Raw (RAW Family 1)

I hate myself for loving this man.

Kissing Lexi with everything I have, I can almost feel her love flowing through me.

I feel drunk. Love drunk.

Placing my forehead on hers, I whisper, “You gotta promise to never leave me. I-I…you just gotta.”

Her response is, “You have to promise to try to love me back. What you’re doing to me…that’s not how you treat a person you love, Twitch.”

I’ve loved you since you were six.

Kissing her once more, I tell her without hesitation, “If you promise to never leave me, I will love you. And be good to you. I’ll treat you like a queen.”

My queen.

I heard somewhere that a king only bows down to his queen.

And I’m bowing down to Lexi.

My chest aches. I don’t know if I like this love thing.

She whispers the magic words, “I promise I won’t leave you.”

And just like that…

…Lexi became mine.

Sitting at my desk, back at work, I chew on the end of my pen and recall the rest of our conversation today. I should be working, but my mind is trained on one thing. Twitch. Our talk was short, but it felt like so much was put out there in such few words.

He kissed me again and again, then asked, “You’re mine? Just mine?”

And the way he asked, with such insecurity in his voice, was as if he didn’t know the answer to his questions. And it calmed me to know he was as uncertain about this as I was. His questions lacked his usual confidence and sounded almost juvenile. I told him honestly, “If you let me in and you promise to try, for me, then yes. I’m yours.”

Pulling back and looking down at me, his eyes crinkled in the corners. “So we’re doing this? You’re my girlfriend?”

Blushing, I dipped my chin, “I-I guess so. That’s usually how these things go. I know you don’t love me…”

He cut in with, “I will love you.”

“…yet, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m willing to make this work if you think you can let me in enough to understand you. That’s all I need, Twitch. Help me understand you.” I whispered by the shell of his ear, “Just let me in.”

Wrapping his arms around me, he held me tightly, buried his face into my neck, and mumbled, “I’ll try, baby. I’ll try.”

And I believed him.

How this all happened so quickly, I really have no idea.

One second I came to offer Twitch help – help he desperately needs – and the next, I’m losing my anal V-card. Then I’m yelling, and finally, I’m Twitch’s girlfriend.

Chuckling humorlessly, I shake my head at myself.

This could be the biggest mistake of my life.

Or it could be the most perfect prize. One you’ve earned.

There’s something about Twitch.

He’s just…raw.

Everything about him is raw. And gritty. And unbound.

He’s a raging fire. And I’m a fragile moth fluttering into the flame. Sooner or later, I’m going to get burned. I know this.

Will I even survive the heat?

How can I trust this man after everything we’ve been through in such a short time?

Without skipping a beat, my mind provides the answer.

Easy.

Spending the afternoon revisiting my decision to be involved with a man like Twitch made my mind turn to mush.

I have an ethical responsibility within my sector to help all that need it. I know Twitch needs help, even if he doesn’t believe that. It’s no real secret that man has anger issues that borderline violent. I wonder what I’m getting myself into. He has secrets. Secrets that run deep.

Thinking of the things that could have possibly happened to him makes my heart squeeze.

People don’t turn into the kind of person Twitch is for no reason at all.

Something terrible has happened for him to be this way. And I’ll be there, waiting patiently for when he finally wants to reveal those reasons. Something tells me that by giving him the promise he all but begged for, to not leave him, his trust in me has risen to a new level.

Twitch asked me to meet him at my place when I was done with work. He said he was taking the afternoon off and we’re going to be staying at his house tonight.

Everything inside of me told me not to go. To not be at his beck and call. That I needed to be independent.

But all I could think about was how much lost time we had to make up for.

Truthfully, learning about Twitch is more important to me than anything.

And tonight is going to be the night.

I text him back, telling him that I would meet him and that he’d better be ready to talk.

And talk is what we did.

I found him in my room when I got home, and at seeing my selection of underwear, he curled his lip in disgust. “Seriously, babe?”

“What?” I asked.

He took a pair of my pink cotton panties and stretched them between his fingers. Making a slingshot with them, he flung them across my room, then stalked over to the bed.

