A Billionaire for Christmas

Jesse and I laugh as we leave the Kraken in the dust. Then we settle back into the seats and breathe a sigh of relief.

“Well,” the driver says. I glance up at the rearview to meet her gaze. “I’m gonna need all three hundred of those dollars now. Because I’m pretty sure Karen is already asking to speak to my manager and I’ll have an outrageous one-star review before this night is over.”

Jesse and I both say, “Done.”At the airport, Jesse gives her all his cash, we thank her and apologize to her simultaneously and profusely, and then we realize he left the wheelie carry-on in Karen’s backyard.

“It’s fine.” Jesse laughs, taking my hand as we make our way through the check-in for the private jets. “We’re only going to be in Vegas like six hours. We don’t even need toothbrushes.”

And pretty soon we’re climbing the airstairs to the jet and Miles is making everything better. He even changed back into his butler outfit.

“Miles,” I say, tsking my tongue. “You didn’t have to change.”

“Ma’am, I take my job very seriously. Looking the part makes me a better butler. Mr. Boston, will you require some Barbie and Ken mini rolls during our trip?”

“Nah, I’m good, Miles. Take the night off. In fact, you can have the bedroom if you want. We’ll just sleep in our seats.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Miles snaps back. “And I already have your sleeping clothes laid out for you.”

“We have sleeping clothes?” Jesse asks.

“I procured them from the jet lounge concierge while we were fueling up.”

Jesse smiles at me. “I love your butler.”

“Would you like some tips for getting married in Vegas, ma’am?”

“Well…” I look at Jesse and he shrugs. “Sure, I guess. Do you have much experience in Vegas weddings?”

“I’ve done it twice myself,” Miles says with a straight face.

Jesse leans forward and pats the seat across from us. “Sit, Miles. You’re off the clock. Tell us everything you know about getting hitched in Vegas.”

So Miles sits and starts talking.

He tells us all about our options, and who knew that the drive-through wedding isn’t even the most outrageous way to tie the knot in Vegas?

You can get married while sky-diving. “If you book online, they give you the tourist package. But if you know who to talk to, they will recite your actual nuptials fourteen thousand feet in the air. It’s a tandem jump,” he explains. “But they will give you mic-enabled helmets and situate you so that you and Jesse can hold hands and say ‘I do’ while you fall towards Earth going two hundred feet per second.”

“Wow,” Jesse says. Then he looks at me. “That’s pretty outrageous.”

“What else can we do?” I ask, not sold on the whole falling-from-the-sky wedding.

“There’s always the underwater wedding.”

“Oh, shit!” Jesse points to Miles and snaps his fingers. “That’s perfect!” He looks at me, excited like a kid at Christmas. “Right? Dumas Diving! Vegas style!”

“That would really piss my mother off.” I snicker. “But what else? Because getting married underwater sounds like something my mother might actually be into.”

“There’s the Elvis wedding, of course. With optional showgirls as bridesmaids. I did that once when I married John.”

“John, huh?” I wink at Miles. “Who was the other guy?”

“The other one was Cynthia. She was an actual showgirl, and since her life was nothing but glitz and glam from top to bottom, she wanted something more traditional. So we did the skydive.”

“John and Cynthia,” Jesse muses. “You’re an enigma, Miles.”

“That I am, sir. But there are many other ways to do a Vegas wedding right. You can even have a real ceremony in one of the five-star hotels.”

“Doesn’t that require things like… planning?” Jesse asks. “I mean, I’m sure they’re all booked up. It is Christmas Eve.”

“I have connections, sir,” Miles says. And he’s not even smug about it. Just very matter-of-fact. I have connections.

“Wow,” I say. “I don’t know. There seems to be a lot of choices.”

“Which is good, right?” Jesse says. “We want all the choices. Isn’t that what you were talking about earlier? You want to pick the dress, and the flowers, and the cake and all that shit.”

“Yeah.”

“So…” Jesse looks at Miles. “We want that. All the choices.”

“Very well, sir. I have a man called Fingers. He’s the most sought-after wedding planner in Vegas, ten years running. He plans very unique, custom-tailored wedding experiences. And he owes me a favor. So I’m sure he will be happy to help.”

“Fingers, huh?” Jesse chuckles. “Any relation to Shoes?”

“None, sir.”

“OK.” Jesse looks at me. “What do you say? Should we go with Fingers and let him make the plans?”

“Why not?” I laugh. “Seems very Vegas to have a man called Fingers planning your outrageous on-the-run elopement.”Chapter NineMiles insists that we change into our silky new PJs and take the jet bedroom while he makes some phone calls to Fingers, assuring us that everything will be all set by the time we land.