I could fill in the blanks. With Pop’s truck in the driveway, and in this weather, there weren’t many places I’d go on foot.
I took a drag from my smoke and just watched him.
Even though I was antsy to find out how things had gone, he was here now, and it gave me patience.
No, it was more than that. ’Cause this was what it boiled down to. The world could erupt in chaos; there could be war, famine, and whatever the fuck. In the end, whether my mind was at peace or not was up to Reese. That was the power he had.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, Riv. About waiting up…” He stepped into the water, wearing only his boxers. “It was a dick move.” He went under for a quick second and resurfaced to push back his hair.
I lifted a shoulder and took another pull from the cigarette. “Don’t mean it ain’t true.”
“Right. But there are things I can’t handle without you either, so I can’t really talk.” He stayed near the center of the pool and ghosted his palms along the surface. “Did you have anything for dinner? I didn’t see any plates in the sink when I got home.”
That was his thing. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I couldn’t sleep or fucking breathe without him, and he had this need to make sure I ate. I was so goddamn lost.
“I had six donuts,” I said.
He shot me an annoyed look. “The hell is wrong with you?”
I lifted a brow. “Don’t overreact.”
That seemed to piss him off. “How would you feel if I said you overreacted by demanding I sleep next to you every night?”
I felt my forehead crease, and I took a final drag before putting out the smoke in the bottle cap. “That doesn’t compare, Reese.”
“Then you don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about,” he answered grimly.
Maybe I didn’t…?
“Explain it to me,” I requested.
He blew out a breath and gestured to the bottle, and I handed it over to him.
“I don’t know why I obsess over it,” he said. “To an extent, I mean. Because—fuck, if we don’t leave for school at the same time in the mornin’—if I don’t know what you’re bringing for lunch or if you’ve had breakfast, my ability to concentrate goes straight down the crapper.” He paused to chug from the bottle. Then he winced and rubbed at his sternum. “You wanna know why I’ve been struggling with my grades this semester? That’s why. Partly anyway. I’m constantly worried you’re not takin’ care of yourself. And the thing is, I know you’re not!”
“Easy,” I cautioned. No need to make his voice echo.
He shook his head and took another swallow of whiskey. “You don’t get it. Or—you actually do. You just don’t think they compare. But that pressure you feel in your chest when I’m not next to you at night? The restlessness and your mind playin’ tricks on you, making mountains outta molehills? It’s exactly how I feel when I can’t look after you.”
Damn. I was at a complete loss.
I hated that feeling with every fiber of my being, and I didn’t want him to go through that.
“Six donuts,” he scoffed against the bottle. After one more swig, he returned it to me.
I took one too, then placed it behind me.
I felt bad. I had to reassure him.
“I do eat breakfast every morning,” I told him. “And we eat together in the cafeteria most days.”
“It has to be me, River,” he argued tiredly. Suddenly, he looked a decade older. An aura of exhaustion was rolling off his shoulders, and it pained me more than I thought it could. “Just like you can’t replace me with a pillow or another person, I can’t…” He released a breath and dropped his chin to his chest.
Warning bells went off in my head, and instinct told me to rush to his side. I was out of my seat before I even registered it, and I stopped right in front of him.
“I wish I’d known sooner.” I lifted his chin and met his tired gaze. Those same green eyes that I had. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The vulnerability faded to give way to a spark of resentment. “Because everything we do is evidently wrong,” he whispered angrily.
I fucking knew it.
He’d been holding back too.
A strong buzz flowed through my body and pushed me to take charge. He’d already come to me. He was here, and he was right on the brink. He just needed me to take the next step.
“We’ve talked about this.” I brushed away some water on his shoulder. “Fuck what everyone else thinks. I’m done. We’re not hurtin’ anyone.”
He swallowed hard, and his jaw ticked. “It feels like you’re talking about more than… I don’t know. My head’s fucked.”
“Join the club.” I took a step closer and peered down between us. “I am talking about more than us sharing a bed and you worrying about me, though.” We were fucking hot together. His cut abs near mine, his reactions to my touch, the constant push and pull, his chest falling and rising an inch away from my own. “Reese, I have no intention of advertising anything to the world—what we do is our business alone—but I’m done with boundaries.” I lifted my gaze to meet his again and saw the understanding dawning on him. “I’m as tired as you are,” I admitted. “I’m tired of listening to others when we could be listening to each other. I’m tired of not being able to…” I lost my words when he closed the last distance and rested his forehead to mine and slipped a hand to my hip.