After (After 1)

“Hey, Tessa,” he says.

“Hey, Logan. How are you?” I ask politely.

“I’m good, you coming tonight?”

“To the bonfire?”

“No, the party. The bonfire is going to be lame, it always is.”

“Oh well, I’m going to the bonfire.” I laugh lightly and he chuckles.

“Well, if you get bored, you can always stop by,” he says and grabs his coffee.

I thank him as he walks away, relieved that Hardin’s group seems uninterested in the bonfire, which means I won’t have to deal with any of them tonight.

When it’s time for Literature, I walk right to my seat without a single glance in Hardin’s direction. The discussion continues on Wuthering Heights, but Hardin stays silent. As soon as we are dismissed, I gather my things and practically bolt to the door.

“Tessa!” I hear Hardin call behind me, but I just walk faster. Without Landon here I feel more vulnerable. When I reach the sidewalk, I feel a light touch on my arm. I know it’s him from the way my skin tingles.

“What!” I shout.

He takes a step back and holds out a notebook. “You dropped this.”

Relief and disappointment battle inside me. I wish this ache in my chest would go away. Instead of shrinking, it seems to get larger every moment of every day. I shouldn’t have admitted to myself that I love him—if I would have kept ignoring the truth, maybe it would hurt less.

“Oh, thanks,” I mumble and grab the notebook from him. His eyes catch mine and we just stare at one another until after a few seconds I remember that we are standing on a crowded sidewalk and I look around at everyone passing by us. Hardin shakes his hair out and pushes it back before he turns and walks away.

I HEAD TO MY CAR and drive straight to Landon’s. I wasn’t going to go until five; it’s only three, but I can’t sit alone in my room. I really have gone mental since Hardin came into my life.

When I arrive, Karen answers the door with a huge smile and invites me in.

“It’s only me here right now. Dakota and Landon are at the store fetching a few things for me,” she says as she brings me into the kitchen.

“That’s okay, sorry for coming so early.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry. You can help me cook!” She hands me a cutting board and a few onions and potatoes to chop and we talk about the weather and the upcoming winter.

“Tessa, did you still want to help me get the greenhouse going? It’s climate controlled, so we don’t have to worry about the winter.”

“Yes, of course! I would love to.”

“Great, maybe tomorrow? Next weekend I will be a little busy,” she jokes.

Her wedding. I’d almost forgotten. I try to smile back at her. “Yeah, I’d say so.” I wish I could’ve gotten Hardin to agree to go, but it was impossible then and it’s even more impossible now.

Karen puts the chicken in the oven and gathers plates and silverware so we can set the table. “Is Hardin coming to dinner tonight?” she asks as we start laying things out. She’s clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but I can see she’s a little nervous about the question.

“No, he won’t be coming,” I tell her and look down.

She stops what she’s doing. “Are you guys okay? I don’t mean to be nosy.”

“That’s all right.” I might as well tell her. “I don’t think we’re okay.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought. But I know it’s really hard to be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings.”

This line of conversation makes me feel a little weird. I can’t even talk to my own mother about stuff like this, but something about Karen’s openness makes me more able to discuss this sort of thing. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t know Hardin as well as I wish I did, but I know he is very closed off emotionally. Ken used to stay awake nights worrying about him. He has always been an unhappy child.” Her eyes go glossy. “He wouldn’t even tell his mom he loved her.”

“What?” I say again.

“He just won’t say it. I am not sure why. Ken can’t recall a single time when Hardin said he loved either of them. It’s truly sad, not only for Ken, but for Hardin as well.” She blots her eyes.

For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even his own parents, that he loves them, he sure was quick to use the words against me in a hateful way. “He is . . . He’s very difficult to understand,” is all I can think to say.

“Yes, yes, he is. But, Tessa, I hope you’ll still come around even if you two don’t work things out.”

“Of course,” I tell her.

PERHAPS SENSING MY MOOD, Karen switches to talk of the greenhouse while we wait for the food to finish cooking and then put everything out on the table. Midway through a sentence, Karen stops and puts on a wide smile. I turn to find Landon walking into the kitchen followed by a beautiful girl with curly hair. I knew she would be gorgeous, but she is even more so than I could have imagined.

“Hi, you must be Tessa,” she says even as Landon opens his mouth to introduce us. She immediately comes over and hugs me, and I immediately like her.

“Dakota, I have heard so much about you—it’s nice to finally meet you!” I say, and she smiles. Landon’s eyes follow her as she walks past and hugs Karen, then takes a seat at the counter.

“We passed Ken on our way here. He was getting gas, so he should be here any minute,” Landon tells his mom.