Mirror of My Soul (Nature of Desire 4)

“A person’s actions are not black and white. ”

“Wrong is wrong. There are extenuating circumstances, but this is a world that takes extenuating circumstances to such extremes that we’ve turning them into kindling for a sacrificial fire. And we’re feeding our innocents into it, one soul at a time. You think his extenuating circumstances make it acceptable to push drugs onto children, turn Aleksia into a crack whore that would perform a blowjob on her own brother for the next fix? You think I of all people have any sympathy for that scum’s extenuating circumstances?”

Komal nodded, closed her eyes. “I’m not here to engage in a moral argument with you. I just worry that you think you’re like the person standing in front of the tank at Tieneman Square. Except maybe you’re not there just for the cause, but for the hope that tank will roll forward and over you. That if people live up to your expectations and are savage, brutal, you have nothing of hope worth staying in the world for. ” She took her hands away, touched Marguerite’s chin, amazed at how tall her girl had gotten over the years. “And maybe that’s why you’re so afraid of Tyler. Up until you met him, you could have lived or died any given day and it wouldn’t have bothered you. He’s made you want to live. You’re experiencing the same shock and disorientation as a newborn, only in the very self-aware mind of a strong, determined woman. ”

“I don’t need psychoanalysis. ” But there was little bite to the words. Marguerite let the bat swing to the ground, leaned on it as she obviously re-mar

shaled her courtesy.

“Let’s go in, let me get you a cup of tea. ”

Komal nodded. “I’d like that. But let me say this, please. It’s your soul I care about.

You are probably one of the bravest children that came into my care. ” At Marguerite’s startled look, she nodded. “It’s not a light compliment, nor a slur on the other children. I see what you’ve built of your life, what you’re giving to others. I also see you standing before the chance of love. You’re so very courageous. Believe me when I say that the love of a good man is the very last thing you should be running from. I’m afraid, not that he’ll hurt you, but that you won’t believe in yourself enough to take the leap. ” Marguerite looked toward the ground, an obvious attempt to cover the emotions crossing her face, her beautiful pale hair shadowing her features. Unable to help herself, Komal framed that crown in her brown hands, rose on her toes and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Marguerite did not move. Komal held the kiss there through several breaths before she drew back, touching the woman’s hands. Hands now stained with blood from the portion of the bat she held.

“I’ve left my card on your desk. I’d love that cup of tea, but once I leave today please call me for anything. I would be delighted to have you visit me anytime. As a friend or if you need to talk to me professionally. For you I would hang out my shingle again. ” She hesitated. “And just for your information, Tyler looked a bit shaken up after he left my house. I’m sure he’d appreciate hearing from you. We forget that sometimes there is something greater than our pain. That’s the pain of the person who loves us, who couldn’t protect us from that pain. After meeting Tyler Winterman I firmly believe he would sacrifice the world to go back in time and do just that for you. ” She nodded at Marguerite’s stunned expression. “The gun is still underneath the monkey bars. Don’t forget to give that to the police as well. ”

Chapter Six

She sat out in her private garden that night, long into the early hours of the morning. Listening to the birds, watching the fountain gurgle, hoping it would penetrate the buzzing, the roaring force field around her. But it wasn’t the sounds of nature that broke through. Without direction, her mind chose its own compass. It pictured her here with Tyler next to her, his fingers laced with hers, his shoulder handy for her to lay her head.

His smile created a warmth inside her. She recalled the look on his face when she’d exposed her pain, her truths to him. A protective rage. No pity, no revulsion. When he kissed her lips, she felt as though he held her heart in both hands. And she was beginning to believe, just maybe, that there was no safer place for it. That he wanted her, no matter what she could or couldn’t give him.

He hadn’t shared what memories formed his nightmares yet, but as if they’d shared a secret handshake she knew he’d been places where he watched hell become reality.

And he hadn’t turned and run. He’d stood, accepting the blame and the responsibility, and done what he could.

He wanted her. Not just because he’d as much as said it to her but because she felt it whenever she thought of him, saw him.

I’m asking you to think it through. If you accept what we both understood well enough last night, then you come to me. Please come to me.

So she thought about it. Thought about it for two weeks. The tears had loosened up some things inside her, given them room to move around and she wondered at them.

The way her feelings would dance through her chest when she thought about Tyler, bringing a smile to her lips if she let them. His bare heels treading on the cuffs of those loose drawstring pants as he’d moved around his kitchen. His hair when it was disheveled. The way his gaze focused on her when she spoke. The picture Sarah had painted of him sitting on that landing.

How would it feel to sit there with him, her hand in his, two people avoiding their nightmares as they shared a cup of coffee and watched the sun rise? Maybe together they could stave off the nightmares and the morning would be about nothing more than enjoying the beauty of a sunrise, following a night of making love.

“Chloe. ” She spoke through the open door of her office before she could lose her nerve. “Could you pack me up a little gift box for a pot’s worth of the new Ceylon we just got in and some of those lemon bars? I’m headed for the Gulf tonight. ”

“Yes!” She jumped as Chloe and Gen did a high five over the counter. Marguerite leaned forward from her desk to study them.

“The two of you should go out and find a social life of your own, instead of meddling in mine. ”

Gen held up a hand. “Don’t encourage Chloe. She’s dating a biker now who does tattoos and piercings. She wants me to go on a double date. ”

“Maybe we could go out with you and Tyler?” Chloe’s eyes danced. “Interest Tyler in a Prince Albert, maybe?”

“Oh my God. ” Marguerite toed her door closed on a burst of their laughter. She felt an answering chuckle in her stomach, mixed up with something lower, coiling tight with her resolve. She’d decided. She wasn’t turning back. Now it was time to get dressed.

She hadn’t spoken to him directly for those two weeks. He’d called her work number after hours to leave her warm, intimate voice mails, telling her his whereabouts, his schedule from day to day. A short trip to New York, his cell phone number. Back to Tampa for a day or so to work on a project. A party tonight at his house at the Gulf for some industry contacts, a favor for a friend. He was respecting his own rule, the one he’d set when he said goodbye to her on her front steps, not forcing direct contact until she made the first step. And despite his resolve, she’d been warmed to hear the edge of male impatience in his voice as the days passed. She wondered how long her knight would have waited before attempting to storm her castle again. She’d kept all the messages, downloaded them so she could hear his voice on her digital recorder as she lay in bed at night. Let them keep her company in the car as she made the drive to his Gulf home.

When she drove up his driveway, there were about twenty cars there, most of them luxury models. All the lights were on, a welcoming, warm vista. She could easily imagine those elegant cars as a group of carriages a hundred years ago, the same welcoming sense of graciousness projecting from the home, that enduring classiness that Tyler complemented with his own style.

As she got out of the car, she heard the warm chatter of voices and laughter that heralded a party where people were enjoying themselves. From the direction of the sound, it seemed they were outside at the pool house. She imagined that the glass doors had been thrown open so people could wander in and out, enjoy the grounds as they made new friends in an industry where success lay largely in who one knew and impressed. She had no doubt that Tyler had guests here that could turn an aspiring actress’s or screenwriter’s dreams into reality. He’d likely carefully chosen a handful of talents to be here to take advantage of that opportunity. Being invited to such a party would have been enough to make one of those hopefuls spend a month’s salary on the right outfit and agonize over accessories days before the event.

Moments like that were turning points. Most of them went unnoticed as such until they passed into hindsight. But sometimes, like now, the significance of the moment was immediately apparent. Something would change forever when the eyes that mattered fell on you. And in that second the aspiring dreamer knew, in order to give the performance of her life, she couldn’t perform. She had to give a part of herself to her audience and pull them into who she was.

All of Marguerite’s senses were honed for that one person who mattered. As she moved across the lawn, oblivious to the curious looks, the dead physical stop of some of the men she passed, she picked out his voice among the others before she saw him. His polite chuckle. It ran a shiver of pure, hard wanting through her. She actually stopped herself to let her heart rate calm. Goddess, she’d really missed him. She didn’t know if he was an obsession or something more, but she didn’t care. She just needed to be near him, if it was only to sit across a room from him and stare.