Best of 2017

“I mean, I heard she was leaving town unless you stop wallowing in your self-imposed misery and put an end to this breakup.”

Panic sunk in at the thought of knowing Quinn would leave Los Angeles. “Have you forgotten that she used me? She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t love me. She wants what every other fucking person wants in this town. Fame or drugs.” Saying the words stung.

“Ah, for Christ’s sake, you have got to be kidding me! You know damn well that she loves you.” Teddy placed cash for the tip on the table as new drinks arrived. “Let me tell you something about Quinn. She loves you, she’s hurting, and she’s scared. She’s also unsure what to do and won’t make the first move tonight. She knows you are here. But you all but slammed the door repeatedly in her face. Go up to her and make it right again. You are being a real asshole.”

“It can’t be right. It’s fucked, and the only good that came out of this whole mess is she at least gets to be an author of a book… at my expense.”

Teddy shook his head. “I don’t agree. She messed up. No doubt about that. But she gave you everything. She committed to you and everything you are. I truly believe she’d give up the book idea if it meant keeping you. But let’s face it, man. You aren’t doing a real good job at fighting for her.”

I looked down at my beer for a few moments before answering, “I guess you’re right. I really fucked things up.”

“You have to fight for what you want. You have to make her know that you will never just let her walk away. She needs to know you will always fight for the relationship.” Teddy shrugged. “That’s my advice at least, for what it’s worth.”

I nodded as I contemplated what Teddy told me.

“If you love her like you say you do, then you better get over there and convince her that you two are solid,” Teddy added.

“I do love her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“Wanted or want?” Teddy raised an eyebrow in question.

I smirked back. “Want. I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her. But then, I’m not sure if I can ever trust her again. I’m still so fucking pissed!”

Teddy tilted his glass towards me and replied, “Well, I guess you better work through those feelings. She’s worth it, dude.”

I frowned, sitting up straighter, intently trying not to act bothered. I should have known that to think being in the same room with Quinn wouldn’t bother me was dumb. Pain stabbed at my heart, and sucker punched me in the gut.

Switching my attention to the bar, my internal angst increased as I watched her frantically make drinks for the crowd. She seemed more frazzled than normal. No doubt she knew I was in the club.

Quinn turned around enough so I could see her, the ends of her perfectly shaped mouth curled upward, and I felt like a steam engine had slammed straight into my soul. My gaze trailed over her heart-shaped face, her satin-smooth and rich honey-colored skin, her doe-shaped eyes before settling back on her mouth. Lush, now only one corner curled up, lending her an innocent yet somehow slightly wicked look. It was the same mouth, the same look that had haunted my memories for the past few days. I missed her so much. No matter how hard I tried, I’d never be able to get her out of my mind.

QUINN

AXEL WAS IN THE CLUB.

I closed my eyes briefly, my heartbeat ricocheting a staccato beat against my chest. It felt more powerful than the bass of the speakers only a few feet away. Tears burned the back of my eyes as I tried not to stare at the one man, and the only person, I’d ever loved.

The same man who wanted nothing to do with me.

I tried to swallow down the instant swell of emotions as I finished my shift. I was done for the night. In the past, I would have walked over to Axel and spent the rest of the night with him. But things had changed.

“You don’t have a shot with him anymore. So you might as well leave.” I jumped at the venomous voice behind me. I turned around to see Jillian standing with her hands on her hips. She had rage in her eyes and looked like she planned to pounce. She was obviously high on something as well.

“I’m not in the mood, Jillian. Leave me alone.”

“You’re not welcome here. You intended on using Axel from the very beginning, didn’t you? You’re nothing but a lying slut,” Jillian spat.

“This is none of your business.” I took a deep breath to calm my temper. I tried to see the situation through Jillian’s eyes. To Jillian, and everyone else, I was the villain. I had to remember that.

“Listen, I didn’t mean to hurt Axel.”

Jillian shoved her finger into my chest. “You are nobody. You don’t deserve Axel, and you sure as hell don’t deserve even the slightest bit of attention. I see your game.”

Her comment stung. I no longer could contain my anger. I looked her straight in the eye. “No, Jillian, you are the whore. You will do anything, and I mean anything, for fame. You are nothing but a dirty, used-up woman who will never find happiness.”

“You fucking bitch!” Jillian shrieked.

She charged at me and grabbed a chunk of my hair and rammed my head against the wall. I saw stars and my vision distorted, but I didn’t feel any real pain. I was stunned by the attack. Who was this crazy?

She continued her assault by attempting to hit and punch my face. For the most part, I did a good job blocking her flailing hands. Everything happened so fast, and I was still stunned from having my head bashed against the wall; I wasn’t really sure what happened around me. I realized I needed to fight back. It wasn’t my style, but I had no choice.

I reached for the back of her hair and grabbed an entire fistful. I yanked her head back as far as it could go without snapping her neck. “Listen, you fucked up whack job,” I yanked her hair even harder, “you stay away from me. You have been trying to fuck with me since the day I got with Axel. I’m over your fucking crazy!” I yanked Jillian’s head, causing her to release a scream of shock mixed with pain. I hated that I had to be so violent, but did I really have another option? The girl was insane.

And the truth of the matter was I was fucked up. I was fucked up in so many ways that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. This wasn’t the woman I was. I would have never been this… dark, mean, low, and fucked.

Jillian’s scream caught everyone’s attention nearby. All eyes nearby now cast in our direction. I glanced over to where Axel sat. I felt instantly grateful the loud club music concealed what was going on. Axel had no idea what was happening. I released Jillian’s hair and returned her glare.

She reached for her head and tried to rub out the sting. “You don’t know who you are messing with. I could have you fired for this. Hell, I could have you banned from every club in this town.”

My rage exploded. “Do you think I fucking care? You have no power over me, because I don’t give a fuck about much right now. Stay the hell away from me or else.” I got right into Jillian’s face, challenging her to push me past my very fragile limit.

I quickly glanced in the security guard’s direction. He was approaching the crowd, getting ready to break up the fight. He surprised me when he gave me a small nod of approval, letting me know he was on my side and backing my decision to give Jillian a taste of her own venom.

Jillian leaned in and spat, “Fuck you! What are you going to do?”

The woman really was insane. Hell… I was insane.

I pulled my arm back, and, with as much force as I could muster, I brought my closed fist to the side of Jillian’s face. The punch caused her to stumble back against the wall behind her.

I ignored the shooting pain working its way through my hand. “When you start something with me, you better damn sure be prepared to finish it.”

I then grabbed her hair once again and rammed her head into the wall she was up against. “You stay away from me.”

Jillian crumpled to the floor and looked up at me in disbelief. “Wait until I am done with you!” she screamed.

I took a deep, calming

breath. I was out of control. “Do your best.” I turned as fast as I could, not being able to take her any longer. I should have walked away before and hated myself for my actions. I was just as fucked as she was.

The fight was over, and even though I had lost control, I felt great. I was happy Axel didn’t witness my temper because I was sure it didn’t show me in the best light. But it was about time Jillian got taught a thing or two. And frankly, I had nothing left to lose. Who gives a fuck?

Getting ready to leave, my eyes locked with Axel’s. For a long moment, we simply stared at one another, the days spent apart falling away as though they’d never happened.

Axel’s face seemed to soften, giving me the courage to approach him. Maybe I was crazy, but I had to try. I had to talk and explain. I would apologize a thousand times if that’s what it took. I missed and loved Axel more than I thought possible.

“Now’s not the time, Quinn,” Axel said, his voice barely heard over the music.