Super Secret Santa

I was glad I had called my mom to learn this information, even though I was still mad at her for reading my journal. At least it let me fit a piece of the puzzle together, as I had been wondering about that quite a bit.

“So, you really like Becca? Are you willing to change for her?” Mom asked me. “I read the papers, son, and I know you aren’t a model citizen when it comes to dating women. And I guess I should say I’m using the word ‘dating’ lightly.”

If I weren’t such a tough guy I would have blushed. Instead, I rolled my eyes, embarrassed that my mom had to know about my sex life and ways. Or prior sex life and ways, of course.

“Mom, if I wouldn’t have lost Becca in high school, I wouldn’t have become who I am now. I was probably too immature back them to recognize it and would have done some stupid thing to blow it. But now I see it, after these years have passed and I’ve been forced to grow up some. She’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Oh, Neil. I’m so glad to hear you say that. You know I had your father and always wanted you to be able to experience a similar kind of love… ”

She trailed off and I knew she had probably started to cry but didn’t want me to hear her.

“Mom. I know. I’m sorry to burden you over your holiday. I bet the weather is perfect.”

“Never mind that. What I wanted to say is, if she’s the love of your life, don’t you dare give her up without a fight.”

“I’m trying. Trust me.”

“So how old is her son? Mark, you said his name was?”

I could see her already picturing grandkids around the house. Good Lord. I needed to talk to some friends about this. I appreciated her help but thought I had gone a bit overboard in sharing private information with her.

“Mom. Stop. I gotta go and fix this. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay, Son. Good luck. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mom. Thanks for knocking some sense into me.”

Not matter how embarrassing it might be to have to hear.Chapter 11BeccaAngela and I were out at the mall with the boys. Angela had a couple returns to make, of Christmas presents that didn’t fit or weren’t needed, and she had talked me into coming out with her to get my mind off things, and to give the boys some fun before school started back up next week.

Currently, the boys were visible, but playing in the Electronics department where two big screens were set up in front of an Xbox and Play Station, with the newest, trendy games on display. There was a single teenager enjoying the Play Station, but David and Mark were watching the two pre-teen boys playing the Xbox.

The graphics were incredible, but the game was obviously rather violent, with the avatars using guns and swords to kill and decapitate zombies. Even the blood looked real. More real than some bad horror movies I watched growing up.

While I watched the screen distractedly and thought about pulling Mark away, while knowing that he probably played much worse himself when he was over at Donna’s house, I listened to Angela lecture me on the importance of communication.

“Didn’t you just spend almost a decade not talking to Neil due to some miscommunication? Are you really going to just give him up again without even knowing why? What is wrong with you?”

Angela may have been being harsh, but she right, of course. And I needed some of her tough love right about now, even though I hated to admit it.

“I just don’t know if I have it in me to put myself out there and get hurt,” I confessed. “It hurt enough losing James. Maybe I didn’t love him, but I had to watch Mark lose his father.”

“Yeah, but Neil is the one though, Bec. Neil is the one,” she repeated, as if for emphasis. “I can tell. You might as well have his name tattooed on your forehead. And it was the same for him. Even in the Santa suit, I saw it in his eyes. The impact seeing you had on him.”

“You know, Ang. It’s because of you that I even know of his rep, and all the drinking. The women.”

“I told you. That doesn’t have to mean a thing. People do crazy things when they’re lost, and nothing holds their interest. What if Neil pined for you in high school and never recovered? I would never suggest any woman stay with a cheater, but there is no evidence of behavior like that. Neil has never been with anyone in a serious relationship to step out on that I know of. Even this high school girlfriend you mentioned…”