Sitting, his eyes took in my body as if he were undressing me with his eyes. And it made me a little uncomfortable. I’m not used to being scrutinised so close up.

He pulled me towards him so I stood between his legs. His hands travelled up my sides, then over my breasts and back down. He muttered vacantly, “This body.”

Snapping out of his daze, he offered, “A body like this is a gift. So it needs to be gift-wrapped. I like my gifts to be wrapped in sexy.” Trailing a fingertip from my belly button down to the top of my mound, he muttered, “I like my women in silk and lace, frills and bows. I don’t do pretty, but I like women who do pretty.”

Looking up at me, he stated, “You do pretty, you won’t get rid of me.”

For Twitch, that was kind of sweet. And very macho. And seriously sexist.

The feminist in me booed and hissed, while the horny teenager in me slumped against a wall and sighed dreamily.

Not wanting him to know that, I teased, “You’re my stalker. I couldn’t get rid of you if I tried.”

His lips twitched. “I like Lexi. She’s funny. Not a huge fan of Alexa, though. She kinda sucks.”

I was confused. “But I’m Alexa. And Lexi. We’re the same person.”

He grinned hugely, “No. You’re not. Just like I’m Twitch sometimes, but I’m also…” My eyes widened.

Please tell me. Open up to me. Please.

His smile faltered only a second before he said, “C’mon. Let’s go home.”

Home.

With Twitch.

That felt so right that my mind wasn’t able to form words. Mouth parted, I simply nodded, and off we went.

Home.

Spending the afternoon with Lexi was crazy.

It was crazy because I don’t remember a time in my life when I laughed so much or smiled so hard. The woman is a serious clown. She’s adorably goofy. And I love that.

I never thought it could be this way with the two of us.

She says she loves me. And when she said it in anger, I knew it was true. I can’t tell her how I feel about her yet. I need her to know me – all of me – before I can tell her that. I have my reasons.

We spent the day outdoors. She dressed herself in the bright yellow sundress I bought her, after an argument which lasted almost an h

our about me buying her things. She lectured me about people starving around the world, and about kids living on the streets. She only gave up her argument when I blurted, “I know, Lex. I was a street kid. So I get it.” Her face turned soft and her argument died. I added, “Just wanted to do something nice for my girl, okay?”

Standing by her dresser, she answered quietly, “Okay, honey.”

Like I said, I always win.

I showed her some of my favorite places in the city, including a small Italian café where we had something light for dinner. She said smiling, “You like Italian food, huh?”

Leaning back in my chair, I told her, “I think it’s got something to do with my heritage. I love Italian food. It’s my favorite.”

She smiled harder. I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that I was slowly giving her information about myself. “Okay, then. I’ll remember that,” she uttered.

Hand-in-hand, we walked all over, mostly in silence, but every now and then explaining to the other what places we liked and why.

I found out that Lexi loves Mexican food. The spicier the better. She also told me that she made a mean cocoa, as long as I didn’t mind a lot of booze in it. She mentioned her brother, which held my attention. She said he was a great brother and was extremely protective. When I asked where he was, she pulled her emotions back inside of her and told me blankly that she hadn’t spoken to him in a while, but the last time she checked, he was back in the US.

It made my chest ache for her.

The funny thing was that even though I knew everything she was telling me, it sounded like brand new information coming from her mouth. Like the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about her friends, Nikki and Dave.

Nikki and Lexi were roommates in University. Dave happened to attend the same University and worked at the campus coffee shop. Dave being gay was hassled on a daily basis, and one day spilled coffee on a male customer. Not thinking, Dave grabbed a handful of napkins, and apologizing, started to wipe the coffee off the customer. That was when the customer called Dave a faggot, knocked him to the ground, and started laying into him. Lexi and Nikki watched in horror for all of ten seconds before they took their book bags to the man and managed to knock him out cold. Smiling, she explained, “We were arrested, but the charges were dropped. Dave came to visit us the next day in our dorm, and started the conversation with ‘well, aren’t you all just a bunch of crazy bitches!’” She laughed openly, “And we’ve been friends ever since, even though Nikki and Dave have this stupid rivalry going on.”