He Made Me Stay
I want to kiss them again, I realize.
Next time, I want to part them with my own lips and taste his tongue to see if it’s like I imagine. I want to dive my fingers into his silky, bouncy hair and hold him to me. I want to run my fingertips over his hard abs and then through his trail of dark hair. I want to do a whole lot.
There’s no time.
My time ran out.
All I have is today because tomorrow is my date with Julian.
“Mom says people can’t help falling in love with me,” Kit says, his green-blue eyes twinkling. “She calls it the Strong Force.”
“Like in physics? The strong nuclear force?”
He laughs, his smile widening. “That’s right, quark.”
I try to run through what we’ve learned about it from Mr. Halston. In a nutshell, the strong force holds the nucleus together.
I’ve been splitting off and drifting in a million different directions since my brother wrapped his car around a tree. He wasn’t even supposed to be at the senior prom, but an older girl asked him to be her date. After he dropped her off, he was run off the road and hit a tree.
A drunk driver.
My brother, on prom night, wasn’t even drinking.
Another person’s mistake took my twin from me.
“Let’s go,” Kit says, unlocking the stall door.
On impulse, I reach for his hand, my fingers grasping onto his like a lifeline. I feel if he leaves me alone in this stall, I’ll finish what I wanted to start this morning. His touch is warm and comforting. I forgot what it felt like to crave another person’s touch.
His fingers thread with mine as he tugs me from the stall. I get caught up in his sunny apple scent and incessant chattering. Behind me, I leave the grief where it belongs. Alone in that stall. I’ve been haunted by the sadness for so many months that it feels relieving to untether from it. The weight that drags me under is gone. I’m floating. A balloon of lighter emotions as Kit tugs me along.
We make it into the lunchroom. The chaos pops my balloon of slight happiness, sending me deflating quickly. Kit squeezes my hand as though he knows.
I’m supposed to take him under my wing.
To look after him so he won’t get picked on.
Do the Julian thing and be a hero.
Turns out, Kit reversed the roles on me.
He’s taking care of me and I absolutely don’t know what to do about it.JasperHe’s so…interesting.
His mouth moves so quickly, I can barely keep up. I’ve learned his father is a microbiologist and the reason for their move. His team is studying a new species of organisms discovered on Mountain Grand Lake. His mother is a pediatric surgeon. He has four siblings, all younger. At his old school, he ran track, was on the debate team, and was in student council. When he graduates high school, he wants to go to college to study engineering because he wants to become an astronaut.
“Mom says it’s impossible. That I should become a scientist like Dad or a doctor like her.” His pink, pink strawberry lips pout out, reminding me of our quick kiss in the bathroom. “They think because of my disease, I can’t do it.”
“Can you?”
He shrugs. “Technically, you have to be in optimal health, which I’m not. But I’m only eighteen. I figure by the time I finish my endless amounts of education, there will be great strides taken for Type 1 diabetes. And then it’s off to Mars.” His grin is infectious, though a twinge of sadness pinches at my heart.
I can’t imagine wanting to do something but being physically unable. I’ve always taken my health for granted. Julian did too.
“What about you?” he asks. “What’s your future?”
A cold sense of dread washes over me. I wasn’t supposed to make it to lunch, much less ten years from now. Sure, once upon a time, I had dreams, but they turned into nightmares when I lost my brother. Then, they faded into nothing. A black void where my life ahead of me lies.
“I don’t know.”
His eyes narrow, unpeeling me layer by layer. “Everyone knows what they love. I love mysteries and science and the great unknown. I want to explore and learn. When you were a little kid, what did you tell everyone you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Julian wanted to be a policeman.
It was the only time we didn’t want to do things together. The thought of driving around town pulling people over was boring to me.
“A music teacher,” I admit, heat flooding to my neck and cheeks.
“You like music?” His green eyes light up and his teeth glint behind his smile.
“I love it.”
“So you want to teach it?”
“Back then I did. I like learning about it. Kind of like you and space, I guess. I like understanding the notes and beats. Reading beyond the lyrics. Seeing poetry in musical notes and bars. It’s kind of like science, I suppose. I’m interested in the mechanics of it.”