Best of 2017

"I had no right?"

His voice is deceptively soft. And for a moment, I think that I am safe. That it's going to be okay. Until he reaches out and catches me by the chin, arresting my face in his unyielding hand.

"I have every right," he thunders. "You belong to me!"

My lungs fight for air when he drags me closer, the pulse in my neck beating a wild staccato against my delicate skin. Javi sees it. He sees everything. And he likes what he sees.

He likes to taste my fear.

But it isn’t just fear anymore. It’s something else too. A force of nature that can’t be contained. It’s a thrill. An adrenaline rush. A rollercoaster of want and need and hate and revulsion.

His breath whispers over my lips as he leans into my face. And I am not the only one at odds with my feelings. Javi is walking a razor’s edge of control, his eyes swinging from destruction to obsession and back again. I never know which side of him will win. So I remain still and quiet, waiting for the storm to pass.

His fingers drift over my face. Soft and gentle and full of reverence. I don't understand.

What's more, I don't understand my response to him. He has conditioned me to accept his touch so freely. Not only do I accept it, but I find solace in it. Pleasure, even.

“I told you to be a good girl,” he says. “I warned you.”

“I’m sorry.”

"Just one taste," Javi whispers to himself. "Just one."

He kisses me.

It shocks me back to life before I die all over again in his arms. I can’t grasp what's happening. He’s never kissed me before. And it feels so different. His lips are soft and warm until they aren't.

When my lips part, his tongue invades and conquers. He drinks me in. He nourishes his obsession. And he devours me. What started as a simple taste now feels like he is taking a part of my soul. His arms hold me prisoner so he can take from me what he wants.

He doesn’t need to. Not anymore. Not when I am giving myself freely. Not when I am kissing him back. Drinking him in and nourishing my psychosis.

Without warning, he pulls away. Breathless, we stare at each other. Feverish cravings ignite the air between us. I thirst for him, still. And he hungers for me. But Javi can’t and won’t admit it.

The want in his eyes burns out, and malevolent storm clouds roll in. This is always the way with him. He reels me in and tosses me away.

I can’t figure out what he wants from one minute to the next. Everything is a minefield, and I don’t have the strength left to navigate.

I’m shaking my head already. Begging him not to do this. But my pleas fall on deaf ears. He drags me from the room. I dig my heels into the floor. I fight back this time. But it’s futile.

He takes me to another part of the house. Cold and isolated. And in this room, there is nothing more than a wire cage.

I cling to his sweatshirt when he tries to push me away.

“Please, Javi. Please no. I will do anything. Anything you want. Please don’t do this.”

He smiles beneath the shadow of the hood, and his lips are cruel.

“Good, sweet Bella. Because this is what I want.”

He shoves me into the cage- big enough for a dog- and engages the lock on the door before I can resist any further.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask through my tears. “Why? My father loved you! He did everything for you.”

This is the wrong thing to say.And I never could have known the impact of this statement. I never could have known what it would provoke in him.

His fist shoots through the wire slot and wraps around my throat without warning. And this time, it is not a game.

He is choking me. Watching the light dim from my eyes as I scratch at his hands. I think this is really it. This is how I will die. I never saw it coming. My hands fall limp at my sides, and I lose the will to fight. Only then does he release me. Rattling the cage with his fists and growling into my face.

I scamper back into the corner and curl into myself, unexpectedly grateful for the lock that separates us.

“He did everything for me?” he roars. “And this is why you are here, beauty. Because you are blind to the real monsters. The ones you’ve lived with all your life.”

Tears track down my face as I shake my head in refusal. Denial.

“My father is a good man.”

“Is?” Javi mocks. “How hopeful of you to believe his heart still beats.”

“Was it you?” I accuse. “Did you kill him?”

He laughs, and it is callous.

“If I had killed him, Bella, you would know. For I would have delivered him back to you in pieces.”

Now it is me who is unhinged. I grip the wire of the cage and rattle it as I scream into his face.

“I hate you!”

“Good,” he replies. “That hatred will serve you well, my sweet. That hatred will be the only thing you have left when I am finished with you.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LUKE IS LOOKING FOR HER. Making problems that I don't have the patience to deal with. So when I go to her today, it is with this simple request in mind.

I hand her the pen and paper and wait while she looks up at me. Half-timid, half curious. She should be afraid of me.

She should be terrified. So long as she fears me... so long as she knows I am a monster, then we will be alright. I won’t lose control.

I won’t forget.

"What is this?" she asks.

"A letter," I tell her. "To Luke. Tell him you are done. With all of it."

Her face pales, and her fingers tighten around the paper.

"You can't honestly think this is going to work," she says. "Javi, there are more people out there. More than just Luke will notice I've gone missing."

She's lying, and I know she's lying.

When I discovered that Ray had a daughter, I knew I had to see her. I had to know who she was. I had to know everything. And from the second I first glimpsed her, I have watched her.

She was only sixteen then. Ray was already leaving her home to fend for herself while he went out into the world to do evil.

It was foolish of him. He had so many enemies, and any one of them could have taken her. But they would not. I made sure of that. Because from the moment I saw her face, I knew she would be mine. Mine to keep. Mine to play with.

I've watched her for so long. I know everything about her, and this includes who she keeps company with.

She is lonely. Surrounded by people, but still alone. Using her books to keep her company. Using her songs to make sense of the darkness inside of her head.

This has always been her way. She never fit in with the rest of society. She was never like them. She has always been an outsider.

Like me.

She only has Art now. Which she reminds me of in the next sentence.

"Art checks in with me weekly."

"I know."

She's quiet. And I am glad she does not try to lie to me again.

"If I do this," she says. "If I write this letter, will you let me out of the cage?"

"Do you not like it in here?"

She stares up at me, blank.

"Please, Javi."

Now it is me who is quiet because I do not know what to do. The answer should be simple. Always no. Never give her what she wants.

But she looks so lovely like this. Naked and filthy and mine. Her breath soft and her voice sweet and her nipples hard every time she sees me.

I want to reward her.

And it is a dangerous want to have. She is poisoning me. Making me forget.

"I just need something else to do," she says. "To keep me busy. Let me help you. Cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry. I can do those things."

She is trying to trick me. Just like he did. And now she does not look sweet. So perhaps I can be agreeable after all.

"You want out, sweet Bella?"

"Yes," she answers quickly.

"Then be honest about your f

ather. About the kind of man he was. Tell me you are glad he is dead. Tell me that the world is a better place without him."

Her mouth falls open, and revulsion darkens her delicate features. It does not give me as much satisfaction as I had hoped.

"How could you say that to me?"