Frazer—but he’ll be thinking it, wondering…and it’s going to tear him apart.’

He saw her face and said sourly, ‘Pity him, do you?’

‘No!’ she said, facing him squarely. ‘But I do pity you,’ and with that she turned and walked out of the room, while her legs would still carry her. Why had she never known, never guessed the hatred Rory felt for Frazer? All those years ago when he had pleaded with her to help him, when he had begged her to save Frazer pain, she had thought how much he loved his brother. She paused, frowning. Rory had had the ideal opportunity to hurt Frazer then, so why hadn’t he taken it? Why hadn’t he told Frazer the truth about his affair with Michelle? Even if she asked him, she suspected he would not give her a straight answer. She had spoken truthfully when she’d told Rory she pitied him, but she pitied his wife and children even more.

CHAPTER EIGHT

THE doctor, when he arrived, pronounced Rebecca remarkably recovered from her dunking, but warned her that she must still continue to take things easily and that there was still a possibility that the infection could return.

When she asked him tentatively if it was now all right for her to go out, he paused for a moment and then said judiciously, ‘Yes, provided you don’t overdo things.’

So now she had no excuse for not going to tonight’s dinner party. In other circumstances she would have been looking forward to it. After the doctor had gone, she tried not to daydream about how she would have been feeling if she and Frazer were really engaged…if he really loved her. It was a useless and non-profitable exercise, more worthy of the teenager she had once been, surely, than the woman she now was, but she recognised that what she had learned from Rory had disturbed her, and acknowledged that it was easier to daydream impossibly romantic dreams of Frazer than to face up to the reality of Rory’s envy and resentment of his elder brother.

Comparing it with the loving relationship she shared with Robert, she felt desperately sorry for Frazer, who as far as she could see had always taken a very caring and responsible attitude towards Rory.

From her window, she could see the twins trudging up the drive. It had been a wet, chilly day, not summery at all, and Peter paused to splash enthusiastically in a deep puddle of water, while his sister waited disapprovingly.

Rebecca did not envy their mother, torn as she must be between her love for Rory and her love for her children. And as for the twins themselves…It was no wonder they were so attached to Frazer. She daren’t think about the possible consequences for them if Rory had his way and they were sent away to school. They were still too young and far too vulnerable, especially Helen, to be separated from the one person who had given their life its only stability.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that Frazer would not let them go easily, and wondered wryly if part of the purpose of Rory’s earlier conversation had been to drive another wedge between Frazer and herself by making it clear to her that the twins were all too likely to remain in Frazer’s care.

If she had ever been tempted to take Rory into her confidence and admit to him that her supposed engagement was a ‘sham’ invented by Frazer to protect his marriage, that temptation had gone. She was no threat to Rory’s marriage, but if Rory knew the truth he would use it unmercifully against Frazer, and she could not allow that to happen.

She went downstairs to greet the twins as they came into the kitchen, helping them off with their coats and wellingtons, then going out to help Mrs Norton unload the shopping from her small car. She had taken the twins with her into town, as she put it, ‘to give Maud and Rebecca a break.’

Over milk and biscuits Rebecca listened to Peter describing the car he had seen in Horthorpe.A strained truce now existed between the twins and herself, one she was careful not to destroy by pushing herself too far into their lives. After all, she would soon be gone, and ultimately it would be someone else’s task to reassure them gently that Frazer’s marriage would not mean their exclusion from his life.

‘Dad says he’s going to send us away to school,’ Peter announced suddenly, giving her an anxious look.

‘Uncle Frazer won’t let him,’ Helen interrupted quickly, giving Rebecca a look that dared her to deny her statement.

Rebecca said nothing, but she was deeply concerned. She knew now that Rory wouldn’t stop to concern himself with his children’s feelings in his determination to hurt Frazer.

She wished there was some way she could sit down with Frazer and talk honestly with him, tell him what she had learned, warn him…About what? About Rory’s resentment of him? Frazer was an astute, intelligent man. He must already know what his brother felt.

Even so, when she went upstairs to prepare for her evening out she was wearily conscious of the double burden of deceit she now felt she was carrying.

* * *

SHE HADN’T BROUGHT any real evening clothes with her, not having anticipated when she’d packed that she would be going out to dinner, but luckily she had put in a black suit which, although far from new, would with a bit of luck carry her through the evening.

It had been a joint Christmas present from Robert, Ailsa and her parents three years ago, outrageously expensive and so simply understated that it was not until it was on that one realised just why its designer was so highly praised. The matt fabric had a slightly ribboned effect that leavened the plainness of the black fabric. The long jacket was cut like a tunic and the short straight skirt, now back in fashion, clung sleekly to her hips and thighs. Having checked that the suit did not need pressing, Rebecca wondered how much longer Frazer was going to be, cravenly almost hoping that he had changed his mind and cancelled the engagement after all.

He walked into the television room while she was sitting with the twins, listening to the news. As usual Helen flew to greet him, and Rebecca had to avert her eyes as he swung the little girl up in his arms and kissed her.

‘No Rory?’ he asked when he had greeted Peter in much the same way.

‘Daddy’s gone out,’ Helen informed him importantly, then scowled as she added, ‘He said he was sick and tired of being here. I don’t care. I want him to go away. I don’t like it when he’s here.’

Over their heads Rebecca saw Frazer’s mouth tighten.

‘I’ve told Mrs N. that we won’t be in for dinner tonight,’ he said to her, and hesitated as though almost waiting for her to argue with him.

Instead she said as calmly as she could, ‘The doctor said there was no reason why I shouldn’t go out, provided I was sensible.’

Helen, quite obviously not liking being excluded from their conversation, interrupted eagerly, ‘Can we come with you too, Uncle Frazer?’

Rebecca’s heart sank as Frazer shook his head an

d she saw the small face crumple into a sulking scowl.

‘It’s not fair! We never see you any more now that she’s here!’ Helen protested bitterly.

Rebecca waited for Frazer to placate the little girl, and was surprised when he said firmly, ‘That’s not true, Helen,’ then he softened his statement by adding, ‘I thought we’d already talked about how having Rebecca here won’t alter how I feel about you.’

‘It will when you marry her,’ Helen told him bitterly. ‘Daddy says you’ll send us away then. That she’ll make you send us away,’ she added with a challenging look at Rebecca.

To her surprise Frazer looked at her and suggested calmly, ‘Shall we let Rebecca tell us herself how she feels about having you two living here?’

While she applauded his diplomacy and calm good sense, Rebecca couldn’t help feeling trapped and resentful. It wasn’t fair of him to push her into making promises to the twins that she wouldn’t be here to keep, but they were all three waiting for her to say something.

Remembering all the times she had dealt with the tears and miseries of a small child fighting his or her resentment of the arrival of a new brother or sister, she summoned that experience to her aid and said slowly, ‘Love isn’t like a piece of cake, Helen. When it has to be shared with more people it doesn’t mean that everyone has to have a smaller slice. You know that when two people get married it’s because they love one another and because they want to make one another happy. It wouldn’t make Frazer very happy if I asked him to send you and Peter away, would it?’

After a brief and rather obvious inward tussle with herself, Helen shook her head.

‘Does that mean that because you love Uncle Frazer, you want us to stay?’ Peter asked her thoughtfully.

‘Yes,’ she agreed simply. After all, it was no less than the truth.

‘But Daddy said…’Helen began determinedly.

‘Daddy made a mistake,’ Rebecca interrupted her quietly. ‘You see, I love Frazer very much indeed, Helen. I don’t want to make him sad, and it would make him very sad indeed if I asked him to send you away.’