Chasing Me (Quinn and James 2)

"Because she wants you, James! She's using the expo to blackmail you, or warp your mind about your art. And you chose to accept it all!"

His jaw clenched. "I was trying to understand. Sort things out. Fuck, Quinn, how do you think it makes me feel to be a liability to you? A fucking noose around your neck? Even Brian saw it, and he warned me away from you."

My mouth fell open. Now he was using Brian as an excuse? "What are you talking about? Why didn't you ever tell me you spoke to Brian?"

"I came to see you the night you got the news about the job. Brian called me into his office, and basically told me you were going places, but I'd bring you down. Said you deserved someone who wouldn't break your heart."

I wanted to throw accusations at him, prove he was lying, but I knew he told the truth. Brian did have other intentions toward me, but instead of being direct, he went through James. Disappointment cut deep. Would I still be able to work with him, knowing he'd tried to break us up? I shook off the thought. I had to concentrate on James right now.

"Is that why you slept with her?" I asked bitterly. "Because you figured you'd fail me anyway, so why not grab a few orgasms with your hot teacher?"

"No! Damnit, Quinn, I love you so fucking much you'll never realize. I texted you I was working late, and Ava came in, and I finally confronted her. Asked why she put me into the expo. We had words, and all of a sudden, she's on me, and I was about to push her away when you walked in."

I choked on my temper. "She was kissing you, James! Her mouth on yours! I bet there was plenty of time to stop her, or not let her get near you, but you didn't. I saw it!"

He took a step forward, his hands out in a plea. "Quinn, the truth is, for one moment I wondered if I should let you go. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm gonna fuck up your life. Look at you! You're graduating, with a full-time job, and you're on the road to a successful life. I can't even get through art school, and I'm a trust-fund baby with no skills. Your father hates me. My parents called and let me know I'm an embarrassment to the family because I'm serving fucking coffee to my millionaire friends. I feel like I'm always chasing myself. I'm a loser!"

"You are not a loser!" I screamed at him. "You're the man I loved, but you did the same thing you did in Key West when you accused me of cheating. You took the easy way, letting yourself believe you weren't worthy of me, like I'm some kind of fucking saint! I thought you changed. I thought you believed in us."

My voice broke, along with my heart, and I watched him lose it. He threw back his head and yelled a bunch of curse words, as if he realized we were dying right in front of him and there was nothing left to do. My eyes filled with tears, and I was breaking in two, looking at the man who held my heart and had stomped on it because he'd given up.

"I didn't kiss her back."

Red hazed my vision. I was reminded of all those weak excuses men used when caught cheating. She didn't mean anything. I was drunk. I never had sex with that woman. "You didn't push her away!" I choked out. "She was right there, pressed against your dick, her lips near yours. Why didn't you push her away?"

"I froze, Quinn! I kept thinking I was going crazy. She was my teacher, and the key to getting into the expo, which I wanted so fucking bad I didn't realize what she was doing. When she came over to me, I went into shock!"

We breathed hard, falling silent. The air pulsed with emotional energy. "I'm sorry," he said brokenly. "I don't want her, and never wanted her. It's only been you. I should've told you all the shit going on, but I was trying to handle it and then it became a clusterfuck."

"Would you have told me about the kiss?"

My question shot at him like a bullet. He jerked, and his brow lifted while his lips pursed an inch. "Yes."

"Lie. You wouldn't have told me."

"What about Brian? Did you keep anything from me about him?"

Had I? Was I just as guilty, trying to figure out who I was and if James fit into my life? I thought over my reactions and dialogue, and realized maybe I was a bit guilty, too. "I sensed he wanted more than a business relationship between us," I finally said. "He never made a move toward me. And if he had, yes, I would have told you. Everything."

"Did you ever think about you and him together? What it would be like?"

I moaned softly, because I had, for a brief time. "Yes. But it wasn't possible. I could never love anyone the way I do you."

My admission should have made things better, but it didn't. The lies and subtle non-truths between us shimmered like an unscalable wall.

The fight died in me, and all that was left was ashes. The ashes of us.

"We can work this out," he said. He took a few steps toward me, but I couldn't bear to get close, not like this. Not when we were so broken. "We love each other. I'll quit the Brush Institute. Find another way. Hell, I'll go to administration in the morning and tell them everything. Pull out of the expo. Work harder on myself. We can do this."

I didn't say anything. My head hurt and my heart ached, and I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep so I didn't have to think anymore.

"I need time," I whispered. "I can't do this now."

"Okay." He swiped at his eyes, which looked damp, and nodded. "I understand. I just need you to believe me."

I kept my silence.

"I love you, Quinn."

He turned and left me alone.

Chapter Seventeen

JAMES

TWO DAYS.

She'd left me alone for two days, refusing to answer my texts or calls. I knew Quinn would come back to me when she was ready, but the sick pit in my stomach burned acid up my throat and didn't allow me to do anything but stay at my place. Brooding. Drinking.

Waiting.

I went over the scene a thousand times in my head, cursing myself for not shoving Ava away the moment she came near me, instead of just standing there like an asshole. Quinn was right. I'd had my chance, and blew it because all my doubts made me wonder briefly if I should just fuck Ava and free Quinn for good. The knowledge kept me up all night, filled with guilt and a dark fear she'd end up leaving me for good.

But that wouldn't happen. Quinn and I loved each other too much to let go without a fight.

As the thought tumbled through my head, a knock sounded at the door.

I lurched over and flung it open. She stood before me, dressed in jeans, a purple sweater, and boots. Her dark, silky hair spilled over her shoulders in pin-straight strands I adored running my fingers through. Her dark eyes stared back at me, wide and serious, with something gleaming in the depths I didn't want to face. I knew I'd do anything to keep her.

Anything.

She didn't speak, just walked in and shut the door behind her. I knew I looked like a wreck in sweats, an old T-shirt, and bare feet. Thank God I'd brushed my teeth.

"I missed you," I finally said.

She blinked, her voice soft. "I missed you, too."

"I've thought about what happened between us, Quinn. Over and over. I know I fucked up in a lot of ways, but I think we'll be stronger moving forward now."

She swallowed, her gaze dropping a few inches. My heart beat so loud I couldn't seem to hear anything else. "I don't know if I can forgive you."

I jerked back. Pain slammed through me like I'd just gone a few rounds in the ring. No. No, no, no... "You need more time," I forced out. "You need to realize I didn't know what I was doing. I'm pulling out of the expo, Quinn. I'm done. I'm withdrawing from the school, and I'll move forward and do this on my own."

"I don't want you to," she said. "I think you need to deal with Ava on your own and make some decisions, but you should not pull out of the show. You worked too hard, you're too talented, and you deserve it. Don't let her take that from you, James!"

"I don't want anything if I don't have you."

She choked through her next words. "I'm going to Key West. Alone. I want to be with my friends and have some time to myself. I don't know if I can be with you anymore."

I knew I should ha

ve been patient and understanding. I should have been the grown-up man I always craved to be, but that dark, raw hunger and need for her rose up from my gut and took over. I grasped her shoulders and pulled her close, my hands tangling in her hair, forcing her head to tilt back. Immediately, I watched her pupils dilate; her lips parted, and I knew she wanted me even then, even when she was disgusted and angry and full of pain. We had a connection that ran deeper than we ever understood, and I shook with the need to show her how good we were together.

"Don't say that," I ground out. I leaned in so my mouth was inches from hers. "Do you think I'm just going to let you walk out of my life without a fight? I'll do anything necessary to keep you, Quinn. Anything